Variety (January 1953)

Wednesday, January 7, 1953 Forty-sevenlh P^fijfelETY Anniversary VAUDEVILLE 249 ‘Are You A Doctor?’ (An excerpt from the Smith & Dale biography, ‘Stage Struck:) As Narrated by AARON FISHMAN “Are you a doctor?'* .shouting their orders through the “Vps I’m a doctor" cubbyhole in the wall. Amusing T , ' were the home-made signs in the •lm dubious. kitchen, one of which read, “Wait- “How do you do Mr. Dubious. ers —Before Asking for a Raise— What can 1 do for you?" the Answer Is No!’ and always “I’m as sick as a dogV* handy was a sign which read ■•you came to the right place— gaffer ^ nte f wldch would be you luiuk w ' » v brought into play whenever an ar- j'm also a veterinarian . gument between waiter and boss This skit about Dr. Kronkhite became heated. and his only b< j; People throughout the country come tnah zZw with each VeDe- who had never been near a Hun - ences laugh an ®™, i mnuFa garian restaurant came to accept tition. ji ow as from a its humor, not from its actual exist- to b “ rt ' F nr a lmo r40 vears now ence - but from tbe account hereof, ljbrettc. .Foremost 40 years now such as he sWt of , Be Hungarian Barring Minn. Minors Where There’s Liquor Minneapolis. It’ll be illegal for any minor (un- der 21) in Minnesota to be permit- ted in a supper club or nitery, even if accompanied by a parent or el- der, if the state’s sheriffs have their w r ay. That would mean they couldn’t even dine with their par- ents in any hotel eatery where li- quor is served. Minnesota Sheriff’s association at its annual convention went on rec- ord for enactment of such a meas- ure by the state legislature which convenes this month. Association pledged itself to use its best efforts to have the bill in- troduced and passed. ^ U ^i vh^t» C °anH U 1fpw^° venerations I Rha PSody set forth. The portrayal Kronkhite and new gene»tums of the sarcastic and prizing continue to laug r waiter who knew better than the grandparen s . customer what should be ordered. This famous skit was the crea- was forerunner of much of the lion of veteran performers Joe g ood humor on that subject later Smith and Charlie Dale for their adopted by comedians. "A glass Avon Comedy Four act, and was 0 f m iik, it shouldn’t smell from part of their popular Hungarian herring” became a popular expres- Rhapsody” which they presented in sion, though its Rhapsodic origin 1914. was lost track of. Just as present-day greats visit The Avon Comedy Four act was London’s Palladium, so m 1914 planned to furnish a full and lus- the invasion of the British Isles by cious mouthful of humor, song and the Avon Comedy Four was a sig- dance—a show within a show, a nal venture in selling American modified revue—for if the restau- humor abroad. Though they had rant’s customers complained that been abroad before, this was their things were dull and that they banner appearance, for they were wanted some music, the waiters to headline the first all-American doubled as entertainers, and even bill in England at the Finsbury the boss and chef engaged in an Park Empire. That year the Fos- old-time song and dance' (known ter agency assembled the Avon to the oldtimers as the Jockey Comedy Four, the Six Brown Bros., gong & Dance, done with jockey the Four Bards, J. Francis Dooley caps and whips in hand). & Corinne Sa l es ’ ^an^eys When Joe> the cheff got dizzy Ethel Barker^Charles &F y U rom too much work and haranguei, \ an, and Josie Heather for U " ruS hed away to see a doctor forgettable event * n Anglo-A - and the next scene shifted to a doc- can good will. tor’s office and there was presented The handbill of that appearance, the scene destined to endure to our adorned with the Stars and Stripes day, a favorite described by George is today an item of quaint memo- Jean Nathan as “the champion rabilia. As on all Moss Si Stoll vest-button buster in the theatre.” handbills the announcement bore Dr Kronkhite was not, however, the legend, Tis not in mortals w jthout his theatrical parent. In the to command success, but we ll do year igQg the Avons were adding v ! or f desen7e .some additional bits to their “New shades of an incredible past the school Teacher” skit. Joe Smith -°^ a< ^|P lssl0 ^» stated both in would come out and do a series of S 1 ™ 11 / 8 an( * , c ? nts ’ ranged from imitations. “I will now give you $1.20 for a seat in a private box to L n imitation of a {riends of mine 6 cents for an upholstered seat in go j Bg into a doctor’s shop,” he be- the gallery. gan and as turned around to And now the Avons were home- simulate walking, a sign DOCTOR ward bound after their great tri- KRONKHITE appeared on the umph. It was while they were yet scene with Harry Goodwin as tHe in London that Max Hart, the assistant in the doctor’s office (suc- Avons’ agent, cabled that their next ceeded in more affluent days by a engagement would open in Cali- very attractive blonde nurse), fornia—their longest theatre jump a conversation with another pa- London to Oakland. | tient developed the information I Looking for a New Skit 1 ^at the ailers were charged $5 : ; for the first visit, $3 for the second, En route to California they be- and $1 for the third. When the gan preparing a new act. The doctor, Charlie Dale, appeared on “New School Teacher” act, which the scene and approached the pros- they had first introduced in Kings- pective patient, Joe Smith, he was ton, N. Y., in 1901, had been very greeted with the line “Well, doc- successful but they felt that it tor, here I am again.” In 1914, would be wise to present a new what was once one of Joe’s imita- one after all these years. » tions following the School Act, de- Before they left for the w’est veloped into a full routine which they consulted Sime Silverman, the created Dr. Kronkhite and his only founder-editor of Variety. living patient, Mr. Dubious. "Sime,’’ Joe began, “Charlie and This then was the business that I are planning a new act for the the Avons continued to rehearse Four and we can’t decide whether ^nd prepare as they travelled to to locate it in a saloon or a restau- Oakland and on the rest of the cur- rant. What do you think?” cult. Toward the end of the route, . ,, . yjt . I again a wire came from agent r,.