W. C. Fields : his follies and fortunes (1949)

I would have bought this kind of stuff in places that supplied professionals, but I had to improvise. I made the rods out of pieces of broomstick. I stole the cups off an oil burner — they had them on there to cap the flames. A friend of mine who lived in a foundry drilled holes in the cups and fastened them to the broomsticks. All my equipment was put together in this same general fashion." At the end of his first week at the amusement park, Fields received details about his salary. The manager called him in, complimented him on a brilliant performance, and produced five dollars. The manager added that, despite the deceptively large crowds, business had been slow. While Fields was unsuccessfully trying to resolve the logic of this statement, the manager deducted one dollar and fifty cents from his salary as "agent's commission." Fields went to a dressing tent to do some ciphering. At length he worked it out that, if he excluded meals, he was losing only ten cents a week on the engagement, counting carfare and commission, and that, barring some emergency like illness or apprehension by the Methodists, he could juggle professionally nearly all summer. As to the nest egg, he figured he would be spending it in a good cause. Before Fields had exhausted his capital performing at Plymouth Park, he had a stroke of fortune. On the bill with him were two Germans, teeterboard experts, who had taken a fancy to his work. In the middle of the summer they quit to accept an offer from Fortescue's Pier, in Atlantic City, and they urged Fields to go along. Fortescue's was a pleasure dome of imposing grandeur, compared to Plymouth Park, and Fields was reluctant to take the step. Among other things, he complained that he had no costumes, or even a change of clothing, except for a hunting shirt that had formerly belonged to the blacksmith. The Germans offered to buy him an alternate pair of trousers, but he refused 39