W. C. Fields : his follies and fortunes (1949)

W. C. Fields forth, and ran around like a man pursued by bees, but the paper clung on. By this time Fields' expression was an interesting study in wrath. His eyes started from his head, his face was red, and his clothing was badly disheveled. He lost his cap, and in retrieving it he managed to put it on his golf club instead of his head ; then he spent an anxious period trying to find it. He never did get rid of the paper. Kicking, jabbing with his club, bawling at his caddy, and shouting "Fore!" "Fore!" he was snowed under by a threesome of wretched-looking women, who played through in wary disgust. "He must have been drinking," one of them said as they pulled away. Fields varied this act frequently during his last years in vaudeville ; he used a silent version of it for a while in the Follies. When he first mentioned it to Ziegfeld, the producer said (as Fields later reported to a man who was planning to write his life story ) , "It's a great idea, Bill. I think it will be a hit. There's just one little thing — we have a yacht set, a gorgeous yacht, the most magnificent yacht you've ever seen, and it's all full of beautiful girls. So if you'll just change the golf act to a fishing act, I think we'll be ready to go." "I thought I'd figured out how to handle Ziegfeld," Fields said. "So I agreed with him. He went ahead with his plans for the yacht, and I went ahead with mine. He kept wanting to see the act, but I'd never show it to him. The only thing I'd say was that it was working out perfectly. "When the time came, I just walked out on the yacht set and did my golf act, before he could get the girls on. Afterward, Ziegfeld was in tears. It had gone over fine and he couldn't throw it out. But he said, 'We'll compromise, Bill. I'm going to insist on one beautiful girl being on that stage while you're doing the act.' The next performance, one of those long-legged babies of his came walking across wearing a short fur jacket and leading a Russian '54