„\, ,L t ° n r U , y , a , 'r? g T an Hart. He had booked them into restaurant as the locale? It offers the paIace . (Manchesteri N . H .>, a g at possibilities. break-in week to be followed by “It does, at that, Joe,” Charlie another at Proctor’s Newark. And added. “Do you remember our s0 two vaudeville classics, “Hun- routine of imitations when you do garian Rhapsody” and “Dr. Kronk- the routine of a friend of yours go- hite,” had their debut in a small ing into a delicatessen store to buy New England town, something to eat; you point to the During the Newa rk break-in counter and say, Give me 10 cents SmjtB suggested H art get them an ; oi h of salmon,’ and I tell you additional break-in week, tnats not salmon, that’s ham, and Blame High-Pressure Selling of Talent For Vaudevilles Latter-Day Setback Deposits Save N.Y. Niteries as Snow, Bus Strike Snag Thanks to the system whereby nitery owners demand some pay- ment in advance before they con- sider a reservation confirmed, the majority of New York cafes did fairly well on New Year’s Eve. The heavy snowfall, bad roads and the pending bus strike which started midnight of the Eve killed off a lot of trade. Suburban celebrants were missing entirely because travel on the snowy roads was risky, but those that made their reservations just couldn’t afford to stay away because their dough was already spent. The bad weather brought in a few strays, but the sum total was not of sellout proportions. Latin Quarter, in a last-minute flurry of reservations prior to the storm, was assured a profitable Eve busi- ness even before festivities started, and last-minute refugees wanting o get out of the bad weather took care of the rest. Copacabana was sellout also and the Versailles ooked like it had just about what it could handle. Leon & Eddie’s also did a sprightly business. French Casino had some white space and some of the minor spots ooked like they could have taken care of more business. The hotels were in good shape throughout the evening. After this week, the niteries are prepared to settle down for that post-Jan. 1 slump which is expect- ed to run to the end of the month. They expect a few good weeks be- fore the income tax period hits them again. The vaudeville field has Kcome | the dust bowl of American show biz. Except for a few fertile patches, vaudeville is a segment of the entertainment industry that has been given a thorough work- over by agents and acts. They’ve taken out everything and put too little back. As a result, most of the life has been taken out of what, until a year or so ago, was regard- ed as a lively little corpse. The operators, to a great ex- tent, blame the high-pressure forms of selling now prevalent in the show biz fields. Those entre- preneurs warn that unless the pressure by a handful of agents who control top names is relented, other segments of the industry will suffer the same fate as the vauderies. In the first place, the agency method of selling whereby one sock headliner is packaged along with a few spurious attractions, hurt the outlets tremendously. Frequently a buyer had to take several shows in which he knew he’d lose money, in order to get the big one. The agency swore he’d clean up that week. Just as often, it didn’t work out that way. It’s true he lost on the “dogs,” as the agency prom- ised, but he had to pay so much for the mccoy, that he just couldn’t make out. Another evil that helped the de- mise of vaude is the packaging system, whereby the agency that sold the headliner was entitled to set everything else on the show. Costs rose tremendously, and it permitted little chance of acts in the process of building to get the needed circulation. you say, ‘Did I ask you what it Mas?’ and what a laugh that got.” “Yeh,” Joe added, “and then when I say, ‘Don’t cheat on the weight because I can tell any weight,' and you say, ‘Two ton, Up- ton and Down-ton’.” (That humor of the first decade- was good for another quarter of a century and even sneaked into the 1950s.) J The Hungarian Rhapsody “I already have,” he replied. “You’re playing the New York Pal- ace next week. Eddie Darling., the booker, saw your act and he thinks it is ready for Broadway/’ SET SURROUNDING ACTS FOR HUTTON VAUDER Hollywood, Jan. 6. Five surrounding acts have been Higher & Higher Musical Features, Inc., has been chartered to conduct a theatrical business in New York, with Gus Haenschen as one of the directors. Some of the bookers didn’t help either. At one time, there was a class of booker that wouldn’t go across the street to case a new act Thus, they were left at the mercy of the high-pressure boys who didn’t mind overselling as long as it brought in commissions. In re- cent years, there has been no way for a booker to retaliate. Any booker who put a top agent on the blacklist soon found himself apolo- gizing. He just had to have them around if he was to continue in business. The abuse