Screenland (Jun-Oct 1935)

for July 19 33 The Mad, Merry Set Continued from page 19 performance. Did they have fun ! Bob and Chet were given Oriental costumes with long twirling mustachios and fierce eyebrows and told to lead the elephants, while Betty and Sue rode up on top dressed up like Fatima, the Sultan's Favorite. They lead the big parade around the tent and who should be sitting in a prominent box but Mr. Louis B. Mayer of M-G-M, none other than their "boss." As they passed Mr. Mayer Bob shouted at Chet, "I hear 'Reckless' is awful. And personally I couldn't hand 'David Copperfield' a thing. Who makes those lousy pictures?" And there was the time that Chester and Sue were asked by Somebody Important to entertain guests from the Middle West, a little task that every movie star has wished on him from time to time. All guests arrive in Hollywood with the idea that all stars are idiots and imbeciles so Chet and Sue decided to live up to their advance publicity. They invited the Montgomerys, and when the guests were shown into the exquisite Morris drawing-room they were greeted by Chet and Bob wearing nothing more or less than shorts, tuxedo jackets, mustaches and derbies. Bob and Chet are always playing jokes on each other, the most recent one involving a horse. Bob bought a beautiful filly, but to his dismay discovered that the horse was possessed of an insane desire to sit down in public places and just relax. So Bob, with a beautiful gesture of friendship and a lot of "my old pal" hooey, gave the nag to Chet for his birthday ; and with Sue and Betty and a gang of friends parked along Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills to see Chet try out his horsemanship on the famous bridle path. All dolled up like an Englishman riding to hounds, Chet appeared, and fired with ambition by an audience decided to treat them to a little horsemanship. But the filly had other ideas ; she decided to sit down right in the middle of the bridle path, and just as a sight-seeing bus crammed with movie fans passed by. Another grand irresponsible couple, who are insane in a nice way, are the Dick Barthelmesses. While other actors are worrying lest their public forget them Dick blithely goes on round-the-world tours for months at a time. At five minutes to six Dick may suddenly announce that it would be nice to go to China ; and a few hours later, he and Jessica, giggling like a couple of kids, will be on a steamer tooting its way out of Los Angeles Harbor. Dick and Bill Powell have been pals for a long time and they are constantly "ribbing" each other much in the manner of Montgomery and Morris. One of the best ribs, I think, was the night soon after Bill had moved into his elegant new Beverly Hills mansion. The phone rang and an official of the Hollywood Water and Power company asked to speak most urgently to Mr. Powell. "Mr. Powell," the voice came over the phone frantically, Tm calling from the Hollywood Water and Power Company. I must warn you that the Los Angeles reservoir has just broken and that the pipes in your house are in grave danger of bursting unless you turn on all the taps and continually flush the toilets." Dick and Jessica arrived fifteen minutes later to find Mr. Powell's beautiful mansion sounding like Niagara Falls. Bill's house alone would make him eligible for life membership in the Fits and Convulsions Club. Bill has a doorknob complex, and is definitely queer for push-buttons ; in fact, he's completely nuts on the subject of push-buttons. So everything in his new house is controlled by buttons. He pushes a series of buttons, (something like the combination of a safe), and his big massive gates open. "I dislike solitude," Bill told me recently at Carole Lombard's party, "so by a push of the button I can hear what's being said in every room of the house. I loathe doorknobs, so I have buttons installed on the floors in front of every door and when I step on the button the door flies open. In my private theatre if I notice that my guests are yawning and are quite bored with the picture I merely press a button and out from the walls pop two disappearing beds so my guests can take a little nap in complete comfort. Perhaps I have overdone it a bit, though," he admitted vaguely, "for I don't seem to be able to find half the buttons." Which reminds me that the first night Bill came home to his new home he completely forgot the combination of gate buttons, so tophat, tails, and all, he had to climb over the wall, only to be greeted in the driveway by a huge horse-shoe of lilies with SUCCESS on a purple banner — a tender little thought from ex-wife Carole Lombard. The mad, merry little doings of Bill Powell are innumerable. He likes to recite poetry to blank walls ; he likes to carry on long conversations over the phone that don't make sense ; and never, never can he remember to get to a place on time. Poor Jean Harlow's servants never know when they will be able to announce dinner. But Bill played a nifty on her at her last dinner party. "I will give him until eightfifteen," Jean said quite definitely to her guests sprawled over her white drawingroom, "and if he isn't here by then we'll just eat without him." Came eight-thirty and a furious Jean and her famished guests simply fell into the dining room. There sat Bill, quite suave and debonair, (despite the fact he had just slipped in). "My, my," he said gaily, "I thought you'd never come. I've practically finished the olives." Carole Lombard is definitely on my list of eligibles. She is but divinely insane, with the swellest sense of humor in Hollywood. If you are a friend of hers you are not the least surprised when the phone rings at three in the morning and she merrily informs you and she and Fieldsie will be over in fifteen minutes to take you to Big Bear where she has a cabin. Carole has never left for Big Bear at a respectable hour. She does everything on the impulse of the moment, unless Fieldsie, her secretary, can manage to hold her down, which is practically a case of the blind leading the blind, as Fieldsie herself is so vague that often she forgets her own name. Carole's madness has me in stitches constantly, but it was last January in New York that I nearly died. I had come East on the train with Carole and at every station there were crowds of people, and in New York mobs and cameras every place she went. One afternoon the manager of the RKO Music Hall invited us on a tour of his famous building which rises fifty-five stories into the air. We worked up and after we had "ohed" and "ahed" over the beauty of the view from the top we took an elevator down. To a couple of Hollywood hicks used to nothing taller than Tom Mix's ten gallon hat that trip down on the elevator seemed to take hours. Finally the door opened and we stepped out into a lonely lounge. "What, no one to meet 95 THE APPLIED RESEARCH SOCIETY . . . is using this space to correct a popular error about ASTROLOGY Astrology is no more related to "Fortune Telling" than is a Doctor's advice to eat certain foods and avoid certain infections. — Or the caution of a Beach Guard that you should keep inside the ropes at high water. Both tell and caution, but do not COMPEL. Just so Astrology tells, but does not compel; it cautions, restrains or indicates action on certain Dates and about certain things. These favorable and unfavorable Dates are not matters of chance, but determined by mathematical progression of Star positions from the exact time of your own Birth. That the advice is good and the Dates are accurate can easily be accepted, because of Astrology's absolute accuracy upon intimate personal matters, known only to you. © 1935 A. R. S. Applied Research Society forecasts guide the lives and guard the acts of countless Men and Women in Business, Banking, Education and the Theatrical and Medical Professions. Read letter from Doctor S. H. J.: "I was certainly amazed at the accuracy and deep knowledge you have displayed in casting this Horoscope. I have had work of this kind done many times, in India, Germany and the United States, and I can truthfully say that the work done by you has been the most accurate. I am sending you the enclosed remittance to cast a Horoscope for a young lady who was born on the 17th. 10 A. M." These Forecasts are very detailed (about 20,000 words) and cover full 12 months from date it is sent to you. Being based upon your Birth Date, we must be informed where, what year, month and date you were born. YOUR Forecast will be sent, sealed, for one dollar (bill or check) which will be refunded if you are not fully satisfied and return the Manuscript. Or, if you simply enclose a 3c stamp for postage on reply, the Society will advise of certain Dates important to you. APPLIED RESEARCH SOCIETY 76 Prospect Street • Marblehead, Mass.