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80 ROAMIN' IN THE GLOAMIN'
woman, Mrs. Baylis. She believed in giving local talent a chance. One evening a week several trial "turns" were put on. This was easily the most popular night of the week at the Scotia — the patrons got free rein for their criticisms and for a peculiarly mordant type of humour which I have never come across anywhere else in the world. If a newcomer could "get it across" with the Scotia audiences on a trial night he had the right stuff in him. Several reputations were made in the Scotia on such nights ; thousands were blasted irretrievably. Taking advantage of a half -holiday I went up to Glasgow and asked Mrs. Baylis for a trial turn. She looked me up and down and said, "What are ye?" "I'm a comic," I replied. "Well, all I can say is that you don't look like one," was her only comment. Then she turned to her desk and went on working. "I'm really no bad, Mrs. Baylis," I pleaded. "Gie me a chance an' I'll mak' them laugh!" Probably the doleful expression in my words and on my face moved dear old Mrs. Baylis to a reconsideration of my request. At all events she turned around smilingly and remarked, "Laddie, you're makin' me laugh already; come up a fortnight tonight and I'll let ye loose among them for a minute or two. Ye'll maybe be sorry ye were sae persistent!"
When the time came for me to go on the stage at the Scotia I was shaking in every limb. The trial turns preceding mine had all got short shrift. Most of them were "off" in less than half a minute, and those that didn't willingly retire of their own accord were promptly hauled off by the stage manager by the aid of a long crooked stick which he unceremoniously hooked round their necks. The oaths and blasphemy employed by some of the disappointed would-be stars in the wings were only equalled by the riotous mirth of the audience in front. The Boer War was in progress at the time and one of the amateurs, who had had a particularly villainous reception, stopped after the first line