Variety (April 1911)

U VARIETY SHOWS NEXT WEEK NEW YORK. AS A MAN THINKS" (John Muon)-Nazl- Tiinvii'a (6th week). •HMIV MINK■"- Majestic (37th week). l»U I.)E* I.IIXE" (Ralph Her*)—Knicker- bocker Out w«'<*k). ■KVHItYWOMAN"-Herald Square (8th week). "EXCISE ME"—Galoty (10th week). (1F.T KICH QUICK WALLING FORD"—Co- han's (34th week). "HKLH HY THE ENEMY" (William Gillette) --Empire (1st week). "LITTLE MISS FIX-IT" (Hayes and Nor- worth)- Clone (3d week). MILDKKI) HOLLAND—Garden (5th week). MKS. HUMPSTEAD-LEIGH" (Mri. Flske) — Lyceum (3d week). "MADAME X"— Weit End. "NOBODY'S WIDOW" (Blanche Bates)—Hud- son (22d week). "OVER NIGHT"—Play House (16th week). PLAYS IN GERMAN—Irving Place (18th week). "POMANDER WALK"—Walacks (18th week) "RAFFLES" (Kyrle Bellew)—Grand Opera House. RICHARD MANTELL—Daly's fWt week). SPECTACLE—Hippodrome (33d week). STOCK—Academy. SPOONER STOCK—Metropolis (8th week). "THAIS"—Criterion (6th week). "THE BALKAN PRINCESS"—Casino (21st week). "THE CONCERT"—Belasco's (29th week). "THE CONFESSION"—BIJou (6th week). "THE. DEEP PURPLE"—Lyric (16th week). "THE DICTATOR" (William Collier)—Com- edy (1st week). "THE EASIEST WAY" (Frances Starr)—Re- public (3d week). "THE GAMBLERS"—Maxlne Elliott's (27th week). "THE HENPECKS"—Broadway (11th week). "THE LONDON FOLLIES"—Weber's (1st "1HB PINK LADY"—New Amsterdam (6th week). "THE SPRING MAID"—Liberty (17th week). "THE WHITE SISTER (Viola Allen)—Man- hattan O. H. VARIETY—Winter Garden (6th week). PHILADELPHIA. "THE HAVOC" (Henry Miller)—Broad. MASK AND WIG CLUB ("The Innocents") — Chestnut St. O. H. "THE FORTUNE HUNTER"—Garrlck. "BEHIND THE SCENES"—Walnut. "A FOOL THERB WAS" (Robert HIMard) — Forrest. "ALIAS JIMMY VALENTINE" (H. B. War- ner)—Adelphl. "MLLE ROSITA" (Frltsl Scheff)— Lyric. STOCK—Chestnut St. "A BROKEN IDOL"—Grand Opera House. "THE PARISH PRIEST"—National. "DCMONT'S MINSTRELS" (Stock)—Eleventh St. O. H. THOMASHEFSKf'S YIDDISH STOCK—Arch. CHICAGO. "THE FOX," Lyric. "THE FIRST NIGHT" (Lillian Russell) - Rlackstone (2d week). •THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS" (Hyams tin.I Mrlntyre)—Chicago O. H. (1st week). "LOVE AND POLITICS"—Cort (3d week). "THE FASCINATING WIDOW" (Julian El- tlnge)—Colonial (8th week). "HE CAME FROM MILWAUKEE" (Sam Ber- nard)—Garrlck (1st week). "DISRAELI" (George Arllss)—Grand O. H. (11th week). "MAGGIE PEPPER" (Roso StahD— Illinois (9th week). "THE GIRL I LOVE"—La Salle (12th week). THE TRAVELING SALESMAN "-i, er's (1st week). "GIT RICH QUICK WALLINGFORD"— Olympic (21st week). "THE SEVEN SISTERS" (Charles Cherry) — Powers (1st week). "THE STRANGER" (Wilton Lackaye) — Studebaker (3d week). "MEHRY MARY" (Sophie Tucker)—Whitney O H. (1st week). RAN FRANCISCO. ■■WILDFIRE" (Stock)—Alcaiar. "THE REDEMPTION OF EVELYN VATTDRV (Olgn Nethersole)—Savoy. FOLLIES OF 1910"—Columbia. INDIANAPOLIS. "GETTING A POLISH" (May Irwin)— Shu- bvrt-Murat (18). PTOPK—Park. "THE MERRY WHIRL"—Empire. BALTIMORE. 'N.MT.HTV MARIETTA"—Academy. THE NEST EGO"—Ford's. THE PIPER" (Edith Wynne Matthlson) Auditorium I -AID IN VI'LL 1 '— -Holllday. RIP VAN WINKLE"—Savoy. HEM MAN SHOW"--Gayety. JARDIV DE PARIS'— Monumental. 8T. LOUIS. "DON'T LIE TO YOT'R WIFE"—Olympic. "MADAME X"—Shubert. <;oi.\r, SOME" (Hl^by Stork)—Garrlck. —American. PRINC.LE'S MINSTRELS ■■SIS Hiil'KI.VS I: H" HARMS & ] l.i \ lin p i ' u.i.ii:s « »i-" SEATTLE. "TILLIES NIGHTMARE" (Marie Dressier) — Moore. "THE OLD HOMESTEAD"—Grand. "WHOSE BABY ARE YOU?"