Screenland (May–Oct 1927)

96 SCREENLAND Again He Betrayed How Little He Knew IT wasn't the first time — it had happened so often. A little tell-tale mistake — a blunder in knowledge that people took for granted he knew. At clubs, dinners, conferences — always when he most wanted to make an impression — some careless, obvious mistake revealed him. Nothing is more embarassing than to display ignorance about some subject upon which every educated person is expected to be informed. Don't let lack of education humiliate you; don't allow yourself to be handicapped in business or social life. Is Lack of Education YOUR Handicap? Did you miss the advantages of an education? Are you self-conscious about meeting cultured, worth-while people because you know you cannot talk about the things they talk about? Are you chained to a dull, low-pay job while others step up to big positions and handsome salaries, just because they have MORE EDUCATION? You need no longer suffer from this handicap! Now you can have the education you missed. You can put yourself on an equal footing with others. You can enjoy the same advantages, the same opportunities. And without taking a day from your present occupation. In just your spare time at home — a half hour or so in the evening — you can acquire the essentials of a complete High School Education. You can do it quickly ■ — easily. Read about the wonderful plan that makes learning as interesting as playing a game! A. High School Education at Home No laborious study! No tedious heavy reading! Just read fascinating questions and answers. It's fun! This entertaining method teaches you every high school subject. The full, four-year course is condensed into just twelve handy-size books. All the non-essentials are left out — every unnecessary word is omitted. You get just the things you want to know, boiled down into the briefest and simplest form. You read a question and then its answer. That's all there is to it. Your curiosity is aroused, your interest held. Once you start reading these famous question and answer books, you can't stop. You ro on and on — and almost before you real ize it, you will have acquired a high school education in all these important subjects: English, Ancient History, Physics, Economics, Biology, Algebra, Literature, French, Spanish, Modern History and American History. Used by 12,000 High School Teachers Principals, teachers and students in High School all over the country use these unique High School Home-Study Books in their daily work. They are praised by the highest educational authorities for their simplicity, clearness and thoroughness. Invaluable to students preparing for college entrance examinations. Greatest Bargain in Brain Power Ever Offered! Never before has it been possible to obtain a high school education in so easy and rapid a way, and at so little cost. The price of these twelve handy volumes, embracing a complete high school education, is less than you probably fritter away in spending money in a couple of weeks. By taking advantage of this sensational offer, your high school education costs you a total of only $15.85, payable on easy monthly terms. Pay Nothing Now Before you pay a penny, see for yourself how easy it is to acquire high school training this new, easy way. The jgwm coupon will bring you the twelve famous Blue jg Books to examine free Keep them and enjoy them for 5 days. Then decide. No risk; no f&SS! obligation. Simply 6§^^iJ>£g8$8£M mail the coupon. ' " ~ Tear it off now, before you turn the page. High School Home Study Bureau, DeptT 1910 31 Union Square, New York City HIGH SCHOOL HOME STUDY BUREAU. Dept. 1910, 31 Union Square, New York City. Gentlemen: Send me. for FREE EXAMINATION, the 12 famous Home-Study Books, containing tiie equivalent of a four year High School Education. Within 5 davs I will either return return the books or remit $3.85 as first payment and then $4 a month for three months, a total of S15.S5. (Note: If you prefer to take advantage of the 10<7o cash discount, remit $14.27 after examination.) Name „ Address _ Town state _ _ manifested itself in the physical phenomenon of the far-apart optics, so much in favor today. If a girl's eyes aren't sufficiently far apart, her face doesn't photograph and her life is ruined. The farther apart those little windows-of-the-soul happen to be, the farther the girl will get in the movies. And you know how far that is. Plenty of berries, too. Yes, the Cro-Magnon was the perfect screen type. Those big, broad shoulders; nice, round faces, and everything. Oh, girls — doesn't it remind you of Norman Kerry? Homo Sapiens may be all right — with the accent on the sap; he may belong to clubs, but can he swing 'em? But Homo Primigenius, now — there was a boy for you! He certainly knew his way around. He was the first club-man. His address-book looked like the Washington Monument. He knew how. He never wasted his time sending flowers or taking his girl out to look at the latest stone-pictures. No matter what he wanted — a wife or a wart-hog — he just went out and got it. Sometimes he did a bit of work with his Indian clubs on the way: but anyway, he brought home the bacon or the baby every time. He was smart. Norman Ketry must have learned technique from him to use in "Annie Laurie". When Cassius X. Cro-Magnon came across a dame he fancied, he didn't hesitate. He grabbed her. Of course, after the conquest his ardor sometimes cooled. Then the following scene might be staged: "Darling," whimpered Mrs. C. "Mrs. Ugh-Ugh has two of the prettiest new black eyes this morning, and I haven't got any. You d-don't Move me any more!" Sock! She gets her black eyes, all right — and how she loves it! That grab-'em-and-sock-'em technique is just as good today as it ever was. John Gilbert. Billy Haines, Charlie Farrell have all used it to good effect. Cavemen all. What is it that registers more than anything else on the jumping jellos? Primitive emotions: nothing more and nothing less, and it's enough. The same hugs and hisses, the same clutches and curses, coos and kicks — just as good today as they ever were. It takes a lot to make a dinosaur laugh, according to Professor Twitch: but there was mirth in jungle town the day that Man first lost his pants. Nice, refined comedy didn't get over so well with primitive audiences. The funniest thing that could happen to anybody then was to sit down hard on a hot kettle, get kicked in the excitement, and then to lose his fur trousers. A hippopotamus skin will be presented to anybody who can think of anything funnier on the screen today. Homo neanderthalensis may have been vulgar but I bet he was pretty funny — and so is your old Wallace Beery. Eve was just a primitive girl. Probably she wasn't much bigger than Clara Bow or Lya de Putti. She didn't give a fig-leaf for conventions; she didn't know any elks. But when you think what she started — ! Didn't she raise Cain, though — a very able girl. Now Clara and Lya and Louise seem to be carrying on. And there was Cleopatra, too. True, she didn't happen along until several billion years later, but better late than never, you know. She has been a model girl ever since. Not a perfect 36; more like a perfect 14. Yes, Cleo was a Misses Size Siren. She had to stand on tiptoe to bite Marc Anthony's ear. In order to gain admittance to the presence of Julius Caesar on one occasion she rolled herself up in some blankets and was carried in on the shoulder of a slave, who refused to accept any tip.