Roamin’ in the gloamin’ (1928)

102 ROAMIN' IN THE GLOAMIN' I had one ballad which I bought from a Trongate "poet" and it never failed to get over with the "gods." It was entitled "You Can't Put an Old Head on the Shoulders of a Child !" I forget — I don't want to remember — how the verses went but the chorus, sung to a slow, dirge-like wail, was as follows : Treat them with kindness, don't cause them pain Let not passion master you but always play the game For children will be children and remember though they're wild You cannot put an old head on the shoulders of a che-ild! The admirable sentiment contained in this last brilliant line was emphasised and underlined by my throwing out both hands in an appealing attitude to the audience and getting a pathetic "break" into my voice. I have no doubt it was a masterly performance of its type and for its time but I would not go on any stage in the world today and sing that awful song for a thousand pounds a night ! And I would do a lot for that amount of money, mind I'm tellin' ye! Another song I was singing round about this period was entitled "The Bonnie Wee Man." It was founded on an old Scottish air — as I am free and ready to confess that many of my songs were founded — of a very rollicking nature. Here is a verse and chorus : There was a wee man cam' coortin' me A bonnie wee man ca'd Tammy McPhee And oh but he was a treat to see The chappie that cam' to court me. And oh but he was a fly wee man A shy wee man an' a sly wee man A regular greasy, citrate magnesie Chappie that cam' to woo me. He lookit sae handsome what dae ye think His e'en were blue an' black an' pink I'm tellin' ye he was nae sma' drink Was the callint that cam' tae coort me. I realized quite well that such songs as these, while they passed muster as the stock-in-trade of a three or four pounds a week comedian would never get me anywhere. The first