Variety (January 1951)

Wednesday, Janua^ 3, 1951 Forty^fifth t^^IETY Anniversary PI6TURKS It Isn't the Old Joke That's Netessarily Best By CLARENCE BROWN Hpljywood. Old jokes, like old friends, old books, and old whiskey, are supposed to be the best. As an ample of this is n e c e s s ily true, isider the of a hypothetie a 1 exhibitor hpw not a r concase wouldn’t get laughs today. They lived a cycle and died. These gags were based on a number of premises about Small Boys, exr I They Included the idea that all kids love to play hookey from school and go fishing. It was an old gag when Mark Twain got in on it and it lasted for another half a century or better, but that “basic” no longer exists. Thf idea of kids playing hookey from school who was , play S doesn’t strike people today as being ing a bum pic: funny, and besides, even if they full of ..did stay out of school, everyone very old . would assume that they’d spend Business 'their time seeing a Hopalong Casso bad sidy movie instead of fishing, when he . Another “basic” was the idea two very,, that all young boys, sooner Or later tried smoking a cigar out back of the barn and that it makes them deathly ill. Another idea Was that small boys, always eat too many green apples and become ill. An.L 1 other was that small boys always t riend. 1 uriied out she was now uip the pigtails of the girl who ture very C’laieiice brown was that into happened to fun vei‘\ old friends from his old outm in the Marines they all procceded to get full of very, very old whiskey. And he wound up getting his nose punched when he decided to Call On an bid girl By JACK BRYSON (Director of the Legislative Department, Motion Pictur': Assn, of America f Washington. Ten state legislatures met in regular session and 13 in special sessibn during 1950. In no instance was any law passed which might be injurious to riiotjon pictures although .several bills were introducedi Here, in sumrnary, is what happened to’ legislation, affecting the industry: Censorship bills were offered in Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi and Massachusetts, all of which were defeated. Holly Vvood. Before legends encrust the saga viewing, the noted screen writer, Rutherford Muinm, “Martin,” Ed of Eager Eddie entirely, I think j die crowed jubilantly, “rve just it would be well for me to relate 1 come from a long session With this sober and truthful chronicle Rutherford Munim. I think Tve of a . Young captured the secret of really fine Writer’s Rise writing. I believe in following in in Hollywood. I met Eddie soon after he the footsteps of these Creative people. You knOw, Mumm believes in letting his spirit soak all day. arrived on the [ That’s exactly his phrase, soak all G 0 a s t from I day. Perfect relaxation. / Then^ — Texas: a tall, ! the man’s a genius, 1 ’:eli you— thin outiander I at six o’clock; six O’clock, mind with a shock 1 you, when other people are first of straw r yel; coming home from work, all fagged low h a i r , j out, he sits dOwm at his desk to W'ashed b l u e write, fresh as a daisy!” eyes and thick j Eddie’s vOice lowered impor black rimmed [antly. writer, Eddie quickly learned that ! Martin, notice what time it is. Martin Field married — he had gotten her name and address out of a yery, very old book; a little black one he used to keep hot numbers in. Notwithstanding the evidence that .some jokes written, by Joe Miller are still making the rounds, nevertheless gag types do have life cycles and a high mortality rate. AVe’ve all heard the lobby ana sits in front of them in inkwells, and that bo5'^s always carfy snakes and frog.s in their pockets, and so 'on. ; Grie of the great, rock-bottom j joke assumptions of our time has , been the basis of an Utterly amazI ing fountain of gags. One popular ! cartoonist has been making a comfortable living for years . simply lysis, theatrical equivalent of foot! drawing different Versions of this ball’s Monday Morning Quarter ■ joke: the idea that all perfumes backs, stand around after the show 1 have erotic and sinful sounding breaking down the . cOmedj'^ and 'names, and that perfumes are cacei'ully cataloguing each laugh as made; sold, and used exclusively a refurbished version of an ancient as aphrodisiacs, j^ke. j One well-known national w^eekly The fact is that, apart from the magazine has not gone to press basic skeleton of how the gag is j in 14 years now without a cartoon pre.scnted, certain things are funny illustrating this perfume creed, to filmgoers and to the public j yet the day will surely come generally only during certain