Radio and television mirror (Jan-June 1950)

Record Details:

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What Is the Younger Generation Coming To? discuss a problem before it boils down to a question of authority, with a logical answer that leads to compromise between parent and child. An Indiana girl wrote recently, "My mother says that because I'm only fourteen years old, I'm too young to date boys. But my girl friends who are the same age date and their parents don't object. Don't you think my parents are old-fashioned?" The panel knows that customs in dating differ in communities around the country. In some regions it's quite common for a girl to be dating at the age of thirteen or fourteen; in others, she may start much later. Nevertheless, one rule applies regardless of age: the girl must be prepared for dating. This is the parents' responsibility. Around the age of twelve, your daughter should begin to associate with boys in a formal sense. The same youngsters she plays cowboys and Indians with during the day can be invited to a party where the children dress up and treat each other as members of the opposite sex, rather than mere competitors in play. If a mother has a daughter who wants to date but is too young, the problem should be met with parties — parties so well planned that children have no time for kissing games. Parents should be present at the party, the panel believes, but in an unobtrusive way. The panel advises girls with stubborn parents to try convincing them with logic and sense. Articles on dating, and friendly adults can help change parents' minds. Going about it this way is further evidence of maturity. On the other hand, a mother can cause just as much bad feeling when she is too anxious for her daughter to go out. A seventeen-year-old California girl wrote, "My mother keeps belittling me because I don't go out with boys often. She says that she has beauty and my father has brains but claims that unfortunately I inherited my father's looks and her brains. I'm quite happy because I'm editor of the school paper and active in dramatics and I do get invited to some dances. But my mother tells me, 'When I was your age, I was thinking of getting married.' " This girl's mother doesn't realize just how lucky she is. Her daughter is well adjusted and will be better prepared to make a good match than most women. The panel tries to explain that likes of high school boys differ from those of men. A man wants a wife who makes herself attractive but the important considerations are her personality, intelligence and the maturity to share the resDonsibilities of marriage. "What do you do about a girl who won't come in from a date on time?" I'll bet that if you brought together every mother who has been plagued with this problem there wouldn't be a city large enough to hold them. Well, the panel thinks that in the first place parents should be reasonable. But once a reasonable Cinderella hour has been agreed upon, the pact must be kept. The specified time is when daughter leaves her date at the front door, not when her boy friend parks in front of the house. Our teen-age panel believes that if a girl cannot keep the agreement, she can be penalized by sacrificing a similar event. Let her give up a Saturday night (Continued jrom page 39) date for a Saturday night's tardiness. But a parent should make it clear that daughter isn't being penalized because she sinned in staying out late. It's only a question of learning to share her responsibilities to the family and society as a whole and this is something youngsters should learn during adolescence. Too often, the problems of teen-agers are so complicated in a personal, emotional sense that it requires the greatest tact to help them. This letter, from a mother in Akron, Ohio, complains of her seventeen-year-old son spending hours on the phone talking to his "steady." She writes, "Why must they be so possessive? Neither my son nor his girl friend will even look at anyone else. Both the girl's mother and I •are very upset about them, and we would like to hear some sensible explanation from your panel members." Well, in our Saturday radio sessions, the panel has taken a stand against going steady in the first few years of dating and for several good reasons. First, there is always the danger of a boy and girl getting too emotionally involved. Then, teen-years are growing years when a girl or boy should be learning as much as possible about the opposite sex and this can't be done by seeing only one person. Last and not least, it is more fun to date a lot of different people. Going steady not only takes a girl out of circulation with other boys but handicaps the relationship she would be enjoying with girls her own age and her family. It would be a fair guess that nine out of ten steadies break up in the middle teens and it is the girl not the man who suffers. The boy can immediately call up any other girl he knows and make a date but the girl, who cannot take the initiative in datehunting, without losing her self-respect and femininity, must wait until other boys get used to the fact that there are no strings attached to her. Sometimes it takes months. So it's up to the girls to take a strong stand on this issue. If she is tactful and honest, it shouldn't ruin the friendship already established. There are hundreds of other problems that come in from teen-agers. It's partly because they live more intensely than other age groups. But I have found, in working with them on Mind Your Manners, that they are stimulating and exciting. The program, you know, is one of the few over NBC that doesn't originate in Hollywood, Chicago or New York. Mind Your Manners is broadcast from WTIC, in Hartford, Connecticut, where I also hold down the job of Continuity Director. It was Leonard Patricelli, our program director, who had the idea for Mind Your Manners and developed it in 1947. I went to work for WTIC the fall of that year and perhaps got the job of moderator because of my earlier experience with teen-age groups. During the last war, I assisted the noted actor, Maurice Evans, who was then a major in the Pacific directing troop entertainment. After the war, Civilian Maurice Evans made me his personal manager. Part of the job was to precede his showing of "Hamlet," building up interest in the play. I talked to adults at clubs and luncheons and to students in high school auditoriums. The teen-agers, I found, were fre quently more alert and imaginative than their parents. And I think the reason my meetings with teen-agers came off so well was that I never talked down to them but treated them as equals — something I learned from my own parents. From childhood, through grade and high school they encouraged me. In college, I sometimes neglected my studies to work in radio and theater groups but my parents were understanding. Out in the world, I was luckier than most men in theatrical work but kept hoping to find work. I had a berth in Summer stock then went into radio, taught drama in a college, back in theater work, then radio again. In all of those hectic years dealing with the insecurity of show business, I had an asset greater than money: it was the confidence and security that my parents had given me as a youngster. I talk about this sometimes with my wife, Margaret, for we have two children whom we hope to raise strong and sound enough to get along in the world. David, our two-year-old, has a tremendous enthusiasm for getting into things he shouldn't and prefers the electric carpet sweeper to any toy. Our other child, eight-month-old Martha, has the disposition of an angel but contributes her share of problems. Our apartment in West Hartford is indicative of the kind of home life we lead. It is furnished for informal, conversational gatherings with our friends. The living room, typical of the restful quality we've tried for, has dark green walls except for one papered in a white cottage print. A few hunting prints I picked up have been framed and hung. Our furnishings are mostly antiques that we refinished ourselves. We'll need a larger home as the children grow. Time passes quickly and it won't be too long before Martha and David are teen-agers. In the meantime, we hope to give them a good, solid environment before they have to contend with adult problems. The basic attitude toward life of my own parents is one thing we strive for. My mother and father were practical people with a great deal of common sense. But their finest characteristic was their absolute control of temper. I never saw anything hectic in our family life. There was restraint and patience in their actions. Also my parents had the answer to something that hurts a lot of parents. "Why do my kids go out so much?" I've heard a father ask. "It doesn't seem that I know as much about my own children as I do about my work." Well, there's an answer to this and it's all in one word: enthusiasm. It's too easy for adults to become irritated or even smile indulgently at their children's activities. A mother and father must share the interest of the teen-ager. If you can match the teenager's enthusiasm, she won't be running out continually to find someone else to talk to. She may even pay you the greatest of compliments and ask for advice on a problem that you seem too old to know anything about. No family difference will ever be solved by the parent who makes the issue, "Who's right, me or my child?" „ Our panel tells teen-agers that no matter how difficult the problem, they should meet their parents halfway. And wise parents will do the same. 75