Screenland (Jan–Jun 1948)

At Command Performance, movies' number one comedian Bob Hope is pictured with the King and Queen of England, Princess Margaret and Ex-King Michael of Romania. Gordon was her best friend's brother and he was really so wonderful to Jane and their mother, exactly as if he were the father of the family. Only he hated to be kept waiting; he got cross then, and Virginia was no nervous she couldn't tie the ribbon bow on her dress. But Gordon would tie it for her, just the way her father had always tied her hair ribbons when she was a little girl. And so she was on time for her date after all and Gordon was so sweet to her, she began feeling relaxed and happy again as they got in his car. Then suddenly she began feeling ill. It was when Gordon began planning their marriage that the headache began and she insisted he take her home again. She remembered how his lips tightened as he swung the car around and then — she didn't want to remember what happened after that. But she couldn't run away from her thoughts any more. She had to remember. The rain, and how the car skidded on the wet road, and the headlights of the truck coming over the hill towards them, and then — She began to cry wildly, hysterically. "He can't be dead! He can't be. If only I hadn't made him turn back he wouldn't have died." "You didn't make him turn back," Dr. Kik said firmly. "You were sick and he was taking you home. That's what anybody would have done. It's only natural that you felt a certain blame. He died and you didn't. You're going to sleep now, Mrs. Cunningham. And when you wake up you will remember everything you told me." She began looking forward to Robert's visits. She was happy that day she went to the commissary on the hospital grounds where other patients and their relatives were having ice cream, too. "This ice cream is so good," she said, taking a big spoonful. "I'm glad," Robert said. "I have good news for you. You'll be going home soon. Everybody says you're so much better now. All you'll need now is a nice rest and good food and — " The panic began mounting then. "Robert!" she said suddenly. "You must divorce me! It's not fair to have you tied to me. You should have your freedom." "My freedom?" he tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away from him. "The few hours I can be with you here, that's my freedom. But I was going to tell you. Dr. Gifford says you're going to Staff. It's nothing to be afraid of. Just a group of doctors who'll talk to you a little before you go home." Virginia felt herself tensing. "Does Dr. Kik know about it?" "Dr. Gifford," Robert stressed the name, "thinks you're well enough to go to Staff. The important thing is that you want to go home with me. You do, Virginia, don't you?" "Yes," she whispered. "Everybody wants to go home from here." Dr. Kik was at Staff. It hurt seeing him there with all the other doctors. Until that moment she had hoped he wouldn't be one of those who were sending her home. She had always thought he liked her; that she was, well, sort of special to him. "Why do you want to get rid of me?" she said. "We're not trying to get rid of you," he said. But even as she looked at him, trying to decide whether he was lying or not, another doctor spoke to her. Dr. Curtis, the one none of the patients liked. His questions kept coming at her so fast she could hardly catch her breath. She remembered a painting she'd seen once of the Inquisition, a woman standing alone before a row of hard-faced judges, and suddenly she was that woman and the doctors those judges. " Where did she live? She should know that. What was the name of the street? Was it Waverly, or Bleecker, no, that was Helene Carter or was it Jennifer?^ Hudson, maybe; no, it wasn't Hudson." "I can't remember," she said bleakly. How often did her husband come to see her? As if they didn't know that better than she did. They never had blackouts, did they? Oh, no, not them. They were Staff. They wouldn't be so silly. And how old she was? She couldn't remember. She just couldn't. "Virginia," Dr. Curtis' voice came sharply, "will you please answer the questions? It will make it easier for all of us. Do you mean to tell me you can't remember your age or where you live?" He leaned over, shaking his finger at her. At first she tried not to mind it, even asking him pleasantly please not to do it. But when he kept on asking the questions at the same time the terror began rising in her. "Take your finger away!" she shouted. "Please, take it away!" She felt trapped before that waving finger. "Don't do that! Don't do that! Don't!" There was a sound that was like thunder. But after a while she knew it wasn't thunder, just the water rushing into many tubs. And she was in one of those tubs. That meant she was worse. "Come on, get out," a nurse was saying. She laughed a little then as she turned to another nurse. "Got to be careful with her. We had a little oubletray with her this morning. She ickskay and itesbay, get it? One minute all right and the next completely utsnay." So she had bitten that waving finger after all. Virginia shuddered, remembering. She wasn't the kind of person to go around biting people. "It isn't nice to call a person utsnay in this place," she said, trying to hold back her tears. They took her to another ward. One of the really bad ones. Everyone wore cheap bathrobes and there was a woman who just wanted to dance all the time. Virginia couldn't eat her lunch in that ward. She just couldn't. Dr. Kik came urging her to eat, his voice soft and gentle as always. But Virginia wasn't going to be fooled by his voice any more. "I know your kind," she screamed. "Your voice is sweet but it drips poison and lies. I hate you!" There was some more darkness and then Robert was there. His face looked so terrible, so tired and so sort of desperate. "Virginia, it wasn't Kik who sent you to Staff," he said. "It was all my fault. I was too anxious to get you out. Kik was the only one who said you weren't ready, who tried to stop you from going to Staff." It was amazing how happy it made her, hearing that. And when she was transferred to Ward One, she felt she 56 ScREENLAND