Reel Life (Sep 1913 - Mar 1914)

38 American Harry Von Meter, Sydney Ayreg and Jack Richardson as ''The Three Guardsmen" in "A Blowout at Santa Banana" . American Louise Lester and Ida Lewis m "Calamity Anne in Society" Fido's Agent When little Margaret passed her plate the third time for chicken her mother said : "My dear, you must not eat so much chicken. I am afraid you'll be ill." "Well, mother/' said Margaret, "I'm not eating this because I want it. I'm collecting the bones for Fido \"— Harper's Monthly. As a certain young artist of New York sat upon his stool one day in the Adirondacks doing a bit of "mountain stuff," there approached him from the rear a native, evidently with ideas of his own touching art. "Did you ever try photography?" asked the newcomer. "No," was the curt response of the young artist, who continued his work. "It's a good deal quicker," suggested the native. "I suppose it is," surlily assented the painter, with another dab of the brush. "And," the native added, with a dash of malice, "a good deal more like the place." — Lip pine ott's. Same Old Way Manufacturer's Wife — Dinah, if you cast your ballot the way I desire, perhaps your wages will be raised. — Life. Ready With Retort Candid Hostess (on seeing her nephew's fiancee for the first time) — "I never should have known you from your photograph. Beggle told me you were so pretty." Beggle's Fiancee — "No, I'm not pretty, so I have to try and be nice, and it's such a bore. Have you ever tried?" — Punch. A Long Walk McFee got on a Broadway street car at the city hall New York. The car was pretty well crowded and he was unable to find a seat. At each corner, however, the car stopped and took on passengers. "Move Jorwarld !" said the conductor e|ach time. "Plemty of room in the front of the car. Move forward !" And M'cFee moved forward. The car reached Fourteenth street — two miles or thereabouts — before the conductor got through the crowd to McFee. "Fare !" he demanded. "Fare!" said McFee indignantly. "Do you expect me to pay for the privilege df walking from the city hall to Fourteenth street?" — From Judge. Making Up "Making up" has a variety of meaning, according to Christie MicDonald, who has made a decided hit in "Sweethearts." "There had been i lovers' quarrel, and it was his first visit in two weeks. " 'I guess you know there was a difference between your sister and myself he ventured, trying to pump the little sister. " 'Yes, indeed,' responded the latter, without hesitation. " 'Well — er — do you think Clara will make up when she comes down ?' "Little Bessie leaned over near and whisipered : " 'She is upstairs making up now.' " — December Young's Magazine. Inevitable Result "I am surprised to hear that Dubbleigh has broken down," said Stubbs. "He used to have a splendid constitution." "Yes," said VViggletrope, "but he began amending it." — Harper's Weekly. "How's everything in your home?" asked Smith. "Oh," replied Brown, "she's all right." — Dope Book. The Policeman — Where are you going at this time of night? The Wanderer — I'm — hie — going to a lecture. — Sketch. "How much for the puppies, laddie?" "One's 'arf a crown, sir; t'other's 3 shillin'." "Why is one sixpence more than the other?" " 'Cos 'e swallered sixpence this mornin'." — Tit-Bits. Lest We Forget Small .A.rthur — Mamma, I hurt my finger. Please tie a rag on it. Mamma (after an examination) — It isn't injured enough to need tying up, dear. Small Arthur — Well, tie a rag on it anyway so I won't forget which finger it is that hurts. — Exchange. "What are union rates, pa?" "Wedding fees, my son." — From Judge. 'Rebecca's Wedding Day" "In Distress" Keystone