Variety (January 1922)

p- '■TV-' Friday, January 13, 1982 LEGITIMATE 19 BED-SM CHATS BYHStLEB EEVELL pear i>ocLc 2*>rc-£2r take bact yoa? advice, I viltlaushing lor nearly a day* The world seamed so drab, the ami turned to Ice and loat its warm lus- trous ray. The nurse didn't smile, was silent and cold, the sky was a battleship The doctors came In but left stories untold, and my friends had to hurry away. perhaps yon are right, but your treatment's too hard, I either must laugh or.Ill cry, And crying I loathe. It's a coward's trump card, and tears always blister my eyes. I'll do all the rest, anything that you say, and then If I can't stand the gaff, I'll meet Rennle Wolf on Heaven's Broadway and together we'll have a good laugh. After a fleet of doctors, operations, consultations, plaster of parts easts, every kind of surgical corsets, leather and iron braces, it looks like my cure will ultimately be effected through a good stone mason, as the bed prescribed for me Is of mortar and must be built around ne while the mixture Is soft, and will dry In order to hold me ab- solutely rigid. It sounds like a viaduct to me. I know I feel like the Lincoln Highway. Why didn't some good, kind ouija board tell me, two years ago, it was a hod carrier I needed Instead of a doctor. I hope the walking delegate la a good Elk and doesn't try to call a strike with the job half finished, and leave me suspended Just after getting the corner- atone laid. I have often said I'was glad to have my bouquets and eulogies while I was alive and can enjoy them, but they might have left this mausoleum until after I was through—laughing. Doctor Sayre won't let me cry. Dr. Loron* won't let me laugh, the nuns won't '*»t me cusa—and you think you've troubles. I am reminded of the old story about the poor immigrant whose wife was In the hospital. Each day when he went to inquire about her, he was told there was "a great improvement." Day after day tho anxious husband heard the same bromldlc reply. Finally, one day they told bun she was dead. When later asked by a friend what she died of, he said: "Too many Improvements." I am afraid of too many restric- tions. They cramp my style. Our own beloved Will Cressy, whose clean humor, prolific pen and beautiful domestic life have done more toward lifting vaudeville up from variety than we press agents have, honors me by devoting nearly a page in Mr. Hennessey's New York "Star" to me, in which he intimates I am not hampered by facts, when I deny that I am brave, and says that he was in the thickest of the recent misunderstanding on the other side; saw a lot of suffering and wounded and knows bravery when he sees it. Now listen, Will, as I have said before,"the worst coward in the world will fight for his own life, and that's all I am doing. And how in the Sam Hill can you mako a hero out of me for fighting for something I want? I wish I could live up to all the nice things you have written about me. If I do, though, I would be divine instead of human, and I want to be a regular human being. I enjoy your letters Immensely. Thanks for many comedy lines which I can use in my column, that "pruning" one was a nifty, as was the one about medical scenario directors. I won't have any trouble getting out a column if you write often enough. You say I should be billed as "Nellie, the Beautiful Doctor's Model," and be a headliner In vaudeville. I don't know about headlining, but you must admit I attracted a lot of at- tention as an "opening" act. One of the most touching and pleasing tributes I have ever received was when Frank Oould, art editor of the "Metropolitan Magazine," came In last Saturday to Introduce his bride of 15 minutes. They had just been married and stopped on their way from the church to the train, let the wedding party wait In front of the hospital while they ran in to let me kiss the bride (yes, I kissed the groom, too) and to leave the bridal bouquet with me. I have had many proofs of sincere friendship, and When people stop at the biggest and happiest moment in their life to give a thought to me, whose only claim is comradcry, then I have not lived in vain. Irene Franklin brought me a bathrobe. And I haven't been in a bath- tub in over two years. The bathrobe is about four sizes too small for me. Thanks, Irene, for the compliment. I wish all washrags were round instead of square. Then the nurse wouldn't let the wet corners trail over when she is washing me. I received a watch and three bedroom clocks. My friends seem to think that time will pass quicker if I have a lot of clocks on the job helping it. Irvin S. Cobb brought me his latest book, "Back Home," and Inscribed it, "To the gamest guy I know." Irvin, dear