Variety (December 1907)

VARIETY 37 A REMITTANCE FIEND By HENRY LEE. It i.s not in my province to preach; but no one can journey as I have done and not have learned a lesson or two—seen a thing or two—laughed a time or two— and have been hurt a time or two. The most pitiful thing that has come uuder my observation happened in south- ern California, and I will tell it ; but not with half the pathos which the great master, "Death," told it to me. In Australia—in California—in any country far enough away from England— there are rafts of younger sons, whose mis- sion in life, as far as their family inter* efcts are concerned, is ended. Primogeni- ture— a crime of all crimes—is an accepted fact; and, the moment the elder brother is married, has a child, the younger brother i.: shipped off—as I said far enough —and with a pittance, sent monthly ; but never enough to get home again. They have received a college education— know a little I^atin —a little Greek—and nothing useful in the war of life. That's why they have the nickname of the "re- mittance fiends." They get their little al- lowance, rush to the nearest town, get drunk possibly, or the gambling hells arc accommodating—and starve the balance of the time. Of course they ought to work ; but they haven't been taught how. Their education has consisted of an association with lordlings, and careful instruction in the art of spending money. As I said, it is not in my province to preach ; but I received a sermon in human love—or the lack of it—which I will never forget. When I have an off week—and being a busy man they are few—I naturally take advantage of it. I had one some years ago and I hired a horse, rode out into the wilds north of San Diego, trying to get next to Nature; and I did. I dismounted at a sort of roadhouse. so far from human habitation that it seemed n folly to keep it. They stabled my mare- gave me something to eat—assigned me to a place they called a room (more like a barn it was) ; but I was satisfied; I was nearing Nature. After dinner I sat on a log outside the shanty, smoking and meditating. Then a small man rode up and alighted. That didn't interest me much; but when he came from the house half an hour after- wards I had all the interest I wanted. The small man approached me. "I'm a doctor," he said. "I wouldn't stay here, if I were you. Bad case of typhus up- stairs—young English fellow—no friends and no money. I've done the l>est I could lor him : but he's a goner." "No one to look after himV" I asked. "He won't need looking after much longer/' the doctor replied grimly. "Of course I've told them what to do—until the end. Qood night. Take my advice." And he mounted his broncho and rode away. I went into the house. The landlord was wringing his hands: ".My wife daren't go nigh him, an' I don't want to, an' he's hollerin' for water." "You're not afraid to go and pick me a couple of these orangei outside? Where's his room?" "I won't bring 'em up. I'm clear scart. Typhus is catchin' and I'm a married man." I picked the oranges myself—found a pitcher and some sugar. I also found the room. The house was deserted. "Have you come back, Doctor?" moaned the sick man. "They won't bring me any water." "It isn't the doctor," I said. "Then keep away from me. It's awfully catching." "Don't you think that a doctor is just as liable to catch anything as anyone else?" "Will you please give me some water? I can't get up. I tried, but I fell; and I bad a devil of a job getting back into bed MARK LEA AND JOE OPP Joined lunula several months ago In a Hebrew comedy act. Mr. I^ea was formerly of the team of lloey and Lm, and formed n partnership with Mr. Opp in Chicago. They have been playing In tbe Middle West, meeting with success. Tbe act Is booked up on the Western circuits. again." I gave him that which I had pre- pared in the jug. "That's good. What's your name?" I told him. "Will you 11 AUK Y AND JULIA SEYON Are presenting a comedy by Joe Flynn entitled •"The Marriage Broker." They are meeting with much success this season as one of the olio features with Chas. E. Taylor's "Parisian Belles.'' Frlta N. Huttuuinn. Antoinette I.e Hrun. James Stevens. THE LB BRUN GRAND OPERA TRIO. "The I* Rrun Grand Opera Trio live up to their reputation as the finest singers In vaudeville and scored a tremendous hit."—Toledo "Times," Oct. 28. »07. "The 1-e Brun Grand Opera Trio give a magnificent act. presenting scenes from Grand Opera." —Dayton "Daily News," Oct. 22. '07. A MKRRY CHRISTMAS* TO AM, OUR FRIENDS. write a letter for me—to England—to my mother?" I said, "Yes." "But you'll have to tell a lot of lies in ii. She must never know that I died like tliis like a dog." "She will never know. I shall be going l.o England soon—in less than three weeks. It's a small country* and it will be no trouble for me to see her, and tell her; it will be easier—for her." "Yes, and one can lie so much better than on paper. She mustn't know. Poor mother!" "Your mother won't know." 'Then there was a girl. We were going lo be married some day. Poor girl!" "Poor boy!" "It seems hard to die so young. I had so much to do—some time—but I didn't know how to get at it." "You've atoned for all your faults of omission and commission. Give me the ad- dresses." "They're on the trunk there—in that lit- tle book. Mother gave it to me. It's got our crest in it. A sort of nameplate fool- ish people use to pretend they're better 111:111 somebody else." I transferred the address to my note- book. "And mother won't know I died alone?" "You're not alone." "No; but I'm going away. I can see the water now. I»ok how the sunshine glances on the waves! It isn't such a hard journey after all. Pater noiter qui in caelum est —" I saw his mother and I lied to her. I saw his father and I told him some home truths. I didn't stay to dinner. "The Push Cart" ("It is to Boost"), published by Will Rossiter, the Chicago publisher, is a clever idea in booklet form, gotten up in a catchy style and something to take the fancy of those interested in songs and singers. The first edition is now being distributed, and every agent, manager and thousands of artists will be sent a copy. The book contains bright saying* and pictures of prominent singers.