Variety (December 1907)

20 VARIETY - _—. HOW NOT TO WRIT E LYRICS Being an Exposition of Curious Mental Phenomena, as Observed by a Collector of Crippled and Destitute Song Compositions. By IRENE FRANKLIN GREEN. Flease, Mr. and Mrs. Public, bear with the singer of songs in vaudeville. There be times when the humble heart affairs of "Mah Honey Lou," the homely reflec- tions of "Mistah Johnson" and "Mother's Blighted Hopes" arc forced with un- LONEY HASKELL. ••That rascal," LONEY HASKELL, returned to vaudeville this season, after two years' absence, daring which time he toured the country with a big musical comedy, of which he was the auih r snd manager. Mr. HaskeU Is constantly In de- mand In all the leading vaudeville bouses, and Ht present Is presenting his character monologue on the Kohl & Castle and Orpheum Circuits. welcome frequency upon your attention. But consider, these are few of the many, and, believe me, we stand between you and a fate infinitely more tragic. For from the rising of the sun unto the going down thereof all over this FRANK ODELL AND KINLEY ROSE. Ludicrous comedy, skillful acrobatics, novel dancing, splcndily costumed Is the key to the success enjoyed by Odell and Kinley In their original offering "PIERItOT AND PIERRETTE." They are booked solid In this country until June 1, 1908, with the exception of Christmas week, which they will spend at their home f Toledo, O.). ' blessed land of ours, inspired farm hands and talented grocery clerks are turning out original compositions. Picture to yourself what this means, grasp if you can a realization of the total of broken hearts, broken rules of lyric technique and shattered rhetoric that this rep- resents in the aggregate, and from which we alone are your salvation. Believe it or not, an immense amount of this trash filters through the regular channels of the trade to come upon the market as the product of established pub- by the bye), published in Pittsburg by a regular house recognized in the trade and fetchingly entitled "The Wreck of the Flyer; Duquesne." Here it is: The heart of a maiden was beating with pleasure As the day of her wedding drew near. She sang as she placed holly wreaths In the window, "To-morrow my love will be here. The message he sent me brought Joy to my heart, Yet seems to be haunting my brain: 'If I am alive, my dear, I'll arrive On the Limited Flyer, Duquesne.' " _ CHORUS. On the Limited Flyer, Duquesne. Like a dart It speeds over the plain, May the angels above watch over my love On the Limited Flyer, Duquesne. The second verse opens with many bass chords and one knows instinctively thai this is going to be no happy bridal. While tying one wreath with a bow of red ribbon She heard a commotion outside. It seemed all the newsboys were running with papers, And "Awful disaster," they cried. She listened Intently to hear something more, She heard, but the hearing brought pain. One "newsle" ran by and loudly did cry, "The wreck of the Flyer, Duquesne." I always liked the third from the last THE ASTRELLA SISTERS. Singers and dancers, the Sisters, together with Alfred Warner, who likewise dances and sings, are now playing on the United Booking Offices time with conspicuous success. The girls are young, very pretty and half the charm of their performance Is the Ingenuous fun they seem to get out of It. Ushers. In my experience as a public singer, I have been constantly importuned to sing numbers that fractured every known convention of style and taste. Indeed, certain publishers have even ac- cused me of personal enmity because 1 side-stepped the distinction of warbling their works of genius. One of my most prized possessions is my library of musical gems of this sort. Every one is a bona fide publication and in each case was submitted to me with ■ serious request that I make use of it. When I refused it was several times hinted that I was being subsidized by a rival firm to keep down budding talent. Perhaps the pick of the lot is the ballad (they run very much to ballads, line, "She heard, but the hearing brought pain." It is an exquisite touch. Some- how it seems to bring the heroine's soul agony so close to us. Cliorus No. 2 con- tinues: The wreck of the Flyer Duquesne! My God, and my love on that train! Not a moment I'll wait, I must know the fate Of my love on the Flyer, Duquesne. It needs no bass chords now to tell that a tragedy portends. Orim horror looms large as the narrative rushes on to the terrible climax. A special chartered was quickly conveying Her nearer the heart-rending scene, Where death and destruction had wrought awful havoc And corpses were strewn o'er the green. Arrived at the place, her lover she found, Her coming had not been In vain. On a cot he was lying—well-not dead—bnt dying, Near the wreck of the Flyer, Duquesne. GARTELLE BROTHERS. The Gartelle Brothers are the leading expo- nents of "fun on wheels." They put a whole lot of really amusing knockabout iuto their comedy roller-skating act, the blackface member of the team particularly working up a series of comedy falls that would make a graven image laugh. The act is a standard laughing number and various Imitators have placed their stamp of ap- proval upon it. It occurs that one would have to sing the number in Irish dialect to make 'green" and Duquesne rhyme, but that is only an incident. Having now united the lovers, even at a deathbed, the dramatic recital would seem to have reached a satisfactory degree of finality. But no, the lyricist goes on,, to round the tragedy off and tearfully examine the corpse in u final stanza: Nenr the wreck of the Flyer. Duquesne. She was clasped to his bosom again. Rut she ne'»-r was his bride, For her lover there died. Near the wreck of the Flyer. Duquesne, Ah well, poor chap, perhaps it was as well that he died. He might have lived to write sentimental ballads. Here's another bit, unique and interest- ing in its own peculiar way. As befits its melaneholv lav the music is to be played "moderato." The directions say so. ( harlcs A. Meyers wrote the music (Continual on page 05.) Y^%^ (*"<.' KING ROLLINS, of Kollins and Kllfton, World's greatest banjolsts. Mr. Kollins Is the author of the famous "Whlzzer" March, "Grnnd Entree" and the slow drag "The Twlrler," now being played by the leading orchestras and bands everywhere. Kollins and Kllfton are playing dates in the Middle West, having finished their engagement over the Orpheum Circuit.