Swing (Jan-Dec 1946)

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LOOK DUT BELOW! A certain schoolmarm has a niece and the niece has a husband. The niece has also been sewing on tiny garments lately. So the other wee hour the niece's husband called the schoolmarm and said, "I'm at the hospital now . . . it's a baby boy . . . eight pounds, three ounces!" The schoolmarm climbed into her clothes and stuck her hair under her hat and called a cab. "Get me over to . . . hospital quick," she told the cabbie, "I want the maternity entrance." The cabbie rolled. Along came a speed cop. The cabbie shouted. "Maternity case!" and the cop opened up his siren and escorted the cab to the hospital at 70 miles per. As the cab reached the maternity entrance the schoolmarm, a tremulous creature, fainted. When she woke up the staff physician, three nurses and an interne were standing around her. She was in a hospital gown. They were puzzled. She was puzzled. She was, they intimated, either a false alarm or crazy. She didn't try to explain . . . just took her clothes and went home, blushing. • Johnny's mother asked him if he had fallen down in his good pants. To which Johnny replied, "Yes, ma'am. I didn't have time to take them off." "It won't be wrong now," hummed the young bride as she strolled down the aisle. Blind Date — An engagement between two strangers, arranged by someone who dislikes both parties. Doing right would probably be a lot more fun if it were wrong. • Two Chilean workmen stopped on a railway siding to have a look at a huge electric transformer which filled most of the space on a flatcar. "1 wonder what that funny-looking thing can be?" "I'm not sure," said the other, "but it might be a North American canary cage. These Yankees always make things a.^ complicated as possible." • "I'm very absent-minded," said the professor. "I often find names and telephone numbers written in my notebook, but I can't remember what persons they represent. Recently I had a general checking up. The name and address of one man baffled me. so I wrote to him asking if he had ever heard of me and if I was supposed to do something for him. He wrote back a cordial letter, saying that I had already done >c. He was my wife's first husband "