Screenland (Nov 1935-Apr 1936)

for January 1936 in good condition. That's a lot to promise. That's where my friend, Roly Leigh, comes in very handy, because he generally champions my cause, and Cis has great respect for his judgment. Roly very seldom says no to anything, but when he does say no in a strange way, I can tell he means it and I never argue. That's one thing about Roly, I know just how far I can go with him. But being a gentleman, he realizes the importance of things like guns and knives and animals and the rougher side of life. When we're trying to persuade Cis about something, he'll sort of look at her out of the corner of his eye and say : "I think we've got her halfway. There's a light in her eye that tells me she's giving in." Well, of course, I didn't have Roly there to help me about the horse, so I had to depend on myself alone. So I watched anxiously, and presently I saw this giving-in light appear in Cis's eye, and she said: "But it must be a brown horse." And I threw my arms 85 Villainy works for Cupid! The fear motive drives Ann Sothern into Eddie Lowe's arms. Good work! around her, because that meant I could have him. But whether I will or not is the burning question. I have a beautiful dog, though — a spaniel that Constance Collier gave me. That's how I named him Concol — Con for Constance, you see, and Col for Collier. He's a very sensitive dog and rather nervous, and you must never spank that sort of dog, even when he's naughty, because it hurts his feelings so dreadfully, poor little fellow, and you'll find it difficult to soothe the injury away. You must just talk gently to him and reason with him, and that helps him to control his emotional stastisttics. Because now when Concol wants to go out, even at night, he patters over to Cis and puts his paws on her bed and licks her hand very lovingly so as not to startle her, but just to suggest what he wants. I hope he's happy with us, but sometimes when he looks up at me, his eyes are so sad that I can't help putting my arms around him and asking him what makes him so sorrowful. Only of course he never answers. But Cis says dogs' eyes are just made that way, and he really likes us. Perhaps you remember my telling you last time about the David Coppcrficld preview. Well, I recalled noticing on that occasion that many of the ladies wore flowers pinned to their dresses, so when I heard we were going to the Anna Karenina preview, I saw that Cis must have flowers too. I saved up all my nickels for a month and consulted Roly, and he advised me to give them into his keeping and he would buy the corsage. Cis invited Roly and his friend to dinner, and Roly gave me the box secretly, which was very beautiful and had a lovely bunch of pansies tied in the ribbon. Then at the last moment, I realized that I hadn't provided for Roly and his friend, so I hastily scrambled around and found a package of cards — of course, they'd been unfortunately used but were still quite shiny — and I took three cigarettes from Cis's box and marched in with my booty. I put the cards at Roly's place and the cigarettes at his friend's and then, just as I was about to present the flowers, Gladys walked in who waits on our table. She had never met Roly and his friend, so I introduced them, and then to my horror I saw that Gladys was the only one who had nothing. But luckily my eyes fell on the pansies in the ribbon, and knowing that dear Cis wouldn't mind, I presented the pansies to Gladys and then gave the remainder of the box to Cis, which had two lovely gardenias and she pinned them to her dress for the preview. Then quite recently I felt the need of money again for my uncle, who came down from Canada to see us. It was the first time I'd met him. He'd met me, of course, when I was young, only I was too young to remember his face. Well, this time I had nothing saved up because of insufficient warning, so when a man came around to the schoolroom selling neckties, I borrowed a dollar and two cents advance on my pay from my tutor, Miss Murphy — the two cents is the tax — and bought a necktie. And next time I saw my uncle I said : "I have a lovely present for you. It cost a dollar and two cents." And then a most exciting thing happened. Because my uncle gave me two gold cuff links with FB on them — meaning Frederick Bartholomew, which is his name as well as mine and my grandfather's. And I could hardly speak when he gave them to me, because they were cherished mementums as well as gold cuff links with a little diamond in them. And I wore them to Roly Leigh's party, also my uncle's gold watch which he loaned me with a very lovely chain right across the waistcoat. I couldn't help being a little nervous in the car on the way to the party, and I said to Cis : "You know, Cis, I really ought not to have these valuables on. What if we were held up?" But we weren't. My uncle really met us first at Yosemite on our way to San Francisco for a holiday and personal appearances. And when we went to Camp Curry to see the firefall, a rather curious thing happened. Do you know what the firefall is ? Well, it's a sort of sacrament in memory of the Indians, who used to have it. They start burning a great big pile of pinewood for about two hours, and just as it gets redhot like coals — only it isn't coals, it's entirely logs — they push it over the edge and it falls a few thousand feet in a sheer drop before it hits again. That's at nine o'clock every evening, and meantime they sing beautiful cowboy songs. Well, it was quite dark before we got there, and I saw a man approaching, only it was too dark to see his face, and I said: "Is this the firefall?" And what d'you think he said ? He said : "Is this David Copperfield?" though he couldn't see my face either, but he said he recognized my voice from the question. That was a curious thing, wasn't it? And in San Francisco, I made personal appearances with Anna Karenina. I love personal appearances, because I like to meet all the people in the audience. I'll alway remember San Francisco, because Cis generally stands in the wings where I can see her, but this time she stood in the theatre. And it seemed so strange not to see her in the wings, so when I came BID THAT COLD BE GONE! Oust it Promptly with This Fourfold Treatment! BEWARE of a cold — even a slight cold — and any cold ! A cold can quickly take a serious turn. What you want to do is treat it promptly and thoroughly. Don't be satisfied with mere palliatives. A cold, being an internal infection, calls for internal treatment. That's common sense. A cold, moreover, calls for a cold treatment and not for a cure-all. 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