friend, that is some billing, for I know you were through it all "over there" and met many. I have a tough spot on the bill, but Just look at the supporting casts I get. Plaster of paris ones. George S. Kaufman and Marc Connelly brought their book, "Dulcy," Which contains by far the nicest bromides ever given to any patient. Eugene Kelcey Allen defied the injunctions of Doctor Lorenz that I refrain from laughing by coming in with a cluster of new stories. My door was closed when he arrived. The nun explained the nurse was bathing mo. When Kelcey was finally admitted, the first thing he saw was a vacuum cleaner, all hitched up, ready for action near my bed, where it had been left by the porter, who was interrupted in his work by the entrance of the nurse. "My Lord. Nellie," said that incorrigible Friar, still eyeing the apparatus, "do they have to use the vacuum cleaner on you?" Walter S. Butterfleld sends a box of assorted breakfast foods from Rattle Creek, where they grow 'em. I had no Idea cereals were so tasty until I noted the difference between the kind we have been getting und those that came direct and fresh from the packer. They might even Please Burgess Johnson, who says in "Life," that, if a shredded wheat biscuit reminded him of anything else on earth, he would put that any- thing else out of his life forever. (Soortre M. Cohan's efforts to help me out of here ure greatly appre- ciated. But sending un orange tree to an Irish hospital looks like he might be trying to get me out before I am well—get me thrown out. Every conceivable make of toilet articles came to me in profusion- soaps, powders, talcums, perfumes, costly boxes of dressing table acces- sories. Yet, when Zoe Reckley, of the "Evening Mail." came in to write a story about my Chrhtmos tree, I asked her to run down to the drug store and get mo a tube of tooth paste. Bosic Crouch did not know that nine oV'ook at' night was too late to bring a hot apple pie to a patient in u hospital. It's t.isy enough to be pleasant when li'." rolls aloii- like a sorm. but *h> girl worth while is the girl that can .smile wlim tin- mo:;»< drops ;i hill und picks up a holly berry and give:; it to you by mistake I wish srmeonc would invent a noiseless carp-t sweep; , a.id a noise- less non-bed-bumping nurse to run it. The Treasurers' Club of New York. < (imposed of tlo- woi:,.- nvu wh>> smile so sweetly at ym and my. "All sold out." when you exp-eted front seats, or say, "Don't forget your chung<\" paid their ollbial resp. ets to me Tuesday, through their new sick eommi'tee. Clarence .Ta< obsnri, of the S;ini li. Hurr'.s theatre, and Bluteh Sch'.eifhtein, of the l.il>ert\. STOCKS Clara Joel, leading woman with the Proctor Players* narrowly es- caped a "trip $n the flies" last Wednesday night at Harmanus Bleecker Hall. Albany, N. Y.. where the company is appearing in a sea- son of stock. Playing the role cf Mary Turner in "Within the "aw," Miss Joel scored heavily and re- ceived a dozen or more curtain calls at nearly every performance. She played this role in the original Chi- cago company several years ago. After the first act Miss Joel was vociferously applauded and an- swered half a dozen curtain calls. She also received a large share of applause at the end of the second act and was called to the footlights to receive a floral piece from an ad- mirer. As she stepped to the foot- lights the curtain was dropped and when Miss Joel started to back trward the stage after receiving the flowers, she naturally ran against the dropped curtain, which began to rise. Miss Joel caught her finger in one of the rings at the bottom of the drop, being lifted nearly a foot off the stage before she succeeded in releasing herself. Although cutting her finger slightly, she held her com- posure, but several in the audience became excited as the artist backed against the curtain. The Corse Payton stock in Tren- ton. N. J., closes Saturday. The stock at the Orpheum, New- ark, N. J., under the management of Harry and Charles Blaney, closes Saturday. The Blaneys contemplate closing their companies at the Prospjct, Bronx, and Steinway, As- toria. Long Island, a week later. The dramatic stock company or- ganised by Frank Cassin, a boxing promoter, for the Auditorium. Free- port, L. I., was called off, Jan. 4. Cassin conducts the boxing 'shows at the house Monday nights, and contemplated putting hij own stock company in to replace the present PIckert stock. The promoter dis- covered, after organizing the com- pany, that PIckert could not be forced out of tho house. Adelyn Bushnell, leading woman at the Majestic. Utica, N. Y., has Joined the Vaughn Glasser stock at Loew's Uptown, Toronto. M. W. McGee has