Variety (July 1953)

Wednesday, July 29, 1953 IlKVIK W-MIH VI K W . . . * . .• • ... . . . By 1971 television was in a hell of a mess. People* in their desperate effort , to avoid looking at each other, had grasped at each new mechanical improvement offered by . the SCTrust, ; culihinating : in 4thwal, the tri-dimension, natural-color^ life-size picture which occupied an entire wall of a room. But the people soon tired of this and when their Projectubes burned out, they were not Teplaced. It appeared that television was about to go the way of the pig, almost extinct now that the electric garbage-chopper H5d swept the country, The trouble was not with equip■ ment; but what, cameout.Film, longago bailee^ as the answer to the problem; had reached the vanishing point of diminishing returns. As long as Len Levinson ...-.-^jje're. were old pictures, the video industry struggled along. But by 1970 television had caught up and was showing movies made thqt same year. That knocked put the last of the movie houses, which had been bravely' Shouldering most Of the cost . of the films, sp Holly.^ wood stopped making therii. hive television offered no better solution. For 25 years, the eternal optimists had slaved, schemed, stilletoed,. always hoping that things would, got better, but the Golden; Day n£ver veanie. Actors with 50 scripts a year to memo' rize found their capacity for forgetting limited... Somewhere above the thousand mark the Outflow would clog up and then forgotten speeches; or discarded directions, would suddenly pop up to bewilder the audience and hu . . iniliate. the actor into retirement •/• / ^i,iters\'wbrb'-;wi,ung; dry, squeezed .between the. limitations :of the medium and the boundaries set by censor* sponsor and producer. -There was one network, CAN (Colunibia-Anierican-National) and one producer, MCM (Moms-Consolidated-MUsie). Sports and news events alone held up. the sagging induslry. Then the TV; League scandal drpve football off . the air (three teams were caught using girls) and the FGC banned the commentator Who offered to cut his own throat on camera in one last effort to bolster his plummeting • rating. NOW the entire medium trembled on the; brink of disuse. . 7. : Looking back today, it seems ironic that television was saved by, of all people,, a psychiatrist. Dr. S. I. Aspinwall was experimenting with a new aind extremely sensitive elect ro-enciphalogram. Replacing the old-fashioned graphs and charts with a tube-screen and harnessing magnetic Waves as well as electronic impulses from the brain, Aspinwall hoped to get images which he. could eventual ly learn to decipher and read; It was while working with an early patient named Repvogle that Dr. Aspinwall noticed the zig-zags on the tube . were •.assuming a definite pattern. ' “What -are you thinking about?” asked the doctor. “Food.” said Repvogle. ^ ’ ; . “Hmm,” said the doctor, peering at the crude outline of a banana on the screen, “just, as I thought.” Once the principle was. discovered, American ingenuity quickly refined arid perfected NC (for ericiphalotransmission), as i’t/was named. The crude images became perfect pictures: sound and color followed as a matter of course. 'Within tW'o years it Was possible to broadcast a perfect picture of a person^ thoughts, . / • Now the writer . Was. king. Relaxing alone in a softlylit room, he heed not even speak. He simply imagined and the Sensitive, platinum halo over his head captured his ideas, transmitted them to the NC translator in a tuber studded main control room and sent them out to light up 50,000,000 otherwise drab homes across the land, ' However, not ail successful writers made good Visu • lators, as. they were now called. Peter Poop, the lemonfaced, lemon-voiced master of sarcasm,, was found to project, but one. steady image— a pattern of lemons. Geoffrey Feincomb; the