W. C. Fields : his follies and fortunes (1949)

"Well, sir, I remember those boat races on the Schuylkill — the river ran right through town. People used to ask what to see in Philadelphia and somebody would say, 'It's the greatest cemetery in the world.' Everything in town was run by contractors, nobody made a dime. The gas company sold out to a new electric company and we had electric lights. Well, the people decided this was a mistake, so damned if they didn't get a lot of old guns and pistols and swords and charge down to the City Hall yelling about how they wanted gas back. The charge was repulsed. "Every year, you know, the city would allot so much money toward hoisting the statue of William Penn up onto the City Hall. Finally they got him up there, but they turned his tail end south and had him looking north. Well, the people on the south side set up a hell of a howl. There was a big fight. I was born on the north side, but I didn't care one way or the other — he looked just the same to me, both sides. "Great town for breweries. These all had saloons in conjunction with them, owned and operated them that way, you see. "Then there were those old-fashioned two-horse streetcars. They also had a man who helped pull the cars uphill. He sat on his horse, put a line on the cars, and with the other two horses took them up the hill. I remember one guy in particular, man named Stink Reese. He was a little runt, but everybody respected him because of his position and because he carried a whip. Mean, too — if he didn't like a driver he wouldn't help him uphill. They had cable cars on Market Street. "Gilmore and Sousa were the bands that played in Willow Grove Park. There was a place called Lemon Hill Mansion, a tower with a circular staircase ; get up there and see all around, maybe up to the City Hall in Germantown. The topic of conversation day in and day out was, 'We're up as high as William Penn's feet.' i3