Swing (Jan-Dec 1953)

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THE CREAM OF CROSBY 201 Joy Scouts, Television Neck and Perfumed Ink NATIONAL Smile Week, it says right here in a press release, begins Monday. Well. Well. How time flies! It seems like only yesterday that it was National Smile Week and here it's rolled around again. No speeches, no parades this year, says the National Smile Week Committee. Just Joy Scouts, going around spreading sunshine. "And who are the Joy Scouts? Well, a Joy Scout is anybody who smiles and helps others to smile." Everyone straight on that? Well, I'm all for National Smile Week, provided it be counterbalanced by a National Non-Smile Week, this latter for pitchmen and pitchwomen only. Just one week a year, it seems to me, those pretty young ladies who demonstrate the green-glo shampoo, the spray deodorant, the easy-spin washing machine, the men who talk with such gusto about toothpaste and cigarettes and embraceable wristwatches, ought to unpin those smiles — -if only to get the creases out of their faces. Just one week a year they ought to try snarling at the toothpaste instead of regarding it with such unstinted adoration. It would restore their sense of proportion and I think we'd all feel better. Speaking of upper case Weeks which are weeks dedicated to higher purposes like smiling, you'll all be happy to learn that Wife Week slipped by unnoticed. During Wife Week, husbands and children were urged to take over the housewifely duties of cleaning, washing, cooking and homemaking, heaven forfend. You can come out from under the bed, men. It's all over. Wife and Smile Weeks are just a couple of the big news stories that have been piling up here, unvented for lack of space. We'll try to get rid of all of them at once. In the realm of invention, a designer named Paul Laszlo has come up with a teevee set suspended on a monorail. It can chase you all over your own house — the living room, bedroom, kitchen and I presume even the bathroom. Kate Smith will be right at your heels every minute, nagging you into buying her particular brand of canned orange "I'm going to the store, dear. Is there anything you want . . . a hairbrush . . . shaving cream . . . vitamins . . ." ▲ juice. Nobody will dare use anything but Lipton's. Arthur Godfrey will be right there staring over your shoulder reproachfully like an electronic conscience. And in the field of medicine, Dr. William Kaufman, an expert on muscoskeletal disorders, has this to say in the "Journal of the American Medical Association" : "Recently I have observed a clinical syndrome in persons who, in watching television programs, maintain strained postures of the head and neck often for prolonged periods. The manifestations of this syndrome, which for want of a better name can be called television neck, include measurable increased limitation in ranges of neck movement and pain or discomfort in the posterior nuchal region." In laymen's language, television neck is caused by staring up at or down at the TV screen or twisting the neck to see it. The remedy: look at it head-on and raise or lower either your chair or the set so that it is at an approximation