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The
Sage
of
Swing Says —
The best place to look for a family circle is around a square meal.
Note to many after-dinner speakers — you can't clear your mind by clearing your throat.
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The greatest of all devaluations — a woman's estimate of her own age.
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The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.
Those rainy days for which a man 6aves usually arrive during his vacation.
A
The shortest distance between two dates is a good line.
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Electric Chair — a piece of period furniture. The end of a sentence.
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Next to the woman scorned — in the list of those that hell hath no fury like — is the Communist snapping out of his dream.
The more children's fingerprints in a home, the fewer on police blotters.
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Forger — a fellow who gives a check a bad name.
Taxpayer — government worker with nc sick leaves, no holidays, and no vacations
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The early fish gets hooked for th« same thing the early bird gets credit for ▲
A sweater is a good investment for i girl: She gets out of it what she puts intc it, and draws considerable interest.
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Soil — that from which farmers and laundries make a living.
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Note to insurance men, traffic experts, and motorists: Since women have been wearing plunging necklines there have been 35 per cent fewer auto accidents. Why not prevent such accidents entirely? ▲
You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you.
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Democracy is a system under which a fellow who didn't vote can spend the rest of the year kicking about the candidates the other fellows elected.
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A lot of people believe in law and order as long as they can lav down the law and give the orders.
Nowadays taxes.
the earth revolves on its
Harp — a piano in the nude.
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Federal aid — a system of making money taken from the people look like a gilt when it's handed back.
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An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.
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Test of patience: When you dutifully call on some old acquaintances and observe three of your long-lost books snug on their shelves.
Profit is only the by-product of work. Happiness is the chief product.
A gossip is a person who suffers from acute indiscretion.