prolific detective, story creator, never got through the second installment of ‘‘Who’ll ■ Buy My Violence?” He. was cut off the air while his private eye was kicking a book publisher in the groin. Loris Lee, foremost practitioner of the love novel, fled from the medium; pursued by a tidal;, wave of unchivalrpus lawsuits, .when it became apparent that her program, “RoMANce” was mainly autobiographical. . By LEONARD LOMS LEVINSON Mercury’s head like .quicksilver and the world was entranced. Then one evening, after he unlocked the door following an especially satislying thoughteast, the asseni. bled vice-presidents greeted him with silence, instead of the usual .florid congratulations. Shenikker, the yice. president in charge of vice-presidents, spoke for the . group. / : , : . Lately there had been some complaints; ' Matters too small to mention and disturb Mercury’s thought patterns, ; but tonight they had all been repeated and enlarged; Herman had fun two minutes over, for one thing. And for another, the commercial for National Drive-Hi SelfService Crematoriums had not been integrated as. deftly as the sponsor desired. 'Also,: that dress the heroine hod worn. It would have been just dandy if the girl hadn’t moved', around so quickly. In the future, wouldn’t Her. man like to refer to drawings sketched up for him by the studio designer; like the other ViSulators; did? Herman was rather short with the y ice-p res i dents . His stuttering always increased when he was .annoyed and it took hint some time to answer them. Taking iip their .points in ';irfe'gular::qfder,\die::ref-usedd'b:;.'use;! process shots and would continue to dress his .wohieii as he saw fit ,' . , he was an artist and if they wanted; a human metronome who would come oiit on the second, they could replace . him with Dr. . Schwartzw^dd, who Visioned; the tiine signals ... he would be glad to give hisopinion of Tiye./spohS.or via NG, over a closed circuit, hut they’d better .supply. . him w ith a heavy-duty, east -iron halo. That "first time Herman got ‘ a w.a y w i 1 1 i i t V . b u ( t he . cloud no. biggef. than a; man’s hand began to grow. Koine, per-, yefsity in his brain made him think; thoughts on the air' that he never thought at other times. At least, iu)t right out '=.£ i:pnt' '.in; .'the .first; level of his.. ini nd. And they were; slippery little zippy ideas Which darted in 'an cl ’flipped out , plunging households into violent argument ■: as; to Whether they, had actually been seen or were the product of so mo'• .one’s nasty mindi .. ./When helwOrk censoi’s accused ■...'Mercury.he protested ; his innocence: and blamed their/scalalogieal imivginatlons.. • And: fpiva while, he. was able to override them. Of course, By BERT MEKIN /As. told' to Lawrence ■and.' Lee'); . .. Hoi ly wood., ;■ ; Nobodj who hasn’t heard of me. has probably., never heard Of television. The fact that you have never seen Bert , Mekin ’s face nor heard the voice of Bert Mekin does not mean that Bert Mekin is not a household word in every household from a 10-inch screen up. The fact that the . Lenion Growers Association of the Yakima Valley have voted me “Mr;, Television of 1953’’ gives you a: rough idea History of Herman But a surprising number of authors survived and many people who had been too lazy or too inarticulate with words became popular. Of tlie latter, the foremost w'as Herman Mercury. Born of a broken home, little Herman spent alternate weeks with a doting mother and a stern father. In the, maternial custody, he was/, encouraged to develop his natural left-handedness. This appeared rather sinister to his. father; who; did everything ' he could to break the habit. The \ result was that Herman never; learned. to write with either hand and acquired a stammer; . ... . .1.1 l • •» } • ■ , • ’m ‘ ' i • 1 I. _ sir dist resslng . that both parents abandoned him at. the age Of 29, /•'; Herman’s first appearance on NC was quite, accidental. : It. was On lower Fifth Avenue*; March 17V.1973., ^and the '■ traditional St,. Patrick's Day parade was forming,. A discussion between : two, rival benevolent organisations re>uh.ed'-;ih-;-the\lauricliirtg of a flight of bricks into the air, one' of w'hich felled the GAN com.mentator.