Screenland (Sept 1922–Feb 1923)

52 aajr-ooi SCREENLAND Ciifi LOVE INSURANCE By F. C, Portland, Ore. ILTOU have struggled with the germ -I of an idea and it has got the best of you. With the thought of love insurance, as you have applied it, a skilled writer might talc;: it as a starting point and work up an amusing farce. But your story is scattered, weak and quite worthless. Please do not be offended. The only way we can help in this department is to be utterly frank and sincere. TRIGGER FINGERS By L. B. D., Chey enne, Wyo. TF we were the scenario editor at a ■1 studio such as Universal City, where many westerns are used, we would give careful consideration to this dandy little plot of yours. However, before submitting it, try to sharpen your characterizations with subtle action and introduce whimsical lines that will suggest added action and also furnish material for subtitles. The margin of added value that you may be able to give to it by more careful work may sell it. Go to it. WANDERLUST By J. C, Philadelphia, Pa. "\^OU haven't a very clear idea what •1 it's all about, yourself. Your story is not logical. For instance, Thomas' mother is blind ; the postmaster robs her when she gives him Tom's letters to open and read. Why didn't Tom learn of this? You haven't explained. Also, in a gun battle between Tom and the crooks she interferes — but you have told us that she is too blind to read letters. You haven't done very much thinking on W anderlust. THE FAIR INVADER By E. E., Victoria, B. G. T> EAD what you have sent us and see A.Vhow vaguely you have written. How do you expect a scenario editor to get anything out of it? You say Adelaide is a racer. But we cannot tell if she is a horse, a yacht, an automobile or a trained flea. THE HAT SALE By F. B., Vallejo, Calif. WE don't "go 50-50" on scenarios. This department is a service for readers and not a sales agency. Anyway, your contribution has no value. Photograph by Spurr. MY MAIDEN EFFORT By BRADLEY KING Incc Writer Anther of "I Am Guilty," "Jim," "A Man of Action," "Ncivs"—all originals—and a number of adaptations. Ilfh<^,pe^d seYera' years ago and because * of the old saying, "fools rush in, etc." I was in Coronado and heard there was a picture company producing there. Having Just come from New York, it sounded thrilling and exciting, so I slid out from under watchful eyes and went down to Investigate. ^ After much maneuvering I qot inside was asked my business, and having 'none,' was almost turned out, when a young man with frantic eyes and wild hair, wh5 carried a \ p^peii! and l00,<ed frightfully im»Sll »' t,°°,k P|tv J*" nie and led me onto the sets. ' I learned he was the author and scenario writer, in fact, he was the "staff." and we became real chummy. He took me ch»i° / office' w,hlcn was P"e°" nigh with sheets of paper. They were everywhere but on the ceiling, and noting my amazement, he told me in his breathless way that he couldn't typewrite, that the girl who did his work was sick and he couldn't get another— that the director was howling for the script and that he didn't know what to do. I had the bright idea. I told him neatly that I'd typewrite his story if he'd teach me how to write a scenario. I don't think he waited for me to finish. He cleared off the typewriter table by the simple method of scraping everything on it onto the floor, dragged out the machine from beneath his desk—hurled an eraser at me together with a motley assortment of script" which he assured me I'd "get the hang of," and left me to my own devices. It took him a day or two to discover that I couldn't typewrite any better than he could, but he was game. We struggled through and I wrote my own story, which he helped me whip into shape, it was a threereel "meller-drama," with the accent on the meller," but I received $20 for the story and continuity. I was so surprised that I rushed home and told about It, which resulted in my being whisked back to New York. The wild-eyed young man was the now well-known Julian Luis Lamothe, and the story was "The Playthings of the Gods." THE VOW By II. V., North Platte, Neb. XTliRY long ago, so long ago that we ▼ have forgotten the author and cannot credit him, we read an article analyzing writers. There are three reasons why people seek to have their thoughts in print, the article said. The first and by far the most prevalent urge is vanity. To express one's views in print is the impulse that burdens the mail of newspaper editors. It is the impulse that, if successful, leads a fairly able writer to professional writing — commercial authorship. Then we have the second rea son for writing: to make money. But the third subdivision of authorship lies far beyond the other two. Here we find people who are writing because they have something to say. Of the thousands of amateur scenario writers, very few indeed have anything at all to say; nor is anything they say, in most cases, at all worth while saying. But you seem to have something to say. Your material is original beyond any doubt of ours. You have written convincingly and entertainingly in one of the greatest fields of human interest: marriage. It is not always an interesting and well-plotted story that makes a motion picture, however. The abstract qualities of thought on which you build so much contains very sparse screen action. Surely one who has written as you have done can perceive the qualities that make a story suitable for motion picture use. Symbolize thought expression in action —make pictures of it. This general comment will apply to your story throughout. Maintain the arrangement you have now, because construction follows expression. Develop your story. It is worth it. If you are a subscriber, or If you send . . a.~pa,d 'inscription *o SCREENir^^iSwyoUia.r? en*'Ved *o one personal detailed criticism of your story on this page by our scenario expert — one criticism for each subscription. NO CHARGE whatsoever Is made for this service. Questions of literary phases of the screen are also answered in this department. For this service you do NOT have to be a subscriber. Manuscripts submitted for criticism are returned, if return postage is enclosed, within two weeks, but the large number of scenarios submitted often make It Impossible to publish the criticism in the first issue following receipt of the manuscript In this department. Address all manuscripts to "Scenario Editor," SCREEN LAND, 5540 Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood, Calif.