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WHY WEATHERMEIV?
They can't do anything about it, anyway! by DICK SMITH
WE'RE going to have weather, whether-men or not, and it's a dead cinch nobody, not even the weathermen, can do a darn thing about it.
On the other hand, I personally know any number of people who can precipitate a precipitation almost anytime. All they have to do is plan a picnic, have the car washed, or get a fresh hair'do at the beauty parlor. No doubt about it, it'll rain. Why, one time I caused it to rain for two solid weeks in Minnesota. I drove five hundred miles up there on a fishing trip.
I've never seen a sympiesometer or a barometer, but I'll bet my wife's new umbrella I could have listened to the bluejays and done better than the USWB boys did this spring.
Yes, yes, we know — prevailing air currents from Canada in juxtaposition to equally prevalent currents from the Gulf often scramble the forecaster's weather map. But the unscrambling of the high and low pressure areas has hit a new low lately. Conflicting air currents never bothered my old Aunt Lucy, no sir! She had a head of hair that never missed. When those fuzzy locks of hers frizzed, boys and girls, it rained! She only missed once and that was the time in 1928 when it hailed.
May and June in Missouri this year have made prevaricators out of prognosticators more often than they care about. It hasn't been a case of June busting out all over — it's been a case of June cloudbursting out all over and over. Monotonous, wasn't/isn't it?
Maybe it's a matter of the weathermen of today trying to draw it a little too fine. A modern forecaster gives us a "partly cloudy to mostly cloudy," and what do we get? It either rains or clears up. Why, I can remember back in the days of that old
veteran forecaster, P. Connor. If Pat thought there was a remote likelihood of rain he came out with a "cloudy with showers likely." Upon which we would take our rain coats or umbrellas with us and be pleasantly surprised if it didn't rain and wouldn't cuss him if it did. P. Connor was not only a weatherman, he was a diplomat.
Nowadays it isn't the weather so much that provides a conversation piece as it is the weathermen. Please don't misunderstand me, I think weathermen are here to stay, and they do hit it right once in a while. The law of averages doesn't let 'em down. As for me, I think I'll stick to the Old Farmers' Almanac and my uncle Dudley's rheumatic joints.
Well, the weather man says it's going to rain tomorrow . . . guess I'll get out my golf clubs now . . .
Credo
I'm tired of poverty.
Of mulling and grubbing.
Along with the hundred and thirty million.
All them masses
Like me! I intend to scrimp and save.
Until I've got a million.
Then I'll remember the masses . . .
And maybe consider
Philanthropee. Could be
They'll come to me
And listen while I tell
Every mother's son of them
To go to hell!
— OUT fnend, Meme La Moto