-visualator. who vs as on the spot. Herman, standing near the abandoned NC halo, his head in the clouds as usual, was picked up bv the delicate instrument, . Immediately, , millions of darkened screens blazed with a lilting Irish tale of love and music, .topped by ai rollickiflg new coine-all-ye, ‘‘The Bog-Trotters’ Ball-” which started the frenzied clog-dancing craze that agitated the world for the next three weeks. .'Evert before the fade-out Of this first production, alert CAN vice-presidents had traced the. source and hired Mercury to think under sponsorship.. Nor did he disappoint them. He was able to dream almost on the spur of the moment and each dream was beautiful, from the delightanimated opening titles to that ever-present final ilcdjt^'.This— Has-Been-an^Herman— Mercury^-ThoUght^ c »st.” ■ . . ' . •• • . Success sweetened life for Herman. i* or almost two years the del ightful stories flowed from voted me “Mr;, Television of 1953 gives you a: rough idea liow big a man Bert, Mekin. is. 1 am the Uncle Millie, of '.• the package business. • : / I Ip w d i d. I ge t my sla r t ? . It \va s . i n m y blood . , M y folks ■ were Old show people. My M other, was a spellc'r. for a song-, Great Atlantic & Paeifie Tea Co. 1 got niy stall in the .Gre.at , A-Hart tic • arid.'Pacifi c: Tea Co. I .got my start in the borscht circuit, as an uhdersiudy to a .bus boy,' at Clrossiuger.’s. Night after night, 1 waited for my big cJiance to go on. : But the busboy never got sick. He ate at Howard Johnson’s. It was thert that I realized the performer is. oniy the. second assistant di reel or lo the real genius of show biz: the idea man. Ideas! ThaVs. what people want,. You don’t have-to be a writer. You don’t have to be an actor, You don’t have to be a. singer. You don't have to be funny. You don’t even have to have an idea, if you are a big enough genius,, other people, will: bring their ideas to you and tell you that you thought them up. : How do you start Out to be. a genius? Simpte. You get a publicity man who tells everybody you are a genius. Education is 'a very bad handicap for \a genius because you are tempted fo get into arguments With people who know more about it than you do. If you know absolutely, nothing about something, people are afraid, to argue with you. They figure any body who. is that dumb jnvst be; a genius, or else how did he got to be where he is? When you look down the list of my .successful shows ..( “South Atlantic;” “I Remember Aunt Fanny,” “W hat’s My Occupation?” “Planet Patrol;” “Studio Two,” “Life With Lucy,” “I Love Luigi,” “The Unsuspected,” “The ’Frisco Kid”) people sometimes w'ondcr how. I think them ’all up. ' The^ ^’ ansiver''Is^ 'si |fil)Te. TJVa^ vd a xi^ ^rrifig^Pln^ the public wants. The best way to have an Unerring sense of ..what the, public w'ants is 16 read the grosseis in Yaiuk;i y, I only create ideas which have already made .big grosses: he never would have succeeded If it were possible lo kineseope NC. but for some, obscure reason no one ■■had fouiid . a way to put. thought transmission on film. Since no one ever stands still and nothing remains constant (Levinson's Law), tliose vagrant ideas of Herman Mercury became more, and more wayward. There enme a . day when he had to face the eliairman . of the board of CAN and admit that ,;.thc;'' ^ "Flashing Garters” number, in. his last product.ioh, “Paris After Dark;,”. had been a trifle .