Screenland (Jul-Dec 1948)

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V. in fact, enjoys it. His life is a constant state of confusion and activity. Like the time he was appearing at the Million Dollar Theatre in downtown Los Angeles. He usually stayed at the theatre between shows because it was such a sleeper jump from there to his home. His dressing room was always filled with people, members of the band, transportation representatives, friends, AND the fellow who used to drop by any time during the day, walk in, sit down without a word and go to work on a rather unflattering clay model of Cugie, who never did find out who the fellow was. Lorraine still doesn't see why Cugie wants to knock himself out'so but he has a wonderful alibi for doing all the things he loves. He says with a disarming smile, . "Lorraine loves presents. I like to give them to her. " "I hope," he said, looking a little wistful, "this story won't be the cause of my wife divorcing me." Which is highly unlikely. At this point everything seems to be happy at Casa Cugat. Confused, but happy. Success — Take It Or Leave It! Continued from page 38 gardeners depart, rather than be seen wrestling with rake, broom or hose, hair all anyhow and famous face perspiring. "It is a nuisance," admitted Bette, "but it is a fact. I never used to have great regard for the way I looked off screen, but after a few unfortunate experiences, I concluded I wasn't being fair to myself. If, with a few hours to spare from the studio, I went into I. Magnin's in a great rush, invariably I was recognized by a dozen shocked people who made derogatory comments on my appearance. I discovered that even for the slightest errand I must take time to look my best, and once I accepted the fact, it ceased to bother me." Success has, of course, given her material things. "I'm able to live the sort of life that appeals to me, have the house I like, the clothes I like, the food I like. I can travel where I choose, in the manner I choose. I am, indeed, fortunate. "Again, on the other side of the ledger, I missed my college days. I was robbed of four years of fun, good companionship, and perhaps the formation of enduring friendships, because instead of going to college, I went to work. "As a result, I haven't as many close friends as I would sincerely like to have. As for friendships formed later on, the very nature of my work makes it extremely difficult. First of all, ' an enormous amount of time goes into my job, and it takes time to make friends. Since friendship is usually founded on mutual tastes and interests, one would think I'd have many friends among the members of my own profession. "But friendships between professionals are often awkward; automatically, we are all rivals. Those with non-professionals are apt to be complicated because, through no fault of theirs or ours, they usually become tag-alongs. They simply don't feel comfortable with us. I know several people, not in my profession, whom I would like to have as friends who call me on the telephone now and then, and invariably begin the conversation by apologizing for 'bothering' me. The premise is false, you see, and the result is disastrous." If Bette had never succeeded on the screen, she believes she would always have lived in New England, which she loves. Her work has made it impossible for her to choose where she would live. "Success also has robbed me of the chance to devote all my time to my daughter," she continued. "That is a sacrifice. Barbara is at the enchanting age, and I'm missing so much of it. I see her for half an hour in the morning, and for an hour and a half at night, on the days I work. It is hard to leave her upbringing to a nurse." According to Bette the forfeiting of her right to be a "human being" is where success has taken its toll the most. "We haven't the right to look like sixty when we feel like it, to have a headache when we have one, to be in a bad temper when we are, in fact, none of the every day irritations that affect human beings as a whole, are supposed to affect us at all. We have no right to these human indulgences because I truly believe to most people we are not human." Another thing Bette can thank her career for is that since she has become successful, she has learned to let the unfair criticism all successful people receive roll off her back. Without success she would not have had the opportunity to develop this immunity to the criticism of others. "Any successful person, you see, is allowed no right motive for anything," Bette continued. "The less fortunate are enormously jealous of success, and it's a human fault to want to find successful people in the wrong. More than once I have sat at a restaurant table and heard people around me discussing me as if I could neither see nor hear them. "It isn't done to be rude; nobody on earth would be intentionally that rude! It's just that they don't realize we are people as they are people. We have eyes and ears also. They have seen us on the screen only, so when we are close at hand, we just can't be alive. In such cases, all we can do is to behave as if we were our shadow selves, like ghosts who have not materialized." Also in Bette's view of things, "The more successful you are the more conspicuous are your mistakes. More so in Hollywood than almost anywhere else, due to the fact we are known all over the world. If you've been fortunate 66 SCREENLAND