Swing (Feb-Dec 1951)

^90 Swin^ tiny — if that's not too sweeping a word — for several generations, accords her a reverence which I found damned irritating. The confounded show even opens with a shot of waves breaking on our rock-encrusted shores, pans next to a shot of the American flag, concentrates briefly on the star-studded section of the flag and dwells finally on a single star — symbolizing, as I gather it, Miss Smith, America, motherhood, and the National Broadcasting Company. "God bless everybody in no trump," I murmured as this majestic opening faded and Miss Smith herself hove into view to sing "Vampin' Till You're Ready." It's a rather odd selection to follow such a patriotic introduction — I half expected her to sing the Constitution in C sharp minor — and Miss Smith didn't improve matters much by jiggling like a kootch dancer and snapping her fingers. If Miss Kate wants to be an American institution, she ought to model herself a little more closely on the behavior of other American institutions like, say, the stone lions at the steps of the New York Public Library. The rest of the show is a mish-mash. Olsen and Johnson, another American institution, came aboard to deliver that sketch wherein they are in a hotel room, just trying to get a little sleep, and everybody including an NBC guided tour conspires to get in the way. I first saw Olsen and Johnson do this bit in Milwaukee in — let's see now — about 1932 and I must admit they've rounded it, improved it and polished it a lot since then. It may be the most popular sketch on television, having pretty well done the rounds of all the shows. A classic, in short, which ought to be ready in another year or so for the Library of Congress. This is a real classic show. Three guys and two dolls followed with a song number in which they bounded about without dropping a note, an impressive but exhausting mixture of athletics and vocalism. Miss Smith reappared to sing "Longing." This led into a big dance number in which several thousand yards of crinoline were unfurled. From time to time, Mr. Collins, dinner-jacketed and acting a little like the curator of the American wing at the Metropolitan, December, 1931 showed up to talk about Miss Smith. There was a brief, muddy dramatic sketch, ' starring Sylvia Sydney and Sidney Blackmer, which proved that crime doesn't pay. It was acted in almost total darkness without scenery. None of this was very bad but nothing was very good either. In any case, it didn't add up to anything that resembled a television show and I can't figure out what Miss Smith is doing there. They're trying, I speculated, to make a female Arthur Godfrey out of her. But is there any great need for a female Arthur Godfrey, or for that matter, a male Arthur Godfrey? I just don't understand the thought processes that led to the construction of this show and I'm afraid I never will. More About Kate . . . TN our house we use the TV set like a hearth, a place to keep warm on cold fall afternoons. Well, I was dozing in front of this contemporary fireplace, warming my feet on Kate Smith, one afternoon, when I woke up to find myself in ] the middle of a fashion show. A bunch of s models in beachware parading back and i forth. Miss Smith's guest, a fashion ex' t pert, was saying: "In the privacy of your |i own pool or patio the outer garments j '< may be removed." i * I fell right back asleep again and ; dreamed about Miss Kate's millions of devoted women listeners all over the country divesting themselves of their outer garments in the privacy of their own pools or patios. There must be two or three babes around who don't own a pool or even a patio and they're stuck with that outer garment till the right millionaire comes along. After all, television is for the masses, not for the unprivileged few who haven't got patios. More Everything Than Ever ' I 'HERE'S a nasty little rumor running Iq,, •*■ around, conceivably hatched and nur* tured in Hollywood, that movies are better than ever which, when you examine it, is jg ] one of the dimmest compliments the movie people ever paid themselves. Anyhow, in ^ an attempt to shoot down this canard be'