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Pigeons Are Your Best Entertainment
Members Of The TV Audience Also Vote For Angels And 'Miss Salami’
There’s an old chestnut that goes, “Everyone has two businesses—his own and show business.” More recently, that’s been amended to “—his own and TV.” The butcher, the baker, the pogo-stick maker all have emphatic morning-after opinions on any given show. And thousands of them volunteer ideas for programs.
People who wouldn’t dream of writing their Congressmen, or even their mothers, seem to feel duty bound to write the networks. Some of their proposals are strange and wonderful.
A lady in Hackensack, for instance, suggested a “Bring "Em In Alive” show. To get on, you nominate your worst enemy. Then, when a gong rings, you and your foe hur! insults.
In one week, a single show, You Asked For It, received the following programming requests:
“Please show us an angel. I hear they can be picked up by radar.”
“How about two passenger trains colliding at 90 miles an hour?”
“TI want to see a person walking on water with no gimmicks on his feet.”
And one man asked the show to furnish “the recipe a cannibal would use in preparing a person for eating.”
An Indian tried to convince one network to produce a “how-to-do-it” show. He was offering—for a fee—the perfect title: “How!”
The public relations director of a sunbathing association suggested to ABC-TV that the association’s national convention should be televised.
One woman has written all the net
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works about televising her conversations with Mark Twain. “It’s not a hoax,” she said. “We discuss cosmic laws.” A man who claimed frequent chats with the late Sigmund Freud said he could produce the Father of Psychoanalysis for a TV show, but only on camera. “We’re not giving anything away free,” he explained. There was also a woman who conversed with pigeons in the park. “Pigeons would make an interesting show,” she asserted. “After all, they keep peeking into people’s windows.”
A recent parent, male, suggested: “Put cameras in maternity hospitals and interview prospective fathers.” A bachelor, it would seem, thought this one up. “What this country needs,” he wrote, “is a good $10 Matrimonial Bureau. The Government could set up a Department of Friendship and a National Matrimonial Week to inspire an epidemic of romance. It could be sponsored on TV.” Person to Person had to decline a request to visit Lassie at home. “Sup