Variety (March 1932)

Tuefldaj, March 29^1932 T IM ES SQHARE VARIETY 47 By Jack Oaterman -f — : I HOPE TOU LIKE IT. (i3ly spe- ^jjal permission of the copyright ^wner; Ben Bernle). Bon Voy.«Be A wealthy playboy left iSneland ))y request. To avoid the law his Influential family poured him on the boat. Accordlne to Al Woods. It •was the rouehest voiyage he had ever inade. ' The playboy parked himself at the bar and never left it durlne the entire trip., Meantime the boat gave every evidence that It couldn't take It. Nearing New York he who liked his grog was led to his suite which he had never seen. Due to the terrlflC; storm he fbuhd the mir- rors Tiroken, his articles strewn all over the floor, chairs smashed, etc. Still half tight, he "^rushed to tjie purser crying, 'I'm sorry, and what- ever it costs to fix up the cabin, I'll tilte care ot it!' . Attention I read about tlie medal Preisident Hoover promised to give Vallee for a song that would, off-set the de^: presslon. I haven't the number fln- lahed but its title will bie, 'Prosper- ity is just around the crooner.' Flj^ht On to Clamp Lid On Reno Oaihin^ Spots Reno, March 28. Mayor E. E.' Roberts of Reno, uUra-Uberal,; is preparing to lead the flght aga,inst any a.ttempts to repeal the Nevada gambling laws and close iip the state's great ready money source. Opponents of the wide open spots in Rend are agitating a referendum at the general election next No. vember. Frank Williams, a mem ber of the board of regents at tlie university and a hard-rock miner from Southern Nevada by Vocation, will direct the anti>gambllng cru- sade. He is being aided by d.. L. Noble,, member of the state legisla- ture from Fallon, a dmall town 60 miles from Reno. He and Williams contend tliat Instead of piling up dough for Nevada^ the gambling racket is costing the state money and only half a dozen gamblers arc reaping any benefit. In reply to Williams Mayor Rob erts retorted with, the assertion that it is better to gamble in the open with the police looking on than to have gyp. gambling joints operating under a graft system that corrupts everyone including city officials. . A Coward Speaks Noel bo ward wras invited to, a dinner party and was seated next to Lady^i Diana Manners whom he had just met. During the evening she looked at him and said, 'To'ur name's familiar. .Let mo see. Cow- ard. . Oh, yes. "Private Lives," not so fiinny.' Noel looked, at her and replied, 'Manners. Manners? Oh, the virgin in "The Miracle,'' very, very funny!' ; A Novelty Oh St. Patrick's Day George S. Kaufman had an engagement some- where on Madison avenue. Upon reaching Fifth avenue, and being Jn a hurry, he decided to join the march for seven blocks and then . cut east. His semi-Durahte profile caused euch a sensation, he says the board of directors have made him .aii offer to parade next season. Paleeze'! .. ' Jay Breniian was telling about a terrific fight his ex-partner, Stanley (female Impersonator) Rogers got Into one night. Hid lip was badly cut and Jay begged to be excused. 1 can't bear to see them sew you up,* jay said. To which Rogers murmured, 'Sew? They'll have to embroider me.' So This Is Hollywood Mary Pickford, in addressing in- mates on Welfare Island, stated that the life of a film star is very quiet. That Hollywood .routine consists of watching previews and then back home to dance a while to the playing of the phonograph. What, no radio? The Caesar Irving Caesar wis asked the oth- er day why he~ had stopped panning legit producers. 'Id rather be work- ing than right,' he answered. Ea&ter Gift Jack Tellen presented Mrs. Bing .Crosby .with a great Dane. Croon-, er was not overjoyed in having the big dog In his apartment until one night, when he ic.ame hoiiie, instead of the hound barking, it greeted Blng with H boo—boo—booboo— booboo! . Fair Enough .