Swing (Feb-Dec 1951)

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460 October, 1931 A man on vacation had been told that he would find some good hunting on the lower end of the creek. Gun in hand, he wandered for miles without getting a shot, and was on his way back in the late afternoon when he met a small boy. "Is there anything to shoot around here?" he asked the lad. The boy thoughtfully shook his head. Then his face brightened and he exclaimed: "Here comes the principal of my school." ▲ The candidate for the office of sheriff was defeated ignominiously. He received 5? votes out of a total of J, 500. The next day he walked down Main Street with two guns hanging from his belt. "See here," a fellow citisen told him, "you weren't elected sheriff, and you have no right to carry guns." "Listen," he replied, "a man with no more friends than I've got needs to carry guns." ▲ Two doctors were talking in a restau' rant. A black market speculator was at the next table. "I've got several cases of hysteria," said one doctor to the other. The black market operator leaned over and said in a whisper, "Name your price, mister, I'll take the lot." In Boston there is an irascible old gentleman whose great wealth is exceeded only by his relentless stinginess. With illconcealed impatience an improvident nephew waits for his demise, hoping to inherit his uncle's estate. "Pete," a friend recently remarked to the venerable miser, " I hear your nephew is going to be married soon. Don't you think you should do something to make the poor boy happy on that momentous occasion?" "You really think I should?" the old man exclaimed. "Most assuredly," his friend replied. "O. K." the rich uncle agreed. "On his wedding day I'll pretend I'm dangerously ill." "You were right about not interrupting mommy. Did you learn the hard way, too?" Centerpiece WING'S center pages feature beauteous Ava Gardner, Metro-GoldwynMayer screen star, recently noted by Time to be the "IT" girl of this generation. She is expected to take the place of the late Jean Harlow, and has a "mysterious attraction that everybody recognizes but no one has been able to label more accurately than glamour, or oomph, or IT." Miss Gardner's current starring role is in M-G-M's "Show Boat."