Screenland (May-Oct 1937)

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It isn't fair to children to let them grow up little heathens. Another thing George and I can't approve of, is treating our children differently from other children just because we happen to be professional people. "For instance, take this fad among the movie people of taking reels and reels of baby's first tooth, his or her first step, or the first time she slapped the nurse in the face! Cute? Several of our friends have these movie cameras, and I think Ronnie and Sandra would not mind being photographed in the least. But we haven't a movie camera in the house, principally because I think there's such a thing as disciplining parents, too. I don't care how adorable children may be, there's no need for your guests to suffer through a feature-length film of Junior in his diapers ! We take kodak pictures, instead." But you have the feeling the pictures closest to Gracie's heart are the memories she's storing away of Sandra's arms around her neck after she's fibbed — of the first time Ronnie jumped over the sides of his crib. "Oh, yes," said Gracie, "where were we in this treatise of the perfect housewife at work and at play? Well, an evening with the Burnses is just one of those things. After an early dinner with the children, (they make us eat something with them), and a later one ourselves, we'll either go down to the corner movie, or sit here in front of the fire and admire our home ! Not very exciting, but oh, so satisfying." "But surely you entertain a great deal in this new home?" I prompted. "And don't think we're going to skip over the hostess problems lightly, either !" "Oddly enough, we haven't entertained here as much as we planned to," she admitted. "You see, immediately after we moved in, Sandra was ill. Then George and I had to make a hurried trip to New York. When we came back some of the strainedly that I took care not to interrupt. Seldom does a star bare his innermost feeling so. "We men are so anxious to be proud," he continued emphatically, "so I'm going to tell Mavourneen to show her boy-friends many reasons why they could be terrifically proud of her. Men hate intolerance — I want her to be' tolerant above all things ! "And another thing — we're proud of a woman who's clever. I am purposely collecting an excellent library so my Mavourneen will be well-read. Then I'll take her traveling so she'll be cosmopolitan. I hope she won't be guilty of artificiality; men can't stand pretending and a woman who is well-informed doesn't bother vamping by putting on acts. "She'll arouse more male pride by being domestic, by being capable. Men wish to save their loved ones from as many humdrum, tiring chores as they can. But gosh — ! How we swell up at the recollection of how our wives or sweethearts came through in a pinch. Before I could persuade my wife to gamble on me she cooked and sewed for herself, and she was carving out an acting career simultaneously. furniture was still to arrive — and then we started work on a picture. We've had a few informal dinners, of course." "And how are the pointers coming on?" I persisted. "Promise not to laugh and I'll tell you something. I think I've stumbled onto something really good in the hostessing line. This isn't new — but it is always good : keep your parties small and congenial. And then — skip the old 'guest stand-byes' in planning your meals." I wanted to know what in the world was "an old guest-standbye." "Think back how many company meals you've eaten of chicken, turkey, roast beef, squab, or filet steaks. Think how many hors d'oeuvres you've consumed_ before a heavy meal. This 'fancy' food is what I mean by the old guest-standbyes. These are all the little things the hostess insists on doing 'extra' when she's expecting dinner guests. If I have learned one little hostess secret I'm proud of, it is in trying to treat guests as though it were no trouble at all to have them ! "Perhaps it may be twice as much trouble to prepare good pot roast and good potato pancakes than in having the proverbial turkey or squab. But I like the simple routine. It looks so unplanned. George helped me on this, too. He said the majority of men prefer the simple food they eat every night in their own homes — or else they wouldn't be eating them so often. And of course, it's the men who have to be pleased with a dinner. The women are dieting, so what? "So that's really the only little tip I've learned on my own. I know George and I were flattered to death the other evening when Jack and Mary Benny came over for dinner. We had the best meat balls and mashed potatoes you ever ate — and Jack was so relaxed after dinner, he went to sleep ! How's that for being the perfect hostess?" Gracie kidded. I think it's swell. I hope Gracie and George invite me to dinner some night for meat balls — even if I would be too interested in the evolution of radio's most popular feminine personality into a darn good housekeeper to go to sleep and flatter Mrs. George Burns, wife, mother, and hostess extraordinary ! What a pip she is ! It was plain that she'd be an elegant home-maker. Today, on the cook's day off, oh boy — ! "I'll tell my daughter," Pat resumed, calming down a bit, "to be athletic, to be a sample of robust young American womanhood. So she'll sidestep sicknesses. She must acquire a sense of humor, too, for being able to laugh off disappointments rescued me from quitting near the beginning. And certainly she'll be informed of the solace of prayers. "But I shall not lecture her on smoking and drinking and staying out too late ! If we've made any kind of a go of raising her, she'll have common sense, an instinct for behaving as a well-bred woman does. "The chief advice I'll give Mavourneen, however, is : Be as much like your mother as possible! Her mother is the essence of loveliness. Her mother has background, has always been a great student. Yet she also has culture without snobbishness, and graciousness without deceit. And oh, marvelous kindness ! I intend to say, oftenest : Hang on to your mother's every word. Burn incense to her ideals'! "It's my theory that parents do their Til Tell My Daughter Plenty!" Continued from page 63 72 SCREENLAND