W. C. Fields : his follies and fortunes (1949)

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CHAPTER FIVE F JLlEI ields enjoyed telling about his first juggling engagement. He said the episode prevented him from becoming a Methodist. He said further that it illustrated what could be bought in Philadelphia for fifteen cents in 1 89 1 . He and a boy he'd hired as stooge, Fields said, attended the annual outdoor strawberry festival of the First Methodist Church, which had promised to pay him thirty cents if he would do some juggling tricks. Approaching the neighborhood, Fields, with an air of professional elegance, was carrying a cane and the stooge was carrying the paraphernalia — three hats, five tennis balls, and three cigar boxes. A brisk rain started in as they sighted the church, and at the door the elder deacon told him that the festival would be held inside. Fields generously agreed to these arrangements and started in, followed by his porter. "I'm sorry," said the deacon, "but you'll have to leave the cigar boxes behind." "Why is that, my good fellow?" Fields asked. "Because smoking is a sin," said the deacon. "The boxes are empty," said Fields, opening the lids and showing him. "That makes no difference to the Lord," replied the deacon. 35