—Lois. "MONTE CRISTO"—Alhambra. TORONTO. "THE CHOCOLATE SOLDIER"—Royal Alex- andria (2d week). "THE OLD TOWN" (Montgomery A Stone) — Princess. GEORGE SIDNEY—Grand. "MERRY MAIDENS"—Star. IRWIN'S "BIG SHOW"—Gayety. NEW YORK. FIFTH AVE "The Operatic Fes- tival" Nell O'Brien Mack A Orth Belle Blanche International Polo Team (Others to fill.) COLONIAL I'Dlnkelsplel's Christmas" Rice A Cohen Montgomery A Moore Tom Nawn A Co Grace Hazard Maggie Cllne Rawson A June Kealey's Circus Swor A Mack Brlce A King ORPHEUM Elsie Janls Charles Rlchman A Co McMahoo A Chap- pelle Rooney A Bent "Swat Milllgan" Hoejr A Lee Wlnsor McCay Linden Beckwith Pope A Dog ALHAMBRA W H Thompson A Co "High Life In Jail" Stafford A Stone Flanagan A Edwards Patsy Doyle Lee Loyd Belle Baker Dahue's Arabs Stickney's Circus BRONX Nat C Goodwin Ryan A Richfield Marshall P Wilder Whltaker A Hill Lane A O'Donnell Kenney, Nobody A Piatt Rickey's Circus The Vanderkoors Avery A Hart ORBENPOINT Andrew Mack Haines A Vidocq Henry Horton A Co McKay A Cantwell Connelly A Webb Art Bowen Julian A Dwyer McClellan A Carson HAMMERSTEINS Victor Moore A Co Creasy A Dayne Howard A North Fougere Alexander A Scott Anna Chandler Berlin Madcaps 3 Leightons Barnes A Crawford Beth Tate Sharp A Wilks Chas A Anna Gloc- ker 8 Lowells Fosto A Fuzzy Devlin A Lewis INDIANAPOLIS. KEITHS GRAND Wilson, Plerson A Edwards' Song Re- Co ▼lew six Abdallahs Bergere's Players Kelley A Kent Jones A Deeley The Rexos ST. LOUIS. COLUMBIA Franklin A Green Leonard A Russell O'Brien Havel Co Belle Adair Smythe A Ha.tman Three Nevaros (One to fill) PRINCESS Frank Parker A Co Evelyn Wells Orletta A Taylor Northworth, Skelly A Co Georgia Yeoman Tom Brantford Mimic Four Jan Dara A Co NEW ORLEANS. ORPHEUM Farnum A Clark Helen Grantley A Sisters Co Shelvy Boys Jewell's Manikins Grant A Hoag Three White Kuans Callon THE MTY IIM'ST 1» \ V i l.i \ < St:iriil:ii-(1. iy BILLIE MEEHAN AND VIOLET PEARL. Will w.-iliz all thi' wnltzers one better In their "Kiss Waltz." "AGGRAVATIONS" By 8IME. A wife with brief experience in mar- riage anl housekeeping, spoke to her husband one evening regarding allow- ing her a certain amount weekly for household expenses. The husband had returned, tired af- ter a day's hard work in a pool room. "Dearie," she remarked,, "How much couJd you let me have every week to run the house?" "It's going along fast enough now," he replied. It's proverbially realized that an Irishman and a Hebrew "mix better" than any two nationalities. The other day two men of these distinctions, who were very friendly— one with the other—met on Broadway. The Celt: Abe, I want you to do me a favor. Will you? Abe: You know me, old man. What is it? The Celt: I want you to loan me enough money to buy a machine. Abe: I sold my machine last week. A teacher was knitting in her coun- try school room, waiting for recess to pass. One of the larger scholars, a boy, watched the teacher ply the needle. After a while he said: "What are you making, Miss Dusen- berry?" "Recess is over," Miss Dusenberry answered. In Chicago as everyone knows who has ever been there or heard of the city the sun seems to be trying to break through a mist. During the week days the mist is soft coal dust. On Sundays If there are no dark clouds, Chicago sees the sun more clearly, due to much of the soft coal industry resting up for its Monday's labors. A visitor in