■ They could just as well advoril.sc, 'Ask the Man Who Owes on-Ono.' ToMflh Break Jay c. Flippen was worried about kefeping his money in a bank.. Jack Haley suggested that he .should take it out and hide it in lils hair. ■Jay followed his advice and now he <'an't tlnd the .dough. Osterman.ia ■Asked Harry Richman if ])s wore drcseing with Holtz. He answered, ^o, but I hear everything he says.' • ...The (Wally) Sullivan Jaw opens to say that guys are now trying '0 fret .in on bail... .Tm suing Ii; Rose for that gag last week.... Found out that those large lipped Ubahgi fellows are dl.sappointed Chevalier imitators Someone RENO'S $100 CUT-RATE LAWYERS PUT ON PAN Reno, March 28. Two Reno attorneys, names not pfllcially revealed; were put* on tiie pan by the Nevada State Bar As- sociation and after being severely razzed Were told to take, a six months' vacation and repent.. The two men mimeographed a flock of letters which they sent all over the country .announcing that they were prejpared, willing and anxious to get divorcies for clients at $100. per. shot. The letters rebounded from East- ern law films into the offices of the other Reno attorneys with sarcastic remarks. All of which caused the other lawyers, who were asking $250 and upward but taking anythingr they could get, to see red and . demand redress asserting that the ethics of the profession were being violated by the two brothers in the faith. On promise that the suspension sentence would be reduced to three months the two lawyers agreed to write another fiock of letters with- drawing the $100 offer and explain- ing that it was all a joke. Joe Cunninsrham, Ribber, Next on Spot at Friars Next event of the Saturday Nite Boys will be held in the grill of the Friars April 9 at midnight. Guest of honor will be Joe Cunningham, billed as the 'ribber. of ribbers.' Cunningham is that Philly rival of Bugs Baer, though they claim to be pals. . Jack Benny will be m.c. Com- mittee running the blast Is Jay C. Flippen, Sid Piermont and jules Howard. DAIIl-IRT SETTXE Fred Dale has settled with the I. iR. T., New York subway system. Cor .$200, in his suit for damages. bale was injured: when caiight in one o£ tlie subway doors. Lucille La Verne Sues Los Angeles, March 28. Lucille LaVerne is asking $20,000 damages from Luicy E. Jeweti for being, jostled out of condition for pbrforniing in an automobile smash Iclst month.. Miss La,Verne says she suffered concussion, Severe shock and many bruises when the car in which she was riding was forced against a pole by the Jewett sedart. ifer physical clamage is figured "at $10,- 000, lier professional damage $8,000 a:nd her mediral expenses at $2,000. took my; overcoat , in one of those ClUic'k patf.rip.s; they should adver- tise,. 'All Tou Can Ea.st and Wear for 60 cents,. . .i And r<>mem;b»;r, that. on iSi'oadway you're just as popular as yp\u' last good noti'.-o .,,.Are you feailing?. Slant on Salesmen Amherst, Mass., March 2i. A woman speaker at State College here gave a new slant to the old gag about the travelling salesman. . She advised that good. .look« ing salesmen not be sent into rural homes to sell^homeniak- ers small equlpmehtt which finds Us way .to attic or base- ment Within a .few weeks. .. ers On Hiedr Own at Toronto, March 26. Approximately 500 war time pilots and observers of all nations are expected to gather here April 2 for a reunion that is unique in aviation history Iri that no attempt has hitherto been made for such a gathering of friend and former foe. Only stipulation is that flyers must have obtained their wings prior. to the Armistice.. Flyers will have the top floor of a .hotel and the roof garden to them selves, these quarters to be segre gated. Thei'e w^lll be no speeches and politicians are out. Not even the Dominion's premier or the mayor o/ the city will be invited. Gatlierlng is tsmply an attempt to recapture that spirit of cameraderle that existed in all flying units ? Ir- respective of nationality; Any activity that might lead to racial feeling is being soft, pedaled- This is really the reason for the edict of 'ho speeches' and the ab sence of flags in the banquet hall. The only toast of the evening will be to 'Fallen. Comrades.' f'lyers on the locaj reception com mlttee are not looking for publicity and ex-flyers, now newspapermen, are tortured between loyalty to the fiylng tradition and their natural instinct to shoot the etory. Mess president at the banquet will be Capt. A. Roy Brown, Toronto fiyer. Those attending will wear their uniformsr-if they can get into them.. GLASONS IN COURT Wife Asks Separate Maintenance Charging Cruelty Chicago, ^arch 28, Charging extreme cruelty, Helen Glason hais filed suit for sepairate maintenance here against Billy Glason, the comedian. They were married In November, 1923, and split Oct. 18, last, Mrs. GlasOn was previously married to another come- dian, William Dooley, of Dooley and Story. Besides the separation, Mrs. Gla- son is seeking an injunction to re- strain