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in a glamorous profession they were not overly imposing. The company manager was a ferret-faced little man named Hawkins, who, Fields said later, was never able to look him in the eye. Impartial accounts indicate that, in this matter, Hawkins is deserving of some sympathy; during the weeks they spent together, Fields tried to look him in the eye every ten or fifteen minutes, to complain about conditions. The villain of the troupe, an elderly wreck named Harley McSneed, was generally too drunk to go onstage, and Fields took his part, appearing in a mustache fashioned from dyed hemp, and carrying a blacksnake whip. Various other members of the company were often indisposed, for one reason or another. The ingenue, Fields said, was frequently held up through the absent-minded misplacing of her upper plate. She probably did not have, as he usually added, her two grandchildren along on the tour. Somewhere in New Jersey, the woman who played the mother parts was jailed on an immorality charge, and Fields also took over her role. If tired, he spoke her lines with his usual wheezy twang and was sometimes critically assailed in communities of outstanding culture. Throughout most of New Jersey this criticism took the form of overripe tomatoes ; for some reason it switched to cabbages as they entered Ohio.
It was often difficult to separate the chaff from the wheat in Fields' reports of his travels. The best authorities agree, however, that on his first road tour he did a great many things besides juggle. Contrary to many published reports, he accompanied his tricks with a monologue in this period. It varied widely from day to day, depending on his luck at stealing jokes. In small towns, he cultivated a practice of visiting public libraries and reading up on humorous literature. When he ran across anything worthwhile, he added it to his patter. Also, he said, he lifted jokes rather indiscriminately from rival acts. When confronted with these thefts, as he frequently was, Fields would draw up with such in
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