• over-done, or underdone '..depending on t lie viewpoint. ‘‘Mercury,” Thundered . tlie.. edvairnvan of the hoard, “we’re giving you one last chance: Tonight, . if there ;is ; .one tiny Vestige of dr :. • Ivuinpf . . . well ; / . you know. . what . .. , in your production, we will take advantage of the escape clause in your contract and relieve you of your halo” ; , • : : _ vy . To have his only nu‘an s o feSp ressi oil shat oh od Out from over him, was ;a eontingency 1 lernian slruddei:ed to, vjs , iialize and he proinised fervently, to think only lofty, sanitary thoughts . . : s oin e t h i ng B.i hi i e a I , |) er h a ps . And after he locked the door of his studio and relaxed under Ins mtmograimned plalimim circle. Mercury’s mind turned to the Bible. Unforlnnatel.v, lie began at tlie beginning. .: ;. ;• With someth ing akin I o despo.ralioh he. tried to straighten out and he did rnapage to clearv Up t he fourth and fliird. planes of his mind before t lie red ''go’,’ light went Oh. but the . second ,. iayei realized w iili horror that, the first,, or broadcasting, level was; throwing, on the Screeii a musical comedy based oil the Book (if Genesis; titled “Adamant . ■ Eve.”, ; /;/ ;.•■/ . ... !. Lnlc 2()lh lleiilury Version I Before he eoii Id. swileh ov(; r t o anything else! he was In. the Garden of. Eden, frant ica I ly trying to I hlnk/nothing but hend: shots aiui • close-ups of Ids;, iwo characters and long x h o Is ( > i; lu vi u t i iu I f o I i a ge ; ' . With a iniglily effort he. dissolved and merged every thing by costuming t|ie pair in tasteful slu irbinvry' apd Weid oii \vi| It his story,/ Yet all was no! sirnmih sailing: ; Tilde after lime' ■■the; story' gath-/: ered speed and threatened to jeaye the. rails. The irilrO(Inetion of the .Apple raised double cn.|;eHdVtv:;i.o :ii'||>l’iy.'a'nd you can imagine whal happened after IJie 'SnakV\;ni{ul(* Iris .: .entrance-, ' ■ VV / , , ■ ' ' ; j J’iien, as if l.o add a finishing 1 < m c 1 1 , t lie 1 >ac k lie II 1 0 f . Herman’s, brain re mein be ret I a lvistoric parailel and the poor' -hi a ti f ou lid I lie' /h a lids o I ; h i s m i n d f u II, i. ryii ig to keep. . Mae'West, from; hipping. her way t lirdugh the ( lardoii. And while he Was busy healing M;ie' hntTc into (lie bushes On one Side of t Ire set , anolhcr part of Ids niiiul allowed ol her / sirens of old. to invade Ids Paradise ITpm tire opjiosile entranceSoon t lit* woods were full of TiirrVcrs arid G rabies and Monroes and Bussells, Sotnciurw t lie original Cast and plot w en* lost in Hie melee and Herman signed; off : ahead cif time., certain Thai this had been Ids final tlidiighteaxM . • .• ; ;• /.• • V. / As he. imlbeked and. opened t in* door... In*' braced lifm.sclf for the onslaiiglit. Bill, .outside lie ftinnd (itily a eruwd .of 1 ceil n i eia ns niij tterin g, 1 1 *s 1 1 ng , lappii i g . ns 1 1 i.ey el i eek ed ,. switches, cables, eireidfs. • . • '. y.. Well, thought Herman, llial last sc(]ueiice Tiiusi have blown llie T'us(‘.s. / Blit a lew caul ions qii(‘.sl ions • revealed that the trouble had xlarled. just before he wtvrrl on the ..aif. and rio part (if his j) fog fain .had . even readied Main (,’onlrol. Mercury-' -exhaled a sign of re fief; A reprieve. Possibly by next :.":Ti|e'sday' ■ nigh I Ire could think out a foi)!pnio.f, incoifiipfi ble .striry. . Si ill Aiiotlier Plot j . Leaving tin* GAN building, ho began working on the next prodiietion as he 'walked home. JIc needed a safe period. The set ti ing of tin1 J'ilgrims in New. England might do. Not a very joyful period, hut he could hnghten. ii With friendly J rid iaris, a . pi rat e dr I wo, in ay he a song . like “How Hester Won Her •.Scarlet A.” — no, no, ,tii(*re it . was, again! Herman, my. hoy, he told himself, you’ve simply got to flush tiiat. mind of yours. He Was 'irderruplod by t he (corner newsdealer, w'lio^ ^complimented