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It's A LoUapalooza!
POKER players have a language all their own. Such poker slang, however, is not to be confused with some of the more serious, but far more rare, terms of the game as applied in certain locales. These terms are for special hands recognized in various parts of the country, but which are illegitimate as far as Hoyle and the majority of poker players are concerned. Since Hoyle does not list such added hands, the rules of the house or host where the game is played must be taken as the final authority.
One inveterate poker player found the meaning of such a rule to his everlasting chagrin. The clubman, visiting in the South, sat down for a game in the back room of a neighborhood saloon.
The game progressed for several hands without incident, with poor hands and little betting. Then, with an exceptionally large pot at stake in which the visitor, holding a straight flush, had deposited much coin, the lightning struck. Called, the clubman spread out his straight flush and began to rake in the chips. "Hold on," barked the caller, "that's my pot." He displayed a sequence of 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 which he called a "LoUapolooia." The visitor objected until his attention was directed to a sign on the wall of the room. It read:
L0LLAPAL002A — 2'4'6'8-10 — BEATS ANYTHING The poker player gave up the hand but kept it in mind. Much later he drew the LoUapalooza sequence and, as fortune would have it, the man who had previously beaten his straight flush was the final man in the pot with him. Raised and re-raised he finally called. The townsman laid down a full house. Then the visitor triumphantly exhibited his LoUapalooza and started to rake in the chips. Again he was stopped.
"Friend," his opponent said, "I guess you didn't read that sign very carefully."
The clubman examined the sign more carefully and learned something else about house rules and odd poker hands. Beneath the huge bold letters of the sign was a smaller line of very fine type:
(Only one a night)
— J^mes L. Harte
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The Average Man
HE secretly feels quite different from everyone else — that's why he's an average man . . . When he's young, the height of his ambition is often five feet two or so, but very blonde . . . He thinks scientists really eager to help mankind would perfect a painless way of getting up early . . . For he gets up to go to work after being awakened by an alarm clock on which he paid a "luxury" tax . . . He may have just $2 in his pockets, but he can still tell you just how to beat the stock market . . . He's so human — hollers so loudly about things that annoy him, and keeps so quiet about those that please him . . . He will readily admit he's not handsome, yet his head swells when he's told his son looks just like him . . . He'd never be in an accident if he always drove as he does when passing a police station . . . He immediately loses control of his car when his boy gets a driver's license . . . The three hardest words for him to say are: "I was wrong" . . . But all in all, he's a good fellow, on the average.
— Ro5coe A. Poland