Radio and television mirror (Jan-June 1941)

it's better, lots better, than roaring 'no' at me. And of course you're right. But soon?" "If it will be as lovely," I promised, "as tonight has been." His kiss had brought a throb into my heart and throat, that I never before had felt, like the startled throb of wakening from sleep. And sleep, late though the hour was, remained impossible that night. I had not known I wanted him to love me. I hadn't known what I knew now — that I loved him. But all the rest of that night I thought my way back, again and again, to the first time our eyes had met. Each word, each picture, that I recalled, appeared in a new light. Each sign of feeling I had seen in him, took on significance. That it might not be love he meant, did not occur to me. I knew there are other feelings than desire to marry and cherish and be faithful all one's life. But I was sure no other kind of desire would ever happen to me. I had believed, that first night, that we parted in perfect understanding, and never could misunderstand again. The next evening we went out, I was dismayed to find that he expected to be kissed again when we said good night, and at other times, and would not be denied. But by then I wanted him to kiss me. I had brought myself to be in love with him, imagining, interpreting, believing, responding to my own interpretations and beliefs as if they were declarations he had made. AS winter disappeared and spring came loitering past, ambitions slowly died and gave place to new ones. The new ambitions were, to please him, to win his admiration, to be able to thought-wave him into telephoning me or asking me out, and to be the most absolutely stunning girl he would see anywhere we went. I realized, though, and admitted, that he never talked about marriage. I said so, to a girl friend. She laughed. "They want to be sure beforehand, of the answer they'll get, when they talk about marriage," she said. "Can you blame them? Don't leave it all to him. Hint that you'd accept him, and see what happens." But I knew him capable of asking for what he wanted. I did not believe he was waiting for hints. I thought maybe he was waiting for — money enough to marry on, or a summer vacation to be married in. Besides, if I hinted, I would end this prelude that had become so happy a time to me. And then at last, one early-summer night, driving home from a seaside dance pavilion, he said, "I have a very small bungalow on a very large piece of ground. I was there Sunday. At this time of year you can see from every window, flowers and trees and sky and distances, all day, and at night there are starfields, and a sea of moonlight, and the murmur of a brook. Your people are accustomed to our going out together. They won't mind if we have a house party at the bungalow next week-end, with another couple, would they? Would you like to?" For a minute I didn't know if life had stopped in me only, or in all the world. And the first thought that forced its way into the shocked stillness of my mind, was a thought of men disappearing out of his office when I was there. Would the "couple" be as obliging, as aware of his wishes? JANUARY, 1941 If that was what he meant — and what else could he mean — his question was an absolute blackout to my hopes and expectations and beliefs in him. This had been his aim and object, a love-nest affair, not friendship, not marriage. He still thought of me as he had thought at first, that I would be willing to do anything to please him, for the sake of what he might be able to do for my career. He had not changed his opinion, but only his method. Sickened, I understood at last. "I'm not sure — if I should," I answered wretchedly, " — if I'd have a right—" "Isn't it rather late to think about that question?" he inquired coldly. "You've led me on and on to the inevitable moment when we'd have to arrive at terms. You understood. I talked about terms the day we signed a contract. I've tried to find out what would be acceptable to you. I've promised everything. I've told you I'm crazy about you. How long did you suppose we could go on the way we have been? I can't think of anything but you. My work is at a standstill. Because of you." "And if I'd go up to your bungalow with you, you could forget then? You'd have made your conquest and could think of other things then?" I answered bitterly. "I mean I could put the thought of you out of my mind till week-ends," he said, "if I knew there would be week-ends. Is that too hard to understand?" "Yes, it is," I owned brokenly, "because all this time I've understood you loved me, and meant to marry me when a right time comes." "You know better than that," he answered. "I've known girls like you for ten years, and haven't married yet. When I do, I'll marry a home girl, not help a girl like you in her career till she meets some one who can do more for her, and then let her divorce me so she can travel on farther with him. You knew that's how I feel, too." I DIDN'T answer. I tried. I couldn't ' speak. I felt him turn to look at me, and heard a sharp intake of breath. "Aren't you overplaying your part?" he suggested sarcastically, but he must have seen the pallor of my face, sensed my faintness, for his voice was unsteady beneath its harshness. "Nothing I've said could do all that to you. I haven't said you're off my program if you won't do as I want you to do. I'm proud to have you on my program. But whatever the game is, that you're trying to play, you'll have to quit it and be yourself." T'm sorry," I said miserably. "Won't you please take me home? I guess I just don't want to talk any more now. It could do no good to say — the things I'd say now, if I said anything." He didn't speak again, either, but kept looking at me, bewildered. "You needn't come to the door with me," I said when we reached the house. But he waited, watching, until I had gone in. All the rest of that night I tossed back and forth, battling my willingness to do as Stephen Langley asked, and at the same time my instinctive certainty that no good could come of giving him his way. Morning came. I'd have to see him at the studio. We both would have "*" ,-''^k,...^:^ v ( ■) Pertussin Helps Restore Natural Throat Moisture A parched, dry, Indoor atmosphere easily aggravates a cough due to a cold. Pertussin Is amazingly effective in fighting this dryair irritation. 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