leased the Ma- jestic, Detroit, from Famous Play- ers and will play dramatic stock, opening Jan. 15 with "Scandal," under the name of Woodward Play, ere. Frances Carson and Walter Davis will play leads. Cyril Ray- mond will be stage director. Mr. McGee originally managed the Ma- jestic for four seasons while play- ing a picture policy. Then Famous leased it to the Shuberts. The stock company, under the management of Ray Payton, opened Jan. 7 in "The Storm" at the Su- preme, Brooklyn. The opening scheduled for Jan. 2 was postponed due to the failure of the owners of the house to secure a license. B. L. Feinblatt, who took over the Westchester theatre (stock) in Mt. Vernon and the Westchester Players, Jan. 1, made a charge of malicious mischief against Daniel Bagnell, retiring director, but failed to appear in court Feinblatt al- leged in his complaint that the erst- while director had destroyed two advertising posters erected at Feln- blatt's * direction. Bagnell claimed the new lessee had no right to post them and also claimed that he didn't tear them down. Bagnell was in court twice, but Feinblatt did not appear at any time. Bag- nell told Variety's correspondent that he lost an opportunity to close a contract for 2C weeks at $200 per week on the day he was first haled to court. PRESS AGENT MUST GIVE UP As an aftermath of a publicity stunt Harry Reichenbach put over for the Universal Flm Mfg. Co. in behalf of Its "Virgin of Stamboul" film, the publicity promoter has been ordered by Justice Guy in the New York Supreme Court to pay to Sheik Tahi 10 per cent .tf his $625 weekly salary until a judgment for $435.20 is satisfied. The Sheik ob- tained judgment for that amount in the Fifth District Municipal Court recently for services rendered in conjunction with the press stunt Vvhieh r.ecessitated his registering \vi;b a retinue in the Hotel Majes- tic-. I'poh presenting his bill to the I'liivprsa! tiny paid part but .slated Ki-i-licubat'h was responsible for the rest. .Icstirc (iuy's order officially gir- r. :.'l'.o(d I'.cic-henbach's salary under the supervision of the County sheriff. INSIDE STUFF ON LEGIT i ■ The ticket agencies have taken unto themselves special slang expres* slons for tho current attractions now playing around Broadway, with most of the boys having listed the attractions in their vernacular as follows—Tangerine, "Oranges"; The Dream Maker, "Hops"; Ths O'Brien Girl, "The Irish Dame"; The Bat, "Babe Ruth"; A Perfect Pool. "The Damn Fool"; The Chocolate Soldier, "The Candy Kid"; The Grand Duke, "The Russian Guy"; Wandering Jew, "The Hiking Kike." There la a Broadway box office which prides Itself on being uniformly courteous. Though the rule of most treasurers Is to pass up any offers of checks In payment for tickets purchased In advance, this house Is an exception. But the ticket genlua presiding Is a wary agent The num- ber of the seats Is written upon the checks in case it should be returned unpaid. Should that happen the check Is placed In an envelope and given the door-keeper. The latter, when the tickets art presented, takes them up and gives the bearer the envelope Instead. No comment'and no fuss. It has happened several times. May Yoho, following In the footsteps of Evelyn Nesbit, Is fitting up a tea room in one of the side streets just off Times square and proposes, she says, to specialise In the serving of some special Japanese dlshea lllss Tohe spent several years In Japan. In recording the death of Ada Oilman, once a well-known actress, not one of the papers mentioned the fact that she was the first wife of the late Leander Richardson, though she was several years his senior. A future active week In the theatres will be that of Sept 24, next, when the American Bankers Association will hold Its annual convention here, the first time in New York for 20 ,years. There are about 1,000 members and all theatregoers. The presumed reason why George M. Cohan has arranged to make his English productions through Charles B. Cochran Is Income tax, or theatre tax, whatever the English term it. There are two scales of return to the English Government from theatrical managers. One la pre-war, a rather low percentage of the gross to be turned over by the theatrical men engaged in producing over there before the war, and who have continued. The rate of income demanded from those since the war Is almost prohibitive, it is said, and Cohan, producing by himself in London, would have been entered In the latter classification. Display advertising ordered for "The Blue Kitten," the new Arthur ♦ Hammeratcin musical play, for the Sunday editions of the metropolitan papers, holds a new line coined for tho chorus. It Is: "And a chorus