her husband from removing her gems from a safety deposit box. They have &■ six-year-old: daughter. $1,250 in Fiddles Three Rhythm Girls have, pre- sented a claim against Warners' Gauae, New London, Conn.; for the two violins which they claim were broken, due to negligence on the part of a stage: hand; The fiddles are valued at $750 and $500; -Harold AI. Goldblatt has been re- tained, by the girls. They allege the . accident.'occtjrred March 12, while they were playing the the- atre. CBEEFLESS ^XTEEE Topcka, March 28. All dance floors In and around Topeka were locked Holy Week. All are under the managenneht of the Kansas-Oklahoma Amusement Co. . Charles Sternberg of .the company did the closing .on his own and took advertising 'space to Inform th.e public. Eumait Fly Killed . Mexico City, .March 28. Mexico's youngest hwm&n fly, Arnulfo R. Rugerio, 16,' was In- stanUJ' killed in a fall from the fifth story . of the building of a local newspaper. His death was wit- nossed by several hundred people. He was performing for 25 pesos <fl<>) donated by the crowd. Diary of a Stooge By Claude Binyon Minneapolis—Saturday. We just played our lasjt shOw in Minneapolis and we start .acting in St. Paul tomorrow. I feel like quit- ting and going home. Being a stooge Is no better than working In a gro- cery .store. I slept on the floor last night bei- cause Scaramouciie looked at me likie he would like, to try knocking my eyebrow off again like he did. the night before last when he found me liecking Quantrelli. 1 ache all over and I didn't get any letters from home today. Quantrelli hasn't said nothing to me lately arid Helen of the Yellow Heads bond has steeired away from me since she lieard about the flglvt. Even ia string of miy banjo Is busted. St. Paul—Sunday. My eyebrow feels lots better now and I feer pretty good myself. 1 started feeling good when Moe Bow-, ery paid me off because ! am getting. $40 a week! I bet I am the highest paid stooge in the world. Quantrelli and I!-took a little walk between shows this afternoon and she told. me. she'had beeii stay- ing away from nie tlie-last few. days bin account of how she didn't want to make Scaramouche mad again. 'I don't care if he gets, m?id,' I said to her. 'I will tear him tb pieces If he gets fresh again.- Til tell him that,' Quanti-elll said, 'and then maybe he will quit both- ering us.' I dldh!t say ianything but I wish I had kept my mouth shut all along, The least I can do Is wait until my eyebrow grows back on before. I kill Scaramouche. 'iuantrelli does something to me when I am with her. The minute I see her I think of necking. When I was home and going' arouiid with Tillle I would think of her cooking first and then necking. iSt. Paul—Monday. We were a sensation today .con- sidering It Is Monday and not mia,ny people. But I am kind of worried because, when we were doing our fight stuff Scaramouche whispered that Quantrelli told him I would kUl him and then he laughed real crazy, He went for the plaster on my eye- brow and I had to hold it all the time again. • It Is almost midnight and I have ju:t come from Quantrelll's room The house detective Is a pain In the neck. Quantrelli Is a wonderful girl and Scaramouche is out playing, pool. I got a letter today froni Tillle and one from Mom. Tillle is begin- ning to seem kind of i I Ice a small town girl in her letter's and maybe it is because I a,m a stooge getting $40 a week now. I'll still marry her, though, be- cause I promised. . . St. Paul—Tuesday. Scaramouche is in jail and I don't care! It is all his fault. _ At our last show tonight the peo- ple clapped and laughed so hard I felt swell, and before I knew it I was out walking with Quantrelli again. She kissed me when w^ were In the alley behind tjie theatre, and I almost .skipped along with her. Quantrelli asked me if I knew where there was a park In St. Paul, and I said I didn't, but we would walk till we found one. I put my arm around her and everything was great. The Eternal Triangle We hadn't walked two blticks when someone gave.- me a shove from behind and I looked around and ' It was Scaramouche. He looked terrible with his hair stand- ing up and a street lamp shining in his awful eyes.. 'Get away, Scaramouche!' I yelled, but he didn't get away. 'Kill him!