TV Radio Mirror (Jan - Jun 1963)

When comic Joey Adams took a vaudeville troupe to Southeast Asia — on behalf of the U.S. Government — all he wanted to do was get a few laughs in a good cause: Peace. Instead, he started a miniature war of his own — and got blasted on one side for wasting the taxpayers' money . . . and decorated on the other as one of the best investments we've ever made. Start reading for yourself the book all the fighting is about ! Mt was at a children's hospital that I lost my heart. I had courted my wife for two years until she convinced me that I was in love with her. But with Lalida and me it was love at first sight. Lalida was sugar and spice and everything nice. Lalida was four years old. I met her when I entered the St. Andrews Orthopedic Hospital for children in Bedok. As we were ushered into the first children's ward, a huge airy room with about thirty beds lining all four sides, we were all set to jazz 'em up with our bag of tricks — when I saw Lalida. Before I could don my straw hat and sing out my first greeting, Lalida led the other children in a cheerful chorus of "Good morning, Uncle Adams, welcome to our home." Although the little doll was crippled in body and was tied to the bedpost so she couldn't fall off, her hands reached out for me. My arms and my heart reached out for her. She had the biggest, darkest, dancingest eyes and the widest, happiest laugh I have ever known. I could have eaten her up. The two of us just held onto each other like we could never let go. For the next hour there was nonstop laughter in the Home for Crippled Children. While each performer was doing his turn, I came back to the bedside and clung to my Lalida. As she was pouring her joy and and gratitude into me, I was pouring my strength and love into her. I have entertained at a good many hospitals down through the years. After each one of them, I left with a depressed feeling. Except this time. Here the children were all so full of joy. Before I could cheer them up they had already cheered me up. These kids are all physically handicapped— all of them — yet they are able to be happy. How many of us are plagued with unhappiness although we're physically fit. The troublemakers of the world with their healthy bodies and sick minds could really learn a lesson from my little Lalida. "And a little child shall lead them . . ." As John and Bonnie Shirley; Chaz and Joan Chase; Maceo, Prince, Flash and Al of the Step Brothers; and Deanna, Deanda and Joan Sylte and myself went from bed to bed distributing our lollipops, I promised each of my newly adopted children that America would never forget them. "As soon as I get back," I promised each one, "Uncle Adams will send you a houseful of the nicest toys we have in America." And Uncle Adams didn't forget. It took a couple of months to get home and it took a couple of months t to ship it, but right now at the St. Andrews Orthopedic Hospital for Crippled Children in Bedok, Singapore, there is "The Joey Adams Toy Library" which was christened by the children and is in perpetual use. Anything or anybody that carries the United States label to the world market has an obligation to be an ambassador for his country. We knew from the moment we left the shores of the USA that we had a job to do. It figures Uncle Sam wasn't sending Excerpted from "On the Road for Uncle Sam" by Joey Adams, mission of the publisher, Bernard Geis Associates. © 1963 by us on a pleasure cruise. Like the Peace Corps and the Embassies and USIS and the branches of the foreign aid tree such as USOM and ICA, we had a job to do. Parts of that job took me right back to our kid days when we played cowboys 'n' robbers. The whole world today is divided up between the good guys and the bad guys, just as it was in our games. It's communism versus freedom now. And today's bad guys aren't about to give up until they've pulled every foul in the book. And these bad guys have a pretty good trick, too. It took me about four press conferences in four different countries to get wise to them. They throw you a curve. A question with a big, fat hook on it. And then they leave before you get a chance to answer. It's like the wise guy who heckles, "When did you stop beating your wife?" Before you can tell him you're not even married, he's two cities away, and with him went your reputation. At almost every press conference we ran up against one such fink. Take Singapore, for instance. We weren't five minutes into our questions and answers in my living room in the Cathay Hotel when a short little guy with a bow tie started pitching to the left. And this joker wasn't a southpaw, either. He tried for a headline by asking the four Step Brothers how it felt to be a Negro in the USA. Now there are some of us who are passive Americans and some who are passionate Americans. He fell into a pot of four passionate Yanks. "Listen, pal," {Please turn the page) with the perJoey Adams. 55