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Reel Life
11
The Better Place
An old country woman, compelled to sit in a suffocating smoking compartment in a crowded excursion train, gazed open-mouthed through the window at a lady on the platform who was giving the porter exhaustive instructions regarding the storage of her bicycle.
"See that you find the best place in the van, porter, and fix it very securely, and don't let anyone play with the bell, and close the windows so that nobody can steal it, and cover up the handle-bars, and make sure the train doesn't shake it as it goes over the points."
The porter promised slavish obedience, pocketed his tip and turned to go away.
"One moment, young fellow," cried the old woman, leaning out of the window and catching his arm. "I want to get out of here. It ain't half cosy enough. Here's tuppence; now show me the way to the bicycle van." — Exchange.
John D.'s Wit.
The following anecdote may serve to illustrate John D. Rockefeller's sense of waggishness:
One day, chancing to go along the golf links, he saw an old attendant spiking dead leaves and scraps of paper which he put in a bag.
"Good day, Tom," was the oil man's friendly greeting. How's business?"
"Dull, sir — dull," returned Tom gloomily; "gets worse every day, I'm thinkin." "
"You surprise me,' chuckled John D., as if with an anticipatory thrill; "from what I see of it I should say that your business was picking up." — Neale's Monthly.
Sabbath Reading
"Louise, I really cannot permit you to read novels on Sunday." "But grandmamma, this novel is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen, all at once.'' — Life.
Old Adages Disproved.
Look Before You Leap. There is probably no saying in the history of the world that has been more disproved by the experience of mankind than this one. If everyone who has ever done anything worth while had looked before he leaped, how few things would ever have been accomplishd? Theodore Roosevelt's life would be as peaceful as the trip of a Gowanus ferryboat on Sunday morning. The doctrine of looking before you leap is based upon timidity and unintelligence — a cowardly terror of making mistakes, and reduction of your experience to a minimum. Looking before you leap means very soon that you will never leap. Leap first and look afterward — that is the only sure way. By and by you will get so expert that you can leap from crag to crag like a Rocky Mountain goat. Meanwhile, should you by any chance break your neck, bear in mind that most of the really great men of all time have done the same thing. — Life.
Not Guilty.
A story on the Hon. Josephus Daniels that is going the rounds is as follows :
At a recent visit of the secretary of the navy to the academy at Annapolis he was jostled in the crowd of visitors to such a degree that a man of proportions trampled heavily upon the secretarial toe.
Instead of apologizing when Mr. Daniels turned his head to see who had crushed his foot the offender growled out : "What do you mean by giving me such a nasty look?" "Why," returned the secretary suavely, "I notice that you have a nasty look, but I had nothing to do with giving it to you."
— Neal's Monthly.
Inconsistent Fractions
"I am tired," declared Womanhood, in effect, "of being a better half by courtesy and a submerged tenth in point of fact." — Life.