• .Quantrelli yelled . at me. ; Before I could sock hlrh Scara- mouche jumped on me and grabbed me around my neck. I screamed as hard as I could a,nd Quantrelli screamed, too.. Then, .1 couldn't scream no more on account of Scar- amouche.choking me, biit Quantrelli kiept on yelling. My eyes wei-c pop- ping out and I couldn't breathe. Scaramouche kept right On choking. Then all at once a policeman came ninnlng and g^abbed^ Scaramouche and:pulled him off me but Scara- mouohe jumped, rlKlit back on me so the policeman hit him, on the head; witli ' a club. Scai-amouchc didn't: jump any morc; The polJcpman took, u.s jlU |o the police station, . dragging Scara- mouche part of the way at first. At the police station a man at the desk asked me what happened and I told him. Then he a.sked me it I wanted to prefer charges aKairist Scara- mouche and I Kaid I didn't know, I (iidn't rpally know what he meant. He said I should an-swer him yes or no, and I didn't want to cau.se any, trouble so I said yes. ' . They made me sign a paper iand then they dragfjed Scarnmou<;ho away. I asked what they were go- ing to do with him and the police- men, said they were going to put him In a cell and I should come around tomorrow morning. • : Quantrelli and r left the station and I felt scaredj'wondering what, Moe Bowery ' w^ould do when he' found out I had the other stooge put in jail. Quantrelli said not to worry because Scaramouche de- served it and Moei wpuld iinderr stand. But I kept right on i worry- ing. When we got back to the hotel! Quantrelli said maybe we should Bit. In her room and talk a little but I said I didn't feel like it. She acted kind of mad when I said that but I went right to my. room and kept on worrying.. . I am still worrying. Am I worry- ing! ■ ■ . ■. . WILD CAB RIDE LANDS SPINSTER IN BABE WARD Los Angeles, March 28. She Is a quite plump little splnsteir and works/for the county charities departnient.' One of her.: cases .was .' an expectant mother and the wel- fare, wpi-ker had arranged for the details .at a maternity hospital, , telling the unfortunate family, to phone her when the event was im- minent. • '■■ , One evening the phone in her apartment rang and she 'was in- formed that the about-to-be mother had been rushed, to the hospital and for. her to come Immediately.' She rushed dowhs|talrs and out to the nearest cab stand. 'Quick,' she panted, 'to the Blank Maternity hospital.' . No Chances . The driver took one look at h?iS rotund figure and said: -"Nothin* ■ doln' lady; I had a case like that last year and wouldn't touch eui- other for anything.' So she ran a couple of blocks !tb the next taxi stand and repeat.3d her request. The driver took one look at the woman and got ready for what he thought was a race with the stork. Tearing across town at 60 an hour, he was overtaken by a speed cop, who, upon teaming the circumstances, prieceded the cab, siren blowing, at even faster rate. The poor little spinster inside be- came fearful and began rapping on' the front window. This the driver . took as a signal for more speed. When the speedometer kept climb- ing, the lady went into a faint. She caihe to on an operating table as the nurses were wheeling her into the delivery , room. Beriiic« Paige Backed Into, ring BVay, Sues Bernlce Paige, vaude actress In 'Hollywood Star Devils,' is suing Elizabeth B. Chalmers, claiming serious injuries as a result of Miss Chalmers' car backing up Into the actress while the latter was cross- ing Broadway at 48th street. Actress, through her counsel, Ir- vln Sclicrr, alleges she was forced to leave the act because of injuries .and that she stll^ is unable to work. Check Cop Salesmen York, Pa., March 28. IThis city's new mayor, Harry B. Anstlhe, is going to restrict sollcita,- tion for the annual policemen's balL No cop in uniform is to be permit- ted to sell tickets. . If he wants to sell tickets he must not do it while he is. In uni- form, nor In the hours when he is on duty. Also, n;icrchants and busi- nessmen are to be free this year of solicitation for free prizes. Mercliants have to struggle to meet their payrolls and taxes. IJnVi forina of the cops are not to be used to lower the sales resistance of hibtoristg. , GIVENS GizrS GATE Denver, Marqh 2S. ■Mrs. Margaret Darrow Giyens, Denver, dancer and musician, won interlocutory divorce from Wesley Olveng, former stage manager at Elitch theatre here, on ground of non-.support. .She was given the right to use. her maiden name. Glvens was di- vorced In 1923 by Dorothy Williams Glverts, actress.