that prevailed in the vaude industry didn’t stop there. There were many theatres that were getting along on moderate- priced talent. They were soon talked into buying names, and then there weren’t enough to keep them supplied on a regular basis. The effect was the same as a potential alcoholic taking that first drink. By this method, they permitted themselves to be at the mercy of the talent peddlers. Once having gotten the patron- age accustomed to names, theatre By JOE COHEN operators found that they had to pay more and more for mediocre acts. In the eyes of virtually every performer, he’s the head- liner and he demanded a hiked salary to prove it. The instigator was generally the high-pressure agent who got him away from the indie that was grooming and build- ing him. The pressure kid had to up the act’s salary to make good. These agents had their way in a lot of situations. Of course, it was always the operator who shelled out and got very little in return. But while the high-pressure agent took a lot out of the theatre industry, he did little to return some of the loot. He didn’t stop long enough in his collection of commissions on names to help a non-name along. He couldn’t af- ford to pay any attention to any- body that showed some potential. It would have interfered with his handling of the names. The motto was let the little agent develop the talent, then, when the act got hot, take over— and they generally did. That might be okay if they threw something to the indies, but gradually they closed in on him by refusing to share commissions when the big agency had an exclusive deal on a spot, and by taking away his bread- winners. So now that they’ve driven many little fellows out, they’ve proportionately decreased their chances of developing new top acts. Further chances of bringing new names to the fore have also de- creased in recent months. New trend these days by the high-pres- sure boys is to let the disk compa- nies develop new names for them. This new trick has resulted in con- siderable woe. A new voice is shot up to the super brackets in little time. The date-digger is in his glory. Here’s somebody he can sell even though he may not be worth very much at the boxoffice. Book- ings are made at top money while the recordings are hot. Once the d>sk product doesn’t have a record hit, he’s left stranded at a high price and no takers. Theatres have lost plentv on many quick record names. Pity of it is that some of these top selling singers cannot carry an echo chamber with them, and thus cannot do a good job on stage. ! Is Everybody Happy? Sime had sired a skit. The boys se t for the Betty Hutton vaude unit, Sfd'VoTio whichopensafour - week ‘ standJan They located the scene in the kitch- 19 at th e Curran Theatre, San en of a Hungarian resaurant, and Francisco. Package tours the north- tailed the act “A Hungarian Rhap- west after the Frisco date. $8?' p' y ;’’ Charlie was the boss and other-acts on the bill will be Bob • Irving Kaufman were the waiters. Williams, The Skylarks, the loKay Ihe scene had all the trappings of ers, Clifford Guest, and Warren, kitchen, with waiters rush- Latona and Sparks. CyTiobbet- busy Kitchen, with waiters rush- 1 Latona ana £>parxs. ^y ing through swinging double doors, be musical conductor. LUCILLE and EDDIE ROBERTS The amazing and amufting stars of “WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?” Currently playing their annual engagement at the Hotel Schroeder, Mil waukee, thru Jan. 11th, followed by The Prince George Hotel, Toronto Ruby Foos, Montreal, The Radio Club, Fort Lauderdale, all repeat dates. Press Relations: Frances Kaye and Gig Rosenfeld. DIRECTION: MUSIC CORPORATION OF AMERICA ... ~1 In cases of this kind, a great in- justice is done to both singer and operator. The singer is often thrust into a situation for which he has no preparation. His the- atrical background doesn’t warrant the starring spot. The entertain- ment values do not add up. Fre- quently, nobody except the high- pressure kid is happy. The toD-powered salesman look- ing at the devastation he helnrd bring on remarks that television brought about the demise of vaude. However, it’s felt that if vaude- ville hadn’t been weakened by its enemies from within, this industry ■ could have withstood the effects of elevision for a long time, just as it did when talker^ cm] radio of- fered major competition. The general run of public still likes an evening out. There will always be a lot of draw for the round actor. But it must be the right kind of entertainment and at the right price. The high prices charged for non-entertaining names make it mandatory that a theatre- man charge likewise in order to come out even. The big boys have started a vicious circle that helped decimate theatres. Now the high-pressure boys, hav- ing contributed to the decline of one segment of show business, are now looking around for other fields, cafes, where they’ve already gotten a tremendous stranglehold. It’s already a name-conscious field. The same conditions that prevailed in v&ude are generally prevailing here, only there are still a lot of bonifaces around. But the storm warnings are up and given a little time, there may be a decimation of that form of show biz. The pressure boys are in on vir- tually every form of the amuse- ment field. At this stage of the game there are still lots of fertile pastures where they can extracl the last measure of commission Whether they’ll do the same kinc of job elsewhere as they cpd h Vaude will depend greatly on thi restraints put upon them.