of 40 pussies." the phrase being ordered to be In the same size type as the credit lines for Joseph Cawthorne and Lillian Lorraine, who are featured in the show, which opens Jan. 13 at the Selwyn. Though A. H. Woods was denied his application to make permanent the Injunction against. License Commissioner Gilchrist, who ordered "The Demi-Virgin" closed some weeks ago after the grand Jury re- fused to indict, it is understood the manager plans Inserting Marie Lohr in the Eltinge early next month. The "Times" has not carried "The Demi-Virgin" title for several weeks, the publication refusing to print the name. Its withdrawal wu an agreeable arrangement with the manager. The Eltinge "Times" ad meanwhile has inquired which is the best show In town? "Nature's Nobleman," with Louis Mann at the 48th Street, Is backed by a merchant who controls a string of stores specialising in women's wear. The backer arranged for the first-night crowd, and salesmen do- ing business with him made up the bulk of the audience. That was the Llggest evening's gross since the show opened. Its draw has been one of the lowest on the Broadway list, if not the lowest Recently the mer- chant has supplied data to the show's press agent as to the salesmen in the ready-to-wear trade, and that clientele has been urged to attend. The attraction is said not to have had a winning week. It Is closing Saturday. •** A. E. Matthews, who Is featured in "Bull Dog Drummond," Is credited with having spontaneously given the premiere at the Knickerbocker last week a comedy tinge, which factor counted much In the show's faver. There was a difference of opinion as to how the lead should be played, and it Is said he "kicked over the traces" on the opening night, stating to the director and management he would enact "Drummond" lightly instead of the heavy style used on the road in the try-out performances. Mr. Matthews is said to have replaced Gerald Du Maurler In the original lead for several weeks last summer in London. The American representatives of continental authors are In a particu- larly receptive attitude with regard to the cutting of advance royalties on the rights to plays. They claim it is now an easy matter to mako deals wih the European authors as, say a payment of $600, reduced to foreign money, looks like a huge sum. On the other hand, the American man- agers, desirous of disposing of foreign rights to even successes, find diffi- culty In getting any formidable sums, owing to the difference in exchange. It may not be uncommon for a producing manager to hold out wires addressed to members of his company, but the manager of a musical comedy production recently held out for three weeks, two wires each sent to two members of his show at the theatre where it was playing. "The Music Box Revue" through William Collier received a unique appreciation of the performance, when last week a letter reached Mr. Collier, signed J. Frank Darling, and enclosing a check for $100 to be donated to any worthy theatrical charity. Mr. Collier sent It to the Actor's Fund. Mr. Darling wrote he had witnessed the performance a few evenings before, and had immediately ordered seats for 100 members of his business staff. The letterhead indicated a commercial line. The Equity seems to be doing press agentlng. It has cropped out two or three tunes lately. Ordinarily there should be no more objection to 1 the Equity obtaining publicity for itself than any other organisation in the show business, but when, as recently, it takes the pains to foretell of a "world-wide affiliation of theatrical associations," that is tending to mislead its members, although even that would do no harm in this particular instance. But it might leave a thought with Equity members that when going abroad, they would receive more protection than could be given under an affiliation. For that reason an international affiliation of actors' societies should be explained. The Equity has an affiliation with the Actors' Association of England. Though Equity affiliated with every other actors' association In the world, Equity could have no stronger alliance than the A. A. And still that affiliation is limited In reality to members of tho Equity and the A. A. agreeing that in the other's country they will never act as strike- breakers (replacing a member of the affiliated society.) There la nothing more it could amount to other than to have the foreigner Join the home organization more cattily through the affiliation, his good standing In the affiliated body recommending him. American players going abroad and requiring the full protection of ihe A. A. would have to join that English organization; English A. A.'s (Continued on page '29)