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10
Eed Life
Sydney Ayres and Vivian Rich in "Destinies Fulfilled" American
Matrimony and the Eyes
A very old Irishman one day astonished a friend by announcing that he was about to get married.
"Married !" exclaimed his friend. "An old man like you !"
"Well, ye see," the old man explained, "it's just because I'm gettin' an ould bhoy now. 'Tis a foine thing, Pat, to have a wife near ye to close the eyes of ye whin ye come to the end."
"Arrah, now, ye ould fule!" exclaimed Pat. "Don't be so foolish. What do ye know about it? Close yer eyes, indade. I've had a couple o' them, an' faith, they both of them opened mine."
Mrs. Browning had a new servant girl.
"Agnes," said the mistress, "did you put the clothes in soak?" "Oi did not," answered the girl; "did you want me to, mum?" "Why certainly," was the reply. "Very well, mum," said Agnes.
About two hours later Agnes presented herself to her mistress.
"Oi hev put thim clothes in soak, mum," she said, "but the parrot-nose av a pawnbroker wud give me only chew dollars on the whole outfit. Here be th' money, mum, an' it's sorry Oi am that ye bees so harrud up." — Harper's Magazine.
Simplex Sales
There seems to be no let-up in business with the Precision Machine Co. Of special note in sales during the past week are.Two motor-drive Simplex to the 68th Street Playhouse, 68th Street and Third Avenue. This house has a seating capacity of 450, and is one of the first playhouses built under the new law — absolutely fireproof.
The Biograph Company has installed two Simplex for the New York studio and one for the California studio.
The elaborate Stanley Theatre, 42nd Street and Seventh Avenue, which is about completed, has installed two Simplex machines through B. F. Porter.
Restricted Childhood
Sheffield Ingalls, lieutenant governor of Kansas, believes in giving Young America a full chance to enjoy all there is in wholesome boyhood play. He tells the following story to show how some youngsters are hampered :
Gordon, seven years old, was playing bandit, and for some time had been staggering around, as if badly wounded, without actually toppling over as a victim of the imaginary bullets of his playmates. A neighbor, watching the game, called to him :
"Gordon, why don't you fall down?"
"I can't," answered the boy, crossly, "I ain't allowed to. If I had my old pants on I'd have been dead long ago."
— National Monthly.
Wanted To Be There
Tony came over from the old country and obtained employment in America as a second hand. Some time afterward he went to his foreman and said: "Boss, like baf vacation."
"Why, Tony, you don't need a vacation," answered the boss.
"Yes, boss, I like haf vacation," repeated Tony.
"What do you want with a vacation? If I give it to you, Tony, you will go over to the old country, blow all your money, and then come back broke. You had better stay here."
"I like haf vacation, boss," stolidly repeated Tony. "I'm going to get married, and I'd kinda like to be there."
— Everybody's Magazine.
A Social Catastrophe
"Was no one injured in the railway collision, count?"
"No, but nevertheless it was a most painful situation. First, second, third and fourth class passengers all mingled together. Simply unheard of!" — Fliegende Blatter.