We use Optical Character Recognition (OCR) during our scanning and processing workflow to make the content of each page searchable. You can view the automatically generated text below as well as copy and paste individual pieces of text to quote in your own work.
Text recognition is never 100% accurate. Many parts of the scanned page may not be reflected in the OCR text output, including: images, page layout, certain fonts or handwriting.
35
Science and the Milkman.
Housekeeper — What makes you so late with the milk these mornings ?
Milkman — Well, you see, mum, the pure food law don't allow us more than 25,000,000 bacteria to the gallon, an' you wouldn't believe how long it takes to count the little devils ! — Lippincott's.
Youthful Tragedy.
Someone had given little Willie a pocket comp;\ss. His teacher carefully explained the different points.
"See," said she. "You 'have the north in front of you, the east to your right and the west to your left. Xow what have you behind ?"
Willie looked shocked and sorry.
"There!" he exclaimed pathetically, "I knew some one would see the patch, but mother says I got to wear these pants all the rest of the month." — National Monthly.
The New Modes.
"Uncle Henry," asks the sweet creature appearing before that gentleman in one of the newest 'creations' in the way of frocks, "how do you like my new gown?"
"Well," grumbles the grizzled old misanthrope, "you're safe in one respect. Nobody can have you arrested for carrying concealed weapons." — Life.
Not Room Enough
While riding on an electric car, during his first visit to the city, a farmer passed the yard of a monument company, where gravestones and monuments were displayed. Turning to his host, he remarked in an awestricken voice : "They dew bury 'em close in the city, don't they?" — Lit>pincoff\i.
"In the Clutches of a Gang"
• 0 #
Marie Eline, Boyd Marshall and Muriel Ostriche in "A Circumstantial Nurse"
What Could He Do?
The teacher was reading the history of England to some of the little pupils. When she came to the statement that Henry I. never laughed after the death of his son she noticed one of the little girls had raised her hand and seemed very desirous of altracting her attention.
"Well, Amy," said the teacher, "what is it?"
"Please, ma'am," said little Amy, "what did Henry I. do wheit he was tickled?"— Harper's Bazar.
Half of the Pleasure.
The youngest girl of a Baltimore family was recently much distressed at dessert to discover that there was ice cream for dinner.
"Oh, papa," exclaimed the youngster reproachfully, "why didn't they tell me this morning that we were going to have ice cream?" "What difference would that have made?"
"Lots!" sighed the child. "I could have expected it all day."
— Lippincott's Magazine.
In a town in western Kansas the dry weather was being discussed by two traveling men.
Little puffs of white clouds were rolling by, and one of the men remarked "That certainly looks like rain."
"No chance," the other replied ; "those are just empties coming, back from Iowa." — Everybody's.
"Pop, why does the moon get full?" "I don't know. Don't bother me."
"Pop, I guess if the moon would only stick to the Milky Way it wouldn't get full, would it?" — Lippincotfs Magazine.