Screenland (Jul-Dec 1948)

A proper sense of values also helps fend off loneliness. All girls go through a stage of wanting to have dates with the Big Beautiful Guys, the ones with muscles, money, a convertible and dancing ability like Gene Kelly's. Later on they learn to appreciate boys or men for what they are; they weigh their good qualities, look at them with a proper sense of appreciation for character. Another sure way for a girl to become lonely eventually is to "play the field" of dates too hard and too long. The confirmed coquette after a while palls on any boy or man. He gets a very definite idea that she is fickle and finally turns his attention to a possibly less attractive girl, but one on whom he thinks he can depend for companionship and understanding. Still another mistake many girls make is being obvious about wanting to get married. Men just don't like to be rushed or pushed into matrimony. They are scared away by a girl who is foolish enough to be unsubtle about her eagerness for orange blossoms. I need hardly mention that a girl who possesses a good sense of humor, who is companionable and gay, interesting and stimulating, is never a lonely girl. She has lots of dates and beaux. But as she gets older, if she has not married and would like to, she'll find outside influences may complicate her life. Suppose, for example, she is a successful career girl. Lots of men are afraid that these girls will want to continue their careers and will think more about their work than about marriage. These men are either afraid of competition — afraid their wives would be more successful than they — or they are selfish, wanting to be undisputed bosses of the household. Whatever the cause, if a man with that fixed idea seems the ideal mate for some career girl, my suggestion is that she give up her work for a year at least and concentrate on her homemaking, for that first year of marriage calls for the greatest amount of adjustments. Perhaps later her husband will change his mind. The career girl may also discover that her own success and financial status contribute to her loneliness because unmarried men her own age are afraid they can't spend money in the manner to which they think she is accustomed. To confine dates to men who are Somebodies is to be a snob. Nobodies are frequently just as interesting and probably have more in common with our theoretical career girl. Besides, Nobodies are tomorrow's Somebodies, a thought not original but certainly true. Naturally it is fun and exciting being with successful men because they, almost without exception, have the energy, ambition and talent needed for success; those very qualities make them interesting companions. But waiting for them exclusively leads to loneliness. Waiting around for things — whether dates or anything else — just doesn't pay off. Do something about it! If you think you're in a rut of loneliness, if you're young it's probably because you are too self-centered. Extreme shyness is essentially egocentric. You should make a concerted effort to adjust yourself to your surroundings, friends and companions. If you are older and working, do that too, but in addition try to get a complete change on your vacation. Save money all year, if need be, for that change. Take a trip that will give you a different perspective. Feel assured that you can bump into romance anywhere, but don't tackle the vacation with the desperate determination to Get That Man. That scares 'em off, as I said before. Be interested in the things you see, the food you eat, the people you meet. Get your mind off yourself! Being personal, I've always wanted a trip to Europe. The War made it impossible for years, after I could afford one. Then I thought it might be more fun if I waited until I married and could go with a husband. But since I've not married, I finally decided after finishing "Casbah" that I'd better do something about my trip, and went alone. I flew the Atlantic, motored through Switzerland, France and Italy. I enjoyed every minute of it because it was the change I needed. The same can be true of other, not-so-far-off places. In Hollywood, you see, there exist all the previously discussed causes for loneliness, plus other factors — which you might remember the next time you are in the doldrums. Take the matter of men shying away from the too-evident idea of marriage. Here, even if the girl doesn't give that impression, the columnists do. After just a few dates the man and girl are said to be altar-bound. All too often the man bolts, because he has no such intention. At least in your home town you don't have to cope with publicity that blights many a romance here! As for men being afraid of successful career girls, they seem to regard actresses as the Nth degree of such. Then, too, actresses do quite well financially and often have larger incomes than some of the nice young men they might like to marry. We also have a high rate of transient male population; nice guys who come in from New York on picture or radio assignments, and then go back again. There are, too. although the Chamber of Commerce doesn't like to admit it, more women than men in Hollywood— which means that some of the girls, however glamourous and successful they might be, won't find enough dates to go around. But when an actress is working in a picture, she usually gets up at 6 a.m., which doesn't allow for many dates, for in the evening she must study for the next day's scenes. Additionally, the camera picks up the least signs of fatigue in one's face, so that limits dates to one or two at the most each week, if a girl really cares about her career. Mind, I'm not saying, "Pity the poor Hollywood Glamour Girl." But I do say a lot of H.G.G's. are lonely, and partly because of the aggravated pattern imposed by our town and industry. So be glad your home town doesn't complicate your problem as does the set-up here. And the next time you're lonely, take the advice of Grandmere Yvonne (how do I look in my shawl and tippet?) and start thinking about other people. It works. Honest! YfLother ofo (Be The answer to your style problem from Hollywood Smart, distinctive, figure flattering, twopiece. Mandarin style skirt and jacket made of finest crease-resistant rayon gabardine. 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