Swing (Jan-Dec 1946)

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The Ape Man of Java Is Miising — J^ews Item. AN IRREPARABLE LOSS WHILE I have not been officially notified, I am willing to take the paper's word for it — my poor beloved relative has disappeared. True, the Ape Man of Java was only a distant relative. But he was one of the few relatives who never sidled around trying to put the bite on us for gall bladder operations. With a dignity befitting his years the Ape Man (or Uncle Jake as we of the family always called him) kept his distance. Most of the time he maintained his residence in Java where, I understand, he was beloved by all in the village. So I never got to meet Uncle Jake before the Japs swept into Java and swiped Uncle Jake. At the present time, according to the news dispatch, hordes of eager scientists and an army or two of yawning GI's are beating the bushes of the mysterious east in search of the Ape Man. He should be easily recognized. Uncle Jake is described by all who knew him as a rather stony, lethargic citizen without any clothes on. He has an aggressive, eager expression accord ing to his portraits. His teeth stick out as though he is just on the verge of biting a hunk out of a mastodon. Furthermore, the Ape Man is ossified like a deb at a cocktail party and petrified like a congressman's brains. Then, too, this beloved relative of mine is getting along in years. According to the school books which I cracked now and then in my salad days. Uncle Jake was at his prime in the days ot the pterodactyls. It is believed that some time back there in his flamboyant youth the Ape Man got drunk and fell into a bank of clay. He was still plastered when some scientist dug him out of the ditch about a hundred years ago. But alas, after weathering the storms of the intervening centuries, the Ape Man of Java finally has vanished completely. The scientists who are conducting the posse for Uncle Jake say it is presumed the Ape Man of Java is dead. The family requests that flowers be omitted. — Carl Revere. S D Yn ii'r B a Bowler! Did you know that the game of "tenpins" was originally a game of "nine pins"? The first covered alleys used nine pins set in diamond form, but during the first part of the nineteenth century the game was prohibited by law. To circumvent the restrictive legislation a tenth pin was added, thus establishing the game as we know it today.