pe ; when the idea that perfume acts I on all men as a sex stimulant , and 1 don’t mean anything a.s obvious a drug will have become dated as the purely topical gag. Naturally, ' and corny. All of a sudden, after subjects like Flying Saucers, as the * producing thousands of jokes, it raw stuff of jokes, are going to be | will suddenly be Unfunny, highly seasonal. | In the long-range vie w% picture There comes a time w’hen the makers face their riiost delicate public is currently aw'are Of the when they dream up and de FlNMug Saucers, for instance, and wliat sort of jokes will strike UVen for a period. Flying Saucers Pt^ople as funny nOvv— or at least gags are topical. I by the time they get on the screen. But deeper than such superficiali1 . _ ~ tics of gag timeliness lies a more ! Ready Oscar Ballots cycle process w hich sees joke , HollyW’ood. In Kentueky, a bill was offered to ' movie studios can’t be just w'alked “repeal the excise tax on the sale ' i^to. A less resourceful soul w ould £ A • . . , £ . _ [have fled back to Texas, of admission to places of amuse „ , , ment or entertainment, including go,£,e„ thatch .briefly and thought. ! admission to motion picture thea j fuUy, then sat dowm and wrote a tres,” but this bill was killed in the committee. The Louisiana legislature defeated a bill to repeal that state’s censorship statute A bill w'as introduced in New YOrk State “to permit ow'riers and Six o’clock! And where am I? I'm at my desk this very minute, just like Rutherford IViumin!” “Having any thoughts?” I asked. “NO, but something’s bound to come of it!” Eddie cried. “I’m at letter. It was to the editor of his j and, I m using a pen, too hometown newspaper, offering ® Eddie’s Correspondence services in exchange for a letter to the Johnston Office stating thaf Eddie w as a bona fide. HpF.ywoOd correspondent. Eddie got his. Johnston Oiiice ^ . card, entitling him to attend rho opei-ators of moving picture tnea; tion picture previews and to visit admit children under age .^ny ^^nd all studio lots. Promptly Eddie began to interview writers. In Hollywood, this w'as a most sen of 16 unaccompanied by adult person at any time when school classes are not in session but not after 6 o’clock in the afternoon,, if separate section of main floor is set ! aside exclusively for children and at least one matron is in attendance.’’ This bill w'as killed without ever reaching the floor tor debate. On the plus side, New York state voted a law which “ suspends until July 1, 1951, poW'er of counties and cities to adopt local laws hereafter imposing tax on business, professions, and commercial activi Rutherford Mumm,” 1 said. A few months later^ I ran into Eddie at . a preview. . His light blue eyes W'ere rimmed with fed and he looked so exhausted he could hardly lift up the credit sheet that dangled from his limp hand. “Don’t you feel w^ell, Eddie?” I asked. Eddie’s bleary eyes slowly closed, then, painfully, he forced them open. “I feel fine,” he murmured manfully, “just fine.” “You look all in,” I said. Genius Doesn’t Repeat I “I don’t know how' Rutherford Mumm is so successful,” Eddie types come and go. Nominalion ballots for the 23rd What 1 mean to say is that there ■ annual Oscar Derby will be mailed are certain substructures On which ' Jan. 18, with the polls closing Jan, jokes arc based. This base is Usual1\ the assumption of a certain qualily by a certain thing or a person. Sometimes this rockbodom postulate bn w^hich jokes are built can last virtually throughoiil eternity, which sounds like a rebuttal of my contention that most jokes have cycles. For instance, there have been a million or more jokes about mothers-in-law. . _ The Caveman Joke ^Ve can assume that the first dawning glimmer of a sense of iuimor on the part of the Caveman came when his wife rushed into the cavern and yelled to him: “Come quick— -a saber-toothed tiger just carried mother off!” And her lord aiKl master replied: “Hell with tlu' saber-tpolhed tiger — let him lake care of himself!’’ Since that time the writing and tell i ng of mothers-in-law' jokes have . belped bring in a livelihood for ' thousands . of descendants pf the Cavcinan. The point is that all mol liors-in-.law’ jokes, without except ion, are based on one ironbound preinise: the postulate that all molhcrs-in-law are nasty people, that no fate that can befall them is any worse than they deserve, and that their sons-in-law all detest them violently; So. in lesser degrees of durahiliiy. almost all jokes are based on basic premisCvSi riiany of which tunny oiily for a limited peilod. For in dance, almost a whole generation of Americans laughed at eoundess versions of jokes all ba,sed e5;sentially on the pi'eniise that tramps love to steal hot pies ulueli had been put on window U‘dges to cool by housewives. A blood-brpthcf of this pferiiise was titat .small boys also love to steal pies put on window ledges. , No nurtter what form it takes, a Joke which reaches down to this basic assumption simply isn’t fnnpy today. Th.e same period saw a number ' Sinai I Boy basic premises wliich 27. Nominees will be announced Feb. 13. and final ballots will be mailed Feb. 27. All final Votes must be returned on or before March 13. Presentation will be staged March 22 at the P.antages theatre. sational move. Correspondents interview actors and actresses. They even interview a director or producer. But wTitCrs are not i used to being interviewed. Now Eddie came along and declared that his readers were inpfi nnlv in wrifpp'? His method of interviewing was niaj complained. “I sat down at iny chine-gun style: How do you ' desk every night at six for six write? Sitting down?. Standing . weeks straight. Nothing happened, up? Pen? Pencil? Typewriter? j ^ didn t get even one great idea [Morning, noon or night? What’s a screen original.” He clutched ties and powder of cities of less [your favorite kind of story? What . coat lapels and hung on. than 25,000 to impose special taxes kind .of story is selling to the stu i “P®. think he w'as kidding me? on admissions and entertainment.” ! dios right now? What’s the gim Giving me a wrong steer? You The states wliich held regular * mick, weinie or twist in your cur know, maybe he wa.s jealous, * afraid of a young feliow getting story eligible for production? j ahead? A twisted . genius, sore at If I didn’t see Eddie for a while, | Ihc world! You think so?” New Jersey. New' York, Rhode ; he was quick to phone me. “Mar ! I felt an intuitive flash. “Who'd Island, South Carolina and Vir-[ tin, I just interviewed Cornelia yOu interview last?” ginia. | Hobble, the new sensational screen ; “Adam Skowstop. He just wrote Special sessions, were conducted , ^ci^r, I found out that her il-;a ^j^ole screehplayinalong vveek in Connecticut, Georgia, Maryland, ; legitimate aunt, oh her mother S | paim Spring."*. He’s like Idaho, Maine, Arizona, Texas, New j side, is married to the new' head ; Napoleon or Thomas Edison; Never Hanipshire, Wyoming, Michigan, ! of .Glamour Pictures. And real | gigeps more than four hours a Washington, Illinois and Colorado. I 'vriters like us have to struggle | when your body’s all tired Only bill affecting pictures in any for years and years and get along ; out, that’s w^en your mind soars. jssions was the i oo merit!. How do you like that?” , Don’t yoi legislative sessions during 1950 I rent assignnient that makes it a were: California, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, of these special sessions unsuccessful censorship measure introduced in Georgia. BILLY ECKSTINE you think he has something And then there was the day that there? It sounds logical, doesn’t Eddie called nie right after inter jit? Boy, do I feel tired!” I ■ ■■■■ ■■■ I ■■■■!■ Ill j Eddie’s shaggy head dropped . down to his chest. I escorted him j out of the theatre lobby and into I a cab outside. i The next day Eddie phoned me. j His voice was puzzled. “1 just sold ; a story,” he said. ! “That’s great, Eddie, wonderful. ■Congratulations.” I Eddie went on; flatly, “I came i home, went right to bed, and this morning niy agent awoke me up to tell line I made a sale.” “What’s the matter? You don’t sound happy.” , “I’m not. I’m so bewildered I don’t think even my p ’ychoanalyst can help me. Haven’t I done my best to find out the best writing methods, just w’hat type stories are in the biggest demand, and everything else? I’ve interview'cd every big writer In Hollywood. There isn’t a thing about writing for the industry (that I haven’t learned since 1 left Texas.” “Which, of course, accounts for your success at last” “No!” Eddie vsereamed, and I could feel him vibrating over the phone. “I wrote this story before I: left Texas!” I just got a caU from Eddie. The same fresh voice as of ybre, the same vibrant eagerness, “Pal,” he said, arid liis tone was portentous indeed, !‘l have come to a decision, a turning point, a milestone. And you’re the first one to hear it” “I’m honored,” “You remember what I said to you the other day about waiters being nobodies and producers everything?” “That I do.” “Well, . tomorrow morning I’m starting a new series of interviews—this time with producers!” 4