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A country storekeeper who could not write had his own methods of keeping his accounts.
"Say, Jed," he said one day to a cus' tomer, "don't forget you owe me for that cheese you got a couple of months ago."
"I never bought a cheese from you," replied the customer. "It must have been some other fellow."
"Wait a minute," replied the store' keeper, "FU take a look at the book. That's right, Jed, you don't owe me for a cheese. It was a grindstone you got. I didn't see the dot I put in the middle of the picture."
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"Is there any legend about that mountain?" asked the tourist of a native.
"Yep," was the reply. "Two lovers once went up the mountain and never came back again."
"Is that so? And what happened to them?" the tourist inquired breathlessly.
"Went down t'other side."
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Malicious Mrs. Brown said to her neigh' bor: "I'm surprised to see as 'ow you 'as an odd stocking on."
"I can't quite understand your surprise, dear," replied the woman, "but it quite often 'appens to ladies wot 'as more than one pair."
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Wife: "I cannot understand, John, why you always sit on the piano stool when we have company. Everyone knows you cannot play a note."
Husband: "I'm well aware of it, dear. Neither can anybody else when I am sitting there." — Li/e & Casualty 'Mirror.
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A bank last summer had a $200 check drawn on it signed "Santa Claus." The bank refused to pay it but the bank's spokesman assured reporters that they didn't want to be put on the record saying there isn't any Santa Claus. "Just say," he begged, "that Santa Claus has no account in our bank."
Stalin's aides urged him to ban an Amer' ican film, saying although it was supposed to show average life in America, it actually showed how our millionaires live and thus was a propaganda film. I
Stalin agreed, asking, "What's the title of the film?" i
Replied his aides: "Tobacco Road."
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The young man waited impatiently for the lady to finish with the drugstore telephone directory. After she had turned page after page he said, "Madam, can I help you find the number you want?"
"Oh, I don't want a number," she re-" phed, "I'm looking for a pretty name for my baby."
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A little tired of their daily budget battles, the wife glared at her penny-pinching husband.
Wearily she asked, "Did you by any i chance understand me to say, 'Love, honor and no pay?' "
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"Friends," said the speaker, "I know I've been a little lengthy here tonight, but I feel justified in so doing because I am speaking for the benefit of posterity . . ."
"Yeah," yelled a heckler, "and if you don't hurry, they'll hear you."
— FilchocH
"I just wanted to lee if yoor father would notice."