TV Radio Mirror (Jan - Jun 1957)

H Then a year went by and I started seeing him again. He was very anxious to try again, and, thinking of our little daughter, I decided it was worth trying to give her back her rightful father. But, Miss Davis, it is again a terrible failure. This time, for almost three years I have been trying, and all I know is that I am miserable and see no use in going on living. For the sake of my little girl, do you think I should go on like this or break it up again and admit failure? Mrs. R. M. C. Dear Mrs. R. M. C: You do not tell me in what special ways you and your husband cannot get along, but it is apparent that, whatever the trouble is, your two tries have proved that it is basic. However, this does not necessarily mean that it is incurable. This young man with whom you thought yourself "passionately in love" still meant enough to you after a year of separation to make you think of trying marriage again, and for this reason — as well as for your child's sake — I would think very searchingly, very, carefully, before rushing into a second divorce. By this time, both you and he are probably incapable of taking a good, honest look at the situation without outside help. Through your clergyman, your family doctor, or an available social agency in your city, try to place yourselves and your marriage in the hands of a qualified marriage counselor. Such a person, trained, experienced, and able to look at both of you without emotional factors to blur his vision, can very possibly help you figure out what's wrong. Don't be sheepish or embarrassed about seeking such help. If you can win happiness for the three of you, isn't it worth a little effort? Please try, R.M.C., and try with all your heart, before you think of giving up again. Dear Joan Davis: I am eighteen and just out of high school, but what is most important about me is that I am an only child. You see, this is a very small place I have lived in, a village really, and for a long time it has been my great ambition to go to a really good business school and learn to be a really good secretary. Except for the typing and shorthand in high school, there is no place around here where I can get any kind of training, not to say first-class training such as you can get in a school in a big city. But my parents, who are unfortunately quite a bit older than average, because I was born to them late in life, are terribly set against my going. I would have to live in Chicago, fifty miles away, but I could come back weekends and, in fact, there are some men around here who even commute back and forth every day. I couldn't do that, but I tell it to show that I am not asking to go to another world. Also I have a second cousin in Chicago, quite a bit older, who has said I can live with her. But, because she is older and divorced, my parents act as though I were going into a life of sin. M. M. Dear M. M.: Parents can be so unreasonable — particu larly when they start pointing out how unreasonable their children are! The sad truth is that there seems to be some basic law of nature that prevents the generations from understanding one another's points of view. As an only child you do have a harder row to hoe, and I wish 1 could supply some magic formula that would make it easy for you to explain your position to your parents — and that would also enable you to understand their anxieties and apprehensions. If there is no real reason why this second cousin of yours is an undesirable companion — and for that I think you will have to accept your parents' verdict — then you should enlist the help of someone your parents respect, to support your side of the argument. Your clergyman would be ideal. But failing such help, and if your parents continue to insist they will not allow you to live with your cousin, perhaps you will have to compromise with your ambitions for a year or two. You are certainly very young to be completely on your own — young enough to give up a couple of years to allay your parents' fears. At nineteen or twenty, if you still feel as you do now, you would be justified in putting your case to them much more urgently. Sooner or later every parent must face the fact of his child's adulthood, but in your case it would be better, I think, to go gently rather than to try to force them to agree to something they may, in a comparatively short time, come around to seeing by themselves. Dear Joan Davis: I have one big problem and it's my husband. We've been married two years and have a son and are expecting our second child very soon. We've been getting along fine except for the last few months. Every time I think that we are settled for a quiet evening, his mother or sister send for him to do this or that, and he never refuses. I'm the one who gets rejected. Mrs. R. P. Dear Mrs. R. P.: Is there any special reason why this situation only arose during the last few months? If your mother-in-law has moved or if there is some other temporary reason for her to call on your husband for help, perhaps patience is the answer to your problem. Perhaps these calls haven't come as often as you, in your resentment, feel they have. Be sure you are not magnifying the problem. But if you are sure, then talk, first to your husband — not quarrelsomely or emotionally, but reasonably. Point out that it is unfair for him to leave you to so many lonely evenings. Alternatively, you might try proposing, the next time he gets a call from his mother or sister, that you go along with him. This would serve the double purpose of relieving your loneliness and giving you a chance to socialize with your in-laws and perhaps improve the relationship. If none of this works, I am afraid your only recourse is to be more patient. Nothing is more dangerous than trying to drive a wedge between your husband and his family. Your husband may come to his own conclusions about these demands. You may safely make it plain that you don't like these constant calls — but leave it at that. Nagging will get you into a far worse situation than the annoyance you put up with now. Latest Tall fashions proportioned to fit well and styled with your height in mind! Priced no more than regular misses' ■ fashions. They come in sizes 10 to 20. Checked Percale and crisp PiquS combine to fashion this flattering Coat Dress, only $3.98! Other lovely dresses $3.49 up. Also coats, suits, sportswear, shoe^ hose and lingerie. ^P" All ^^^' Five-Seven Shops [ I ^^^ ki t NewYorkl?, N. 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