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They're Fast In Arkansas
BEFORE the war my youngest brother lived in the hills of Arkansas. One night as he and a chum were leaving a candy-breaking, they decided to escort a pair of country lasses home. But upon learning that the girls had come "afoot" and lived across the mountain six miles, the ardor of the youthful swains began to cool.
In a quick two-man conference, they decided to have the girls wait by the yard gate, while they went back to the ash-hopper, presumably to get their mules. The girls waited, the boys rode home and promptly forgot the incident.
Then came Pearl Harbor . . . Guadalcanal . . . hospitalization . . . home . . . recovery . . . the German occupation . . . home again.
Six years from the night of the candy-breaking my brother went back to visit his mountain friends, and they gave a dance in his honor. During the merrymaking a young hill woman with a child in one arm and a toddler hanging to the other hand made her way through the crowd to where he was standing. She looked at him quietly for a long moment, and then in a wistful voice she said, "I do declare, it took you longer to git a mule than ary feller I ever seen." — Charles Carson.
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"Have a good night?" the hostess asked sweetly of the house guest who had slept on a couch.
"Fairly good," he answered sleepily. "I got up from time to time and rested."
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"Just what have you done for humanity," asked the judRC before pronouncing sentence on the pick-pocket.
"Well," said the confirmed criminal, "I've kept three or four detectives working regularly."
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"How did your wife get on with her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She disappeared completely last week."
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A woman returned a pair of shoes to an exclusive shop.
"I'm sorry," she said, "but these shoes aren't what I need. I can't walk in them."
"Madam," commented the snooty clerk, "people who have to walk don't shop here."
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After the new minister had been in town a month, he asked a woman church member what she thought of his sermons.
"Wonderful," she gushed. "You know, until you came, we didn't even know the meaning of sin here."
Of course, there's nothing new under the sun. 'Tis under the moon where the young fellow thinks he's found something new.
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"2000 Plus"
The script of this popular network program as actually broadcast over the Mutual Broadcasting System.