him, w-jlh ; a rm'rry tvvinkic, on tonighl’s. program. Poor fellow Pius! have, made* a mistake. Mercury thought as he turned, toward his aparlinenl. There the doorman said : “Thai was pro fly hoi si u If toward the end,. Mr. Mercury; I seen it down at Sheehan’s on rn.y. supper hour.” Now Herman W'as /puzzled.' The telephone girl and the elevator man,, neilher of whom ever missed a . Mercury' though least , were both more t ban ordinarily enthusiaslie. /. As he look off his coat and sat down, Herman tried to explain it To b.i nri Se If. Tli ey we re all kidding him: .each had missed the program and was covering, up; But that couldn’t explain the little details they had mentioned, .file singing of snatches, of. the “.Snake’s Siren Song." / Yet the -program had not . gone, out ovoi; the air, of T hat ; lie was v positive. Otherwise, he Would . never; have Tell .the studio under his Tiw'ri pqwer. = He would have been; propel fe(l Out Of GAN by a . flying wedge pi /yiee/presiderits;/ The •t.eleplipne •‘..rafig' •'.-a'nci ...'ji-e'-' answered it: Minahel. Maverick,, one. of; his most enthusiastic fansr w-as; .call ing read upside down., wnen i am in a ipetung d.i a ; jronf San .AntopiO, -Texas. ..■■•"MlriabcJ/.gu.sii'C'd'. like onV*. of oflicey There is no t.ellmg ho w*. i)1 Ufh you hThj re la x >oui her oil weils.; ..She’d .. just loved .-.the1 |)f:r>g:rarn. A 1 1. Texai . creative mind by' .-rgading everything. ,prj: hip desk upside >-u^ . lovt)ci:; it. ' ft. had tiiat. • c h ilc '. -eo p• .ea/ne' . ;fl it vri-r ;' -H ugti i;-, . dow n, without his knowing .it/ l have gotten the mspnation ■ a T i Mcf v t) >(, m r Omi ng lha t way, f 1 on ev pot . for some of my best original: ideas in this way. ■; / If there is one thing a genius mbst make /absolutely Safe of, it is that everybody should know .of his eriorinous . contribution. You should demand a full-screen, card., at least four places in each half-hour reading: “Created, by/ Bert Mekiri;” If possible, tlidre should be some confusion in the public mind as to Whether .the sponsor is Bert Mekiri or General Foods. In case a particular show* Is lousy, you should quick have* them put on a closing credit Which says: “A Bert Mekin Production”; in the language of television today; this is a disclaimer which-', means you . had absolutely nothing to do with the show. . You cannot help running into a few jealous people who .will sometimes say. to you behind your back; “Bert Mekin! That goniff!” This is the price of success. This is what happens to all of us who get to the top. Whenever these ^imie^edple^^er^triTTy^creaHve^talentSi^dcrwoHeHb bother me. I do not worry. My conscience is dear. Deep in my heart — I stole it first! just loved it, ‘ H 'had That, chile eon earne flavor, Sugar, anrG jusf: keep Tm/corriing tiiat /way, Iloneypot . ./ . .• Mercury hung up and dialed his cousin ip Tda ho Tfn*y loved, the show, .up there,, too, //Next, he .'phoned t he, old-. ' Time star/ Donald O’Conner, Whohad .retired 'id Flofidav' O’Coriner said tonight’s program Tiad given him the hist touch of the Fountain of Youth since he arriyed in St. Augustine. . . . .-. ■ ./ No.wr Herman could, no jong(T doubt wiiat. had. happened. . He had leaped clear over the dead,, useless, machines of. GAN. A. T, & T. and SeTfust, straight to the. minds of the people. From now.on. he could thoughtcast as he pleased. Honi $(rit qui mal y pense/ Evil unto Him who evil thinks. Down with the sponsors and vice-preside.nfs. and. censori and agents. But how would he live? That was the question . . . '■ / ■ ' Excuse me a moment, patient reader; I; just remembered to send off my annual penny to Herman Mercury. ^A-ridiculous=sum?-^0f=eourse-it=isT=-But-Henman-Jias=5O,=.= 600,000 loyal listeners, who send him a penny , a year. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but He gets by.