Variety (December 1907)

■ VARIETY 65 THE MAGNETIC Maida SINGING AND DANCING COMEDIENNE "HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS" P. S.—Would like to hear from reoognized comedian for vaudeville aot next season HOW NOT TO WRITE LYRICS. (Continued from page 20.) and the hectic title page in two colors credits Michael \i. CrDonnell with pen- ning the words. It goes: From out of the part to light of day, From pen and Ink springs in eight to stay, A story told of a woman, false To one she loved, but his love was lost. For wealth had been such a tempting prise To look at thro' two snch eyes As those she gazed with upon that man Before the dance began. CHORUS. Before the dance began that night, Before a mirror stood A woman, handsome to behold, Who sacrificed for gold The truest love that one could hold, The love sho held the dearest, Could she sec the sorrow, before the dance began. A man of wealth, she met by chance, Was to call and take her to the dance; He came, and found her home with that man She was to wed before it began. Although for riches this woman planned, She also promised her hand In niiirrlage to this wealthy young man, Before the dance began. In a small cottage now lives alone, Down near the lake where the night winds moan. An aged lady all bent with care. Who shows some traces of beauty rare, Although it's long since the dance began. Life has brought joy to the man She loved and lost Just for this young man. Before the dance began. The minor issues arc somewhat clouded and confused, but the story points a wholesome moral, suitable for young children as well as ladies and gents. For did not virtue triumph (cf. last stanza "life has brought joy to the man she loved," etc.) ? Did not the false one gel hers? Isn't it always so in our best tin pan lyrics? What do you want? Before reluctantly passing on from this exhibit, I would call attention to the fine word painting descriptive of the house down by the lake (see last verse). This goes with a mournful passage suggestive of damp night winds and a scries of staccato runs that are positively malarial in their suggestion. The Acme Music Pub. Co., of New Jer- sey is sponsor for this: LET MB SEE HIS FACE ONCE MORE. In a grand theatre lobby, Where the lights are burning bright, Stnnds a happy ticket agent. His face beaming with delight; For the throng of eager people Has passed through the open door, As he stands there gladly murmurs, "Evening's toll will soon be o'er." Slowly then a man approaches, Faltering steps and broken pride, "Please excuse, sir, I've no money, But I'd like to pass Inside." "Why sir, 'tis agalnBt the orders, For to-night there does appear One of this world's greatest actors, And you cannot pass in here." CHORUS. "He and I are brothers," the old man did exi'lalm; "I chose the downward path and he the one to fame. We both loved the same dear mother, in happy days of yore. Oh, grant me this one favor, let me see his face once more." A good deal more of the same sort fol- lows through four verses. The text does not give the name of the play or the actor. The only hint as to the identities is conveyed in the fact that the old mafl after gaining a deadhead admission un- gratefully drops dead during the play. Somehow I fail to recognize the original of the doorman, the picture does not correspond to any doorman I know, but the dying episode is circumstantial evi- dence of the strongest sort pointing to a certain actor I might mention, but won't. And hark to this: ONLY A PROMISED BRIDE. One night a young man met his promised bride, Coming from home down to the gate; lie had a message that his mother died. And begged to change their wedding date. "It pains me to depart From you, my own sweetheart, But I'll return," he said, and sailed away. Her heart was broken when she saw her lover start. And these words they heard her say: CHORDS. "I'm only a promised bride, For o'er the ocean wide, My sweetheart sailed away. On our wedding day His poor old mother died. It seems I'm cast aside, I'm only a promised bride." But that's enough of ballads. I could show you a weird line of character and comic numbers, too, only I hate to put a damper on the occasion of Variety's an- niversary. Enough to quote the opening line of "Me and My Fiancee" which goes: I hare a little sweetheart, and she I call my own, The way I chanced to meet her was while away from home. We met by the Atlantic, one beauteous summer day, The occasion was romantic for me and my fiancee. Which is all very well, until later the writer takes poetic license—takes it by the throat in fact and makes "fiancee" rhyme with "happy," which argues un- utterable things for his scholarship. The bump of humor of the author of "The Way She Stops a Car" (comic) must have stood out like the Adam's apple in the throat of a human skeleton. His suggestions for incidental business are screamingly funny. One sample will do: Some will nod politely, others coldly bow. Some will rush out to the tracks, they don't care how, Then raising their dresses half up to their knees, they signal from afar. And this is the sight the motorman sees—and always stops the car. (Note.