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the points." Points turned out to be half the price of compression, but twice as often. I suppose Sam calls his Florida Place "Point Comfort."
After the Buick I traded my in' heritance and my pottage for a $975 vehicle. About the time the engine block cracked, my banker, Wormley, dropped in to tell me my loan would be called unless I put up more collateral. "You have my right eye now," I said. "You still have your left," said Wormley, polishing his gold-handled cane with the palm of his glove. I got to my feet, took a few tentative steps in the direction of Wormley, and found I could walk. "I can wal\," I said wildly. "You no longer interest me," said Wormley frigidly, and he waved to his man to carry him to his car.
All that was some time ago. But I am still on my feet, I am happy to say, and in spite of your blandishments I am going to stay there.
Gentlemen, the automobile made a fool out of me. I got so I called people bad names — not just pedestrians and policemen, but my own little children, when all they wanted to do, in the middle of Sunday afternoon traffic, was go to the bathroom. I got into two wrecks mastering the overdrive in the city and two more using fingertip touch control in the country. I got into another one trying to wear a hat.
I have taken note of the "integrated" fender. You nick a fender and you buy a body. And now, they tell me, you're taking the clutch out. So all right, you take out the clutch and the left foot joins the tonsils, the adenoids, and the appendix as evolutionary vestiges. But, like them, it hangs
Siviny December, 1930
on, with nothing to do. It gets nervous. It starts beating time to the music " coming out of the dashboard radio. Then the right foot absentmindedly joins the left, and the road is strewn with flaming wreckage.
I have been thumb-and-forefingering through the four-color advertisements for your newest models. I see ■« them now for what they are. That beautiful woman leaning on the front fender (it is a fender, isn't it?) of the new Nash Airflyte — what will she look like ten years from now? What will she look like now, if the brake slips? That couple getting out of the new Lincoln Cosmopolitan in front of the big red brick house with white pillars— where did she get the ermine throw? Why have they been invited to the boss's house for dinner? I had a car, and the boss never invited me to dinner. Not only that, but when I told him I had to have a raise, he said, and his voice was like ice, "You manage to keep up a car on your present salary, I see." Ermine throw, indeed.
My brother has one of your automobiles. He told me it costs a man $1000 a year to drive a car. He had it down in black and white — not just depreciation, but wear and tear apart from depreciation; not just wear and tear, but repairs apart from wear and tear. He told me about things I had never heard of, things you never ad , vertise in four colors, such as the interest on the purchase price, compounded.
I asked him how long it took him to figure this all out. He said he did it in three or four hours one Saturday while driving around looking for a place to park. I asked him how much^.