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CLEAN IT UP, KIDS
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end or else dish up the whole war to us in exotic tongues?
For instance, wouldn't it make your palpitating old ticker flutter some day to pick up the paper and read: a la Guerre comme a la guerre.
Why, it would give the old pump, which isn't just what it used to be anyway, an upheaval of joy!
Translated by the young droop next door this would inform you ("and I quote") — "in war as in war," or, for the matter of that, "a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose." How should one know?
Another nifty which any commentator who amounts to a hoot could profitably heist from the French someday is that old military axiom: le veritable Amphytriion est I'Amphy trion ou Von dine. There now, clean it up and youVe got something there!
As nearly as the kid next door has been able to figure out, that wheeze means ("and I quote!") — "The true Amphytrion is the Amphytrion where one dines." Meaning darned near anything under the sun, but you can bet your last sou (a French word meaning "your last sou") that it's wacky.
The particularly irritating thing about these commentators is that they've been batting and manhandling that word "materiel" all over Europe and totally ignoring its possibilities on the domestic market. Just look what they could do with it on the Camp Knox front!
Take a commentator from one to 10 (take them all and "materiel" with 'em and see if I care!) and send him
packing off to the training camps. He ought to get something perfectly dandy when Sergeant O'Shaughnessy of the so-called "Red" army reports to his captain on the results of recent field maneuvers with the "Blue" army in the pidgin English which these wizards seem to go for in such a big way.
"Bon jour, mon capitaine — we have met the inimy and whipped the diable out of 'im! As usual, I landed a coupe de maitre" (French for 'master stroke') "on a damn Badli (Hindu for 'substitute') "shoutin' the while, 'hodie mihi, eras tibi' (Latin for 'today for me, tomorrow for thee')."
Then, carried away on a moonbeam of whimsy, Sergeant O'Shaughnessy continues : "An' I might be addin' too, that the damned inimy lost much ma' teriel. Voila!" (French for 'there it is!' or 'Here you are!') You pay your money, and you take your choice, folks.
But the sergeant, faithful chronicler that he is, dishes up the bitter with the sweet and adds: "However, in order that mon capitaine may be au courant" (French for 'fully acquainted with') "it galls me to say that in the midst of the battle I felt a surge of Heimweh" (German for 'homesickness') "and before I knew it damned if I hadn't lost much materiel — namely one Geta (Japanese for 'shoe'), "and my Brunch (Woman's Home Companion for 'a little too late for breakfast and a bit too early for lunch') ."
That's the idea, folks — and come in, you old Commentator, you!