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34
Reel Life
Thanhouser
Riley Chamberlin in "Airs. Pinkhurst's Prox}'"
A Pertinent Query.
In a Southern town one morning a negro called upon a neighbor. He was met at the door by his friend's wife and the dialogue ran something like this:
Kinder cold this mawnin'."
"Kinder. Think mebbe it's gwine to rain."
Mebbe it is. Is Dan in?"
"Shore; he's in."
"Kin I see him?"
"No, siree !"
"But I want to see him bad."
"I's sorry, but you can't see him, Dan's dead.''
"Go 'way. You's jokin'."
"No, I ain't jokin'. He's dead all right."
"He die sudden?"
"He die very sudden."
■'Yo' shore 'bout dat?"
"Just as shore as I kin be.''
At this point the caller hesitated a moment and then added : "He say anything ''bout a bucket o' whitewash befo' he died?"
— Lippuicott's Magazine.
Along 'With the Rail.
A darky named Dick was known as a notorious thief, so much so, in fact, that all the thefts in the neighborhood were charged to him Finally, one man had all his turkeys stolen and he had Dick arrested.
"You stole Mr. King's turkeys?" asked the judge.
"Well," said Dick slowly, "I'll tell you sir; I didn't steal dem turkeys, but last night I went 'cross Mr. King's pasture and saw one of my rails on de fence, so I jes' brought it home, and, confound it, when I come to look, dar was nine turkeys settin' on de rail." — National Food Magazine.
Teetotal.
A London clergyman was being entertained over a week-end bj' one of the well-to-do but plain men of a Lancashire town not far from Manchester.
As soon as the guest was settled by the fireside on the Sunday evening his host asked him, "Are you a teetotaler?"
"Well, no ; not exactly," the clergyman admitted.
The master of the house received the statement with obvious relief.
"Ah'm right glad to hear it," he said. "We'n had that sort stayin' with us afore. Now, if ye'd been one o' them teetotalers ye'd a' been wantin' soda water and lemonade and lime juice and ginger ale and nobody knows what all. But as ye ain't a teetotaler ye'll be like the rest of us an' satisfied wi' plain water !"
—London Answers.
Magnanimous.
The wife of the coal baron had just finished reading the gruesome details of the latest mine disaster.
"It seems to me, John," she said angrily, "that the mines could be safe-guarded far better than they are at present."
"Don't be too hard-hearted, dear," yawned the coal baron ; "why, the coal stolen by our employees hardly amounts to anything."— Puck.
Taking No Chances
"What's this?" said the editor. "Mr. Longbow is lying at death's door," "make it read " 'laying.' "
"What," exclaimed the reporter in surprise. "That's not correct."
"No," replied the editor ; "but it's better to make a grammatical error than of¥end Longb'row's relatives. His reputation for veracitv is notoriouslv bad.'' — Strax Stories.
Doiiuno
Jim Macy watching the result of his treachery. "Harp of Tara"