—Here the singer, If a lady, will raise her skirt as high as her modesty will permit.) VAUDEVILLE VS. MUSICAL COMEDY. (Continued from page 19.) and Fenton, Nat Wills, Bickel and Wat- son, Geo. Marion, Harrigan and Hart, FIvans and Hoey, Monroe and Rice, Jack Slavin, Jim Corbett, Elsie Jan is, Valeska Snratt, May Irwin, Blanche Ring, Lillian Rusaell, Mabel Hite. and Rose Stahl. Now we conic to vaudevillians who have written plays and we find that little genius Geo. M. Cohan. He wrote his own plays, his own music, produces, plays and manages some. There are only two who t<» my mind ever did this—their names are Geo. M. Cohan and Edward Harrigan. Both from vaudeville or variety, if you prefer it. Other vaudevillian authors are Edmund I>.iy. author of "The Round Up," and one w hom the first class theatre goers will hear from, Will If, Cressy. Ten years ago Geo. W. Lederer, Edw. E. Rice, Klaw and Krlanger, J. C. Duff, Fred Halleu and .loe Hart were making barrels of money as musical comedy producers. Not one of them is producing musical comedies to day. On the other hand, Keith, Proctor, Will- iams, llnmmerstein. Kohl & Castle, Meyerfeld, Heck, Chase, Davis and Moore are becoming millionaires through their various vaudeville houses and circuits. Ten years ago you would insult a legiti- mate star were you to offer him a vaude- ville engagement. To-day we find Henry Miller, Arnold Daly, Chas. Hawtrey, Will- iam H. Thompson, Nance O'Neil, Kelcey ami Shannon, Henry E. Dixev and 100 others on the vaudeville pay rolls. If past experience, of mine, will do the ambitious vaudeville artist any good, then I say never go to a first class manager and tell him how good you are. A messenger boy can do the same thing. Do not ask a manager to come down to K. & P.'s and see you "rip them up the back." No manager wants his audience slaughtered. It is a waste of time to call on a man- ager, no matter how great your ability may be, if you are unknown. Elsie Janis, Victor Moore and Valeska Suratt all opened at Hammerstein's —they were reviewed and signed. The same thing may happen to you in the near future— and I hope it will. BURLESQUE DRESSING. (Continued from page 17.) other occasions. With few exceptions, the musicians are always willing to help us out. One "drummer" particularly (a few minutes from Broadway) is the best natured of all. But then all fat people are. The married soubrettes who work in the olio with their husbands must all suffer the Manic fate. I>uring the first part, the male portion of the audience is all en- thusiasm, but after the specialty it is a hard matter to win them back. Now, girls, don't pine and sigh fop vaudeville and Broadway. Be content where you are. Vaudeville, vaudeville, Rah! Rah! Rah? But forty weeks burlesque, Ha$ ! Ha$ ! Ha$ ! CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BUSINESS BRIGADE. Four-fifty, three-fifty, Two-fifty downward, Seldom the biggest show Now gets six hundred. No one^ knows just why. Interest should so quickly die, Hut "bad business" is the cry Wherever you may go Rarely six hundred. Vaudeville to the left of them, Skating rink to the right of them, Nickelodeons in front of them, Still the showman wondered Why folks would not come Ticket seller sucked his thumb Why show biz. was on the bum Why a production quite a gem Couldn't get six hundred. Oh, what a plight was there, Sometimes shy railroad fare, When they get the company share "Agent must have blundered!" Prices may have been too high, Public now is very fly, Salaries are very shy, "His Honor the Mayor" Didn't do six hundred. One night stands are very bad, Outlook ahead is very sad, "Worst season we've ever had" The manager thundered. "Circuits have ruined things, Julius Cahn's at fault by jings," At K. & E. they take their fling, Managers are never glad At less than six hundred. Closed will the houses be. Or moving pictures they will see, Or medicine shows—admission free, r Bhe wise ones wondered! The producer cannot live, Decent Rhows he cannot give, Shows falling down as thru a sieve, While the gross receipts be Less than six hundred. — F /:. Meredith in "The Misaourl Breeze." When answering advertisements kindly mention Vabiett.