Reel Life (Sep 1913 - Mar 1914)

36 ted Life Mabel Normand in "Won in a Closet" Keystone Saved His Treasure "My great-uncle, who was blind,'' said a Frenchman, "once buried $4,000 in gold louis under a pear tree in his garden. His neighbor saw him do it and in the dead of night came and stole the money replacing the earth carefully. "Some days later my uncle brought fifty more louis down to the pear tree for burial, and, silently weeping, he, too, replaced the earth. "He knew whom to suspect, and that night he called on his neighbor. He seemed thoughtful and distrait and the neighbor asked him what oppressed his mind. " 'Well, I'll tell you," said my great-uncle frankly, 'I have 1,00!) louis hid away in a safe place, and today a tenant paid off a mortgage, and I have another 1,000 louis in cash on my hands. I don't know whether to seek out another hiding place for this money or put in where the other is. What would you advise?" " 'Why, said the neighbor eagerly, 'if your first hiding place is safe — and you declare it to be so — I should certainly put this money there too.' "My great-uncle said firmly that that was what he would do on the morrow. It was the wisest course. Then he took his leave. "And when next day he went to the pear tree again there, sure enough, was his lost 1,000 louis, all put back again." — Exchange. Foiling A Briber The justice of the peace was in the south and a marked state of ignorance. He was approached by a man desiring a divorce, and he did not know what to do. Calling a friend to his side, he whispered ; "What's the law on this p'int?" "You can't do it," was the reply. "It's out of your jurisdiction." The husband, observing the consultation and feeling keenly his desire to escape from the matrimonial woe, exclaimed : "I'm willin' to pay well ; got the money right here in my sock." At this the justice assumed his gravest judicial air. Obviously he was deeply pained. Never before in all his life had he been so bowed down by grief. "You knew before you came here," he said sadly, "that it wasn't for me to separate husband and wife, and yet you not only take up the valuable time of this court by talking, but you actually propose to bribe me with money. Now, how much have you got in that sock?" "About $6.50, your honor." "Is that so? Then I fine you $5 for bribery and $1.50 for takin-^ up my time with a case out of my jurisdiction ; and may the Lord have mercy on your soul !" — Popular Magazine. Limited Opportunities First Tramp — ^One-third of a man's life is spent in sleep. Second Tramp — And another third in jail, and what time does that leave a feller for the practice of his profession? — Exchange. A Troublesome Tower She was a good servant, was Jennie, and Mrs. Wanderfarr never wished for better. But in the matter of pictures Jennie was weak. There was one in particular, which showed the leaning tower of Pisa. Every day Mrs. W. hung it straight, and every morning Jennie put it crooked. So Mrs. W. watched. "Now, look here, Jennie," she said, "you've hung that picture of tlie tower crooked again ! Just look at it !" "That's just what I say, mum," returned the domestic dolefully; "look at it. The only way you can get that silly tower to hang straight is to hang the picture crooked." — Exchange. Not Sure Of Her Figure Attorney General McReynolds tells this on himself: Some years ago he was the attorney for the defense in an important case which hinged on the testimony of one woman. Consequently, he conducted the cross-examination of the fair witness with elaborate caution. "How old are you?" he led off, preparing to trap her if her reply did not tally with an important date in the story she had just told. "Fifty-four or sixty-four," she answered, flustered by the ordeal she faced. "What do you mean?" demanded McReynolds, leaning far forward in his chair and looking particularly stern. "Don't you know your own age?" "I'm not sure," the woman replied doubtfully. "Indeed, I'm not sure. You see, I always get my age and my bust measurement mixed.'' — The Popular Magazine. Carey L. Hastings in "The Vacant Chair' Princess Howard Davies and Belle Bennett in "What the Crystal Told" Majestic