the city who had reach- ed there (for his first trip) on a Sat- urday afternoon, remarked to his com- panion (an enthusiastic Chlcagoan), that the city seemed dirty. "Oh, no," replied the Chicago man, "It's growing late in the day and It's dull anyway. Wait until to-morrow." They were walking along the Lake Front the next morning, when the Chlcagoan suddenly cried: "See, there's the sun; over there." pointing across Lake Michigan. "What of it?" asked the visitor, "Isn't the sun over there every morn- ing?" "I suppose so," replied his guide. "Let's go and have lunch somewhere." Shortly after the recent disastrous blaze in the "fireproof" factory build- ing in New York, two Hebraic mer- chants were talking it over. Said one: "It's an awful thing, Moshkey, and I'll bet a cigarette started it." "But the shirt waist makers are not allowed to smoke cigarettes when they are working?" replied Moshkey. "And Laz, you know them fellows don't smoke cigarettes; they eat 'em." "That's Just it," answered Laz. "There are signs up not to smoke but they do, and if they eat the cigarettes, what started the Are then, Moshkey?" The new bank president hadn't been seen to smile since he was given the Job. Before taking charge of the reins, the president had been cashier. The clerks began to worry over the austere manner of their boss. A con- sultation of the hirelings brought out the fact that each underclerk thought his position was In danger. "We must make him laugh," re- marked one. "How can it be done?" said another. "Let's make up a Joke, and appoint a committee to call on him for some reason, then tell the Joke during the conversation." The committee was appointed. Three of the clerks composed it. One was delegated to conceive the funny saying. Two days afterwards he announced to his fellow-committeemen that he had the goods to make the president burst right out. The next morning, after the presi- dent had gone through his mail, the committee called in bulk. To the office boy, the chairman said that a committee of the clerks would like a few minutes of converse with the president. The boy upon returning said: "The president says he can't see you now. He'll let you know when he can." That night the committee reported to the meeting of the clerks. One of the smallest paid clerks said, upon hearing the report, "Perhaps your shoes weren't shined. Were they?" "Perhaps not," answered the chair- man. "We forgot to look." The young fellow was deeply in love with the girl. They were engaged to be married. Out for a long walk, the young man said: "Emily, I feel Just as happy as I could feel." "How happy could you feel, Fred?" said she. "That's a foolish question, Em," he answered. "Why?" asked his future wife. "Because, Em," he answered, "I never felt any happier." A man had been removed to a hos- pital in New York, after having fallen down in the street. The house surgeon examined him. The patient was apparently asleep or unconscious. "Guess we'll have to operate," spoke the surgeon to his assistant. "What's the use of operating?" ask- ed the patient, without opening his eyes. "It's the only way to save you," replied the doctor. "When are you going to do it, Doc?" queried the assistant. "Oh, to-morrow morning, I guess, will b3 all right," said the Doc. "Can I have a dish of ice err . 1 then to-night?" asked the patient, n w with his eyes wide open. "You can not," answered the hou c surgeon.