Swing (Jan-Dec 1945)

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by GEORGE F. MaGlLL "Oi&, excuse me. I thought you was a bird! They say the boys returning from service in the far corners of the earth are bringing home some exotic ideas such as wearing one earring pirate style and carrying strange mascots . . . like parrots. Well, just in case the service man in your life should imbibe too freely of fermented cocoanut juice and come home with a parrot perched on his wrist, we shall set down a few helpful observations out of our experience with Car'os. Yes, we had a parrot. Which brings up the one about the sailor who followed the parrot into the jungle. The poUy flew into a tree. The sailor climbed up after it. The parrot edged out on a limb and the sailor reached for him. "Stop," screamed the parrot. "Don't you dare touch me." "Oh, excuse me," said the sailor, "I thought you was a bird." We thought Carlos was a bird, too, but after living with him awhile we became convinced that he was the reincarnated spirit of a departed traffic cop or a baseball umpire. Carlos came to us as a gift. A friend had two of them shipped up from Mexico — one for himself, one for us. They arrived in the same crate and had obviously been about as congenial as a marine and a sailor trying to sleep in the same hammock. My friend's parrot proved to be blind in one eye, doubtless the result of one of their battles enroute, and Carlos had no tail. It had really been plucked out by the roots. In five years he never added a feather to it! Carlos Vv'as a Panama Black Tongue, supposed to be one of the best talkers. He (or she, we were never sure) soon learned to say "Hello," which is basic parrot English. He had one other conversational bon mot which sounded hke, "Bring it over." Occasionally he would slur the two together into "Hellover." We spent endless hours trying to increase his vocabulary further. No soap! We had just about given up teaching Carlos to speak fluently when we received a very promising piece of advice from Mexico City. A guide, named Jose whom my friend had met in that land of romance, suggested this classic method: "Refferent about the Parrot, you can tell to your friend, he can use a regular alcohol or wiskey or brandy on the head, behind the ears the winds under to make dronk the Parrot, and after when he be sure the Parrot is full dronk he can start to talk slowly and clear a two or three f rases repeting for a while, and if Parrot is of a good race.