Variety (March 1925)

VARIETY VAUDEVILLE Wednesday, Marah 4. 1925 NEAR FUN By FRED ALLEN (Mr. Allen is appMring with the "Greenwich Village Follies") Truth ' Many an acto: who wears; a raccoon coal can't aocil ventriloqulat- JUlttle drops, called scenery; Jnrz played by a band, ,. . ., • Cause the ball room dancers To finish with a hand. » '• The Best Joke I Ever Heard {HftLT Fun. should the editor find a dollar before we go to press, will pay Mine^to winner ot Joke pubUshed. The lucky on« ttUa week Is Peter Pann. Brtdgevork. Va.) Humpty: "We stand In back ot every bed we sell." ^ Dumpty: "Who joes with you when you sell twin bedsT' There's many a battle fourht dally \Vt never hear about. To keep an act In a theatre That the manaser wants to throw out. Our Novelette ». - . • The back room at Mother Shannon's board Ins house was crowded with mourners. The Grea. Malcolm, who. with hJa trained pig. had ptayed the smaller houaeu for many yearn, had passed away. A disturbing silence permeated the air and many an actor's head, never bowed In front of an audience, experienced a new sensation. Dumb acts were In the majority and nottains was said. The madame was so affected that none dare approach her until the arrival of the insurance company's representative. iTorslnflr hia way through the throng to the side of Madame Malcolm, he said: "Tour hus- band ia dead«" "I fear so," replied the m ada m e. "he had no sense of Lumor and couldn't play a Joke." "Death is permanent," answered the Insurance man. "Yes." replied the madame, "unless you can have your spot on the bill changed." This was wasted on the insurance man. "What did he die otr' broadcast the ctalm agent. "Starvation," tuned in the madame. Paling a trifle, the Insurance man queried. "You mean to say that the Great Maloolm. owning a trained pig. died of starvaUon." •*Y«8." sadly anawerad the madame. The wonder of the Insurance man caused him to exclaim: "It Is laugh- abla. Had the Great Malcofan been really hungry, he couW have cooked and eaUn his trained pig." "Alas." moaned the madame, "It is true, the Great Mateolm might have eaten the pig. but as he lived so he died. A vegetarian." ; .* Passe New* Enargine, Wash.—HI Tom Minstrel Show closes here. Both end men had fights with the Interlocutor and stopped speaking to him. Liverpool, England—Left-handed American leaves the country, finding it impoaalble to keep replacing monocle In right eye. Exceast Neb.—Crvas-eyed sword-swalk>wer with circus proposes to one of the Siamese Twins. Wrong one accepts him. Ansonia, Conn«—Manager Huffman of the Coxy theatre announces that due to the length of the vaudeville program, he will have to split his fea- ture picture, "The Ten Commandments." during the coming wetk. The Cosy will featur* "Five Commandments," Monday, Tuesday and Wednes- day and the remaining "Commandments" with an entire change of vaudeville the last three days. Pike's Peak—Forecasters of America adopt official club song called It's Always Fair Weather." Raincoat Makers' lK>cal No. 12S clalma that this Infringe* on the local's staff number, "It Ain't Ooln' to Rain No More." Zian City, III.—^Hnns* of David, at annual show, is forced to play "Rasor Jim" afterpiece as "Hammer Jim." th«^ b«ing no raxora at the House of David. i 15 YEARS AGO (Gleaned from back files of Variety and Clipper) Sir Oswald Stoll held contracts for the appearance of Mmes. Bern- hardt and Rejane la vaudeville and was negotiating with both Dusa and Ellen Terry for similar appearances. Dame Terry refused to play a vaudeville date, while Sir Oswald was also unable to bring Duse into the two-a-day. * Martin Beck and Alfred Butt Joined hands for English vaudeville to be operated by Butt, and the Orpheum. circuit bought In on Butt's option on the Barrasford tour. The amount passed was named at $50,000. Th<> U. B. O. and the William Morrik offices were said to have been Interested In-the Butt proposition when Beck stepped in with a check and copped It for the Orpheum. Eddie Pidgeon went to work for the Orpheum circuit publicity bureau at this time. Mark Leuscher was at the head ot the department, but it waa figured that he would have the task of initiating the Ehigllsh repre- sentatives ot Orpheuin into the difference between a "story" and "fault- leja copy." Talk about the street was that large corporation waa to take over Madi- son Square Garden and convert It Into a summei- Hippodrome. At the same time a scheme was- also In motion to use baseball parks for the presentation of Hippodrome acts, and It was planned to utilize the same acts at the Garden. Couiillian, Stone, Powers and Pollack were the promoters of the proposition. The Shuberta announced that they had purchased a lot at Fuycttc and Eutaw streets, Baltimore, and that they would build a theatre there to be cailed the Hasweli in honor of Percy Uaswell. It never was built. Blbert Hubbard, by his owr admission and advrrtlaing, was entering vaudeville. Lee Harrison, vaudevlHian, was leaving the profession to be- come an editorial writer. Mra. Pat Campbell issued the Iri.sLork- proniu.riaiiiciUo th.it at last aha had met a woman wiio could say "dniTin If to please her. Nellie Revoll was awarded the dUtinction. and Collie at that time was hustiii'i; publicity for the Percy G. WIIH.this' Iioiixes. ;.-, ■ The San Francisco board of ronsors tlnow oi;t Z2 nims an being unfit f.»r presentation. Of that number live were imiciRiidtnt products and 27 were the output of the I'.Tlents To., wiikli at this liiuc was developing a iM-'d an the picture Industry. - *• ^' • ■ ' • » ' - • •.. ^ > i HAZEL CROSBY THE AMERICAN PRIMA DONNA MAX RICH at the Piano Loew's State, this week (March 3). Loew's Delancey and Greeley, March ». Loew's Victoria and Lincoln 8q., March 1«. Loew's State, Newark, March t3. Loew's National and Orpheum. March 30. DItmMmb CHAKUBB i. nrXPATBICX Elusiye Tlash' Producer Rehearsal hall managers and owners are on the war- path as the result of the al- leged gypping activities of a flash act producer, whom they describe aa the champion hall- rent-beater of the world. Led by Louis Hallctt. they have banded together to bring Jus- tice upon the head of the pro- ducer, who. they claim, pre- sented each one of them with a phoney check. Nine rehearsal halls are said to have been gypped during the past month for amounts rang- ing from $20 to $30. K-A BOOKED AHEAD For the first time the Keith-Albee circuit body of the bills are set for next September and October. More acts are booked now for next sea- son than were booked last July for the opening of the current season. The advanca bookings are re- ported as tha result of the orders sent out some time aso to the book- ers by J. J. Murdock, general man- ager, to book ahead and avoid the usual act shortage which exists about September. The monthly conferencaa of the managers and bookers have also ex- pedited the bookings, giving the bookers first hand Information about acts wanted and enabling the bookers to route far ahead. One Kelth-Albee oflflcial explained the advance routes as a protective measure sgalnst acts vacationing at that time of the year, who rafuse to listen to offers from their ag«nta unless a prohibitive aalary la set The annual holding off of acta In an endeavor to Jockey up salaries Is reported by this official as the reason for the yearly bugaboo about shorUge of materlaL The same official stated the cir- cuit is now in a position where It doesn't care It these acts axtead their vacations Indefinitely. FIGHTING BALLYHOO ORDER Wsshington Has Test Csse—Would Ban Advertiains Vehicles Washington, March 8. The order recently Issued by the District Commissioners forbidding the use of vehicles upon the streets of Washington for b.tllyhooing pur- poses is to be fought out in the courts. Carl H. Thoner, who owns a riding school here. Is the first to bring a test case. Many of the local theatres utilize automobiles, etc. to plug ttteir re- spective attractions, this being particularly true of Jack Garrison and the Mutual burlesque theatre. Garrison having hired an automo- bile for the entire season. For sev- eral weeks the Mutual automobile cruised about the streets following the commissioner's order but has recently been notable because of Its absence. It Is understood that the theatre men are to aid the riding school owner In his fight against the or- der. RIGHT OFF THE DESK By NELLIE REVELL May you have a very happy Inconae tax day! _ The only thing funny abolit that Is that 1 mean It. Most of probably don't look at it the same way, but feel about it like The time has come, the Walrus said. The saddest of the year. The day we pay the Income tax Is very nearly here. us It Is Just another evidenca of my individuality. I suppose, that I am getting a thrlU out ot it like no other I've had in the last four years. So probably would yoh tf. like myself, you were making out jrour first tax blank since 1919; if frr five years you tuid been unable to aam an income; it for four y«ara you had Iain in a hospital, dependent on others even for the payment of your hospital bills, wondering at tlmea if ever again you would be able to earn enough money in a yenr to arouse th« government's interest. And .: know now that If a man has healQi enongh and suc- cess enough to enablo him to be a bread-winner and to earn an Income, he should gratefully pay hia income tax. If only as an offering to the fates that have showered such tortane on him. So. though I may be somewhat puaaled by deductions and exemptions and columns A and B and percentages and additions and subtractions. It Isn't a cross-word puzsle with me. All my words about It are glad and I am not trying to shave off a single dollar that I owe on It. It slgnal- Isec! my re-entry Into the business world, and, as tar aa I am con- cerned, every entry oa it could very well be called a luxury tax. Soma of my friend: complain that they can't get any stations on their radios. But I get three at once, and what I want to know Is how to separate them. The other evening I was receiving a sermon, a hotel orchestra and a club entertainment simultaneously and the man that tried to unscramble the eggs didn't have anything on me. Being down In the gulch between a chiu-ch and that new tall building on Broadway and 48<h street sort of handicaps my »ot. When every- t>ody gets going at once It sounds like a kaffee klatcb or the spring ueason meeting of the League ot Nations. And I can't get N. T. G. ot WHN off my air. The only remedy I've been able to discover so far is that If I pull the plug out I can choke them all off. A concert Sunday i>lght revived many memories. There was a male quartet singing In somebody's broadcasting parlor and the songs they na.n;S were "Sweet. Roele O'Grady." "Two Little Girls In Blue." "Daisies Won't Tell."and "When You and I Were Sweet Sixteen." and several others of the old sontre that were popular when sldewhlskers were going out of fashion and bicycles ware coming in. Then there was an enlightening talk by a beauty expert. It was about all I could do to lift my head and she wanted to talk about how to lift your face. I was Just about to choke her off when I heard Sadie lie- Donald's name mentioned and I listened in—somehow I always feel ilka an eavesdropper listening to things over the radio—and laarnad that by using Sadie's face lifters you certainly are enabled to look like what you ain't. In fact, according to the speaker, anyone who uses them Is apt to be in danger of having the Gerry Society start looking after them. If the rest of the listeners were as Impressad with the efficacy of tha face litters as I was, I car. see that Sadie ia going to do a big business. Recently I have had tAV pnt on my shoes as heel-lifters: my new braca Is n splne-Iirter. and, one more talk like that and I'll be including Sadle'i face-11 tiers in my uplift work. A story In Ralph Trier's theatre program headed T<eve Will Find » Way," says: "Oh. Captain. If my husband gets seasick, what most I t^ him to do?" "Madame, tf your husband gets seasick. heV do It."—Cracker. Of eoorse. Nora Bayes is too good a sailor to try marriage as an anti- dote for seasickness, so I guess she waited antll she got past tha lS-miI« limit bafors having the knot tied, because she figured tors Is Intoxl- ****"*• . :» ' After sending "Spcngles," my circus story, to Univsrsal and "Flghtln* Back." the sequel to "Right Off the Chest." over to Doran. all In on* week. I felt that I needed a vacation. So I took ap Mark Lnescher on his invitation to the Hippodrome and had a box party there to se* the performance of May WIrth, who was ssy inspiration for "Spangles." It was a box party de luxe, with bouquets, candy, sodas n' svsr'thlng. It was the first time I had been in the Hippodrome sinoa ths Lambs' Cktmbol of 1919. What imprrssed me most In the transformation that haa baen made by Its new owners was the way the dignity of a library and tha luxury of a drawing room have been combined and merged Into the homey atmosphere of the living room. The moment a person enters there ha feels that comfortable "at home" air. It is dna not only to the fomish- tngs and the decorations, though those aid greatly In conveying the im- pre£sIon. but also b} the fact that CUnton Lake and overyono oa the staff conceives It his and her duty to make you glad you came. It Is like dining an famllle. and the Hippodrome to me will always hereafter be the living room of the amusement world. Cal needn't think he is the only person who Is coing to have an Inaugural in Waahlngton this week. Of course his wlU probably attract a bit more attention than Clarence Jacobson's, but It won't bo a bit mora entertaining. Clarence—he Is taking Mrs. Clarence, too—Is Inaugurating a stock company in the capital city this week, which will start off with the performance of "Rain." And if indlcattons In New York are anything, the company won't have to have anything else in stock this season but "Rain." _ , , Among my visitors of lost week was Josle DeMott, until recent years one of the finest and most famous equestriennes the circus world has evei seen. A tew years ago she retired to conduct a riding academy In Garden City, L. I., and announced that hereafter she would be a busi- ness woman. She still is. tor that matter, but scratch the skin ot a trouper turned business woman and you are sure to find the trouper right under the surface. Thus, when Mao Marsh needed some one to double for her in the riding scenes ot "Polly ot the Ctarus." it was the bugle caU "mount" tor Jo»le DeMott. And whenever "Polly of the Circus" had any riding to do Josle was Polly. Knowing what a charming and finished equestrienne she Is, I know that at least the ring scenes of that motion picture were perfect. E^•eryone who ever attended the circus or vaudeville or the Hippo- drome in the old days, knew "Slivers," the famous clown, whose act, "The One Man Baseball Team," was a revelation of fun making. But they did not know, perhaps, that when "Slivers" died he left a little laughter whose mother had passed away two years before. Josle I>e- Mott. an old friend of the family. In whose home the little girl's mother had died, has reared and educated her and the result Is a beautiful, cultured and talented young woman, with stage ambitions. i