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JAMES DARREN continued
His understanding of life has grown more in the last year than in all the years before. "It really began when I met Evy"
such a beautiful girl, such a genuine girl. When I'm with Evy I'm so relaxed, so comfortable. When you're in love you're so satisfied."
Jimmy recalled his first enthralled awareness of it when he did a screen test with Evy. They had met several months after his separation from his childhood sweetheart, Gloria. Knowing Evy, had opened up feelings that he never suspected he had, and he was really startled at the salutary effect on his functioning.
"My acting improved so much," he smiled, still incredulous, "that it was unbelievable. I used to hold back. I used to be afraid to show my emotions. When I did this scene with Evy, I felt I accomplished something as a human being. My back was to the camera all the time, and yet all the people recognized it. I was able to feel my emotions so strongly that I could express them even though 50 people were standing around watching."
Jimmy pulled his robe tight against the chill night air. The memory of that crucial test with Evy, and what it meant in terms of his growth as a person and as a performer, seemed to warm him more than the steaming coffee.
"I had to feel love in this scene," he explained. "Before I would have been inhibited. Out of that love I had to beg her not to commit suicide over another man. She felt she was not good enough for this man, and I was trying to convince her how wrong she was. I noticed all the people
around me, and for the first time in my life I was able to tell myself they didn't mean anything. Any other time I could never have conveyed the required love. But this time I was able to take what I felt for Evy and use it. I finally recognized love and saw what it was like to be in love. I felt rich inside."
It was so different from those years when Jimmy Darren, nee James Ercolani, felt empty inside, not rich. And Jimmy was able to talk about that, too — without flinching.
"I don't think I was really happy before," he faced up to it. "Oh, I may have been happy in a way as a teenager. Even then I had limitations. There wasn't much to make you happy then. You have a bunch of friends and good times. But that's just doing things. That's not really being happy, not really feeling. Everything should grow. I had to grow — to meet the demands of life, to become more of a human being. I feel fulfilled now whereas before I didn't."
A GROUP of adoring teenage girls came over and politely asked Jimmy for his autograph. He made sure to write each one's name as he signed for them. The interruption did not break the thread of his thoughts.
"So many people stay married unhappy." He shook his head at the futility of it. "They have terrible guilt feelings. They can't bring themselves to face life as it is. Life is so basic that often we don't understand it: It seems too easy
UNTIL he met Evy, Jimmy had not been truly happy. With her, he "finally